Humour

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 1107, 21 November 1917, Page 7

Humour

Chdlly— "I wondah how I shall go to the masquewade pahty ?" , Isabel— Why don't you go disguised as a man?"

What have you got in the shape of cucumbers, this moriiing?" asked *he customer of the, hew assistant. Nothing but bananas, ma'am " »aid the youth.

Tom Junior—"What time is it, pa?" Lorn Senior—"Why, you've got your new gold watch, why can't you. tell from lhat?" Tom Junior—"Oh, but it's fiv« ninutes fast."

Husband—"The doctor says if I keep up this race for money I'll break down when I am forty." Wife—"Never mind, dear. By that time, we shall be able to afford it."

Employer—"So you want a situation, do you? What can you do?" Young applicant—'|Nothihg in particular—but, then, work is not so much an object as good wages."

"I never was so happy before I" said the new Benedict. ."Marriage has madte a different man of me." "I'm glad to hear it," said his rival, "for your wife's sake."

Mother (to small boy going into country)—" Prank, have you got your toothbrush ?" Frank—(indignantly)— "Toothbrush? Why, I thought I was going for a holiday."

Little Boy—"That ink that papa writes with isn't indellible ink, is it mother?" Mother—"l To." "I'm glad of that." "Why?" "I've spilt it all over the carpet." Aunty—"Willie, an angel brought your mamma such a nice new. brother for you last night. Wouldn't you like to see the dear little baby?" Willie—"No; but I'd'like to see the angel." J A pretty good) joke was that played on an Alderman who wandered about the streets bearing a placard on his broad back, inscribed, "Widened- at the expense of the Corporation."

. Mother "Good heavens, child, where have you been?" Child—"Bobby and I tumbled into the pond." Mother—"But wk'ere's poor Bobby?" Child—"Oh I expect he's out by now."

"When I was coming home last night," said Miss Outlate, "I saw a man skulking along in the shadows. Oh, how I ran!" "An' couldn't, you, catch him?" inquired .her little brother, innocently.

Charitable Man (to' former blind beggar)—" What! have you recovered your sight?" Beggar—"Well, you see, its this way—l"ve lost my dog, and as I cannot longer be blind, T have become a deaf mute!"

"What's dat you wah singin'P," asked the old man. "Dat's de lates' coon song," answered Mr. Erastus Pinkley. "Well, you oughter to go on 'bout yoh work, 'stid o' makin' yohself laughable tryin' to imitate white folks' waj's." , ■••

Startled labourer (who has just skipped out of the way of a falling block of stone about three > tons in weigh)—"Be a bit more keerful up there;, cant' yer? 'Nother 'airf a foot and you'd 'ave to er got me a new 'at!"

Election Agent—"That was a good long speech our candidate made on the Agricultural question, wasn't it?" Parmer Ploughson—"Oil, ay it wasn't bad; but a couple o' nights good rain 'ud a done a sight 'more good." : . '...

She (pining for pleasant words)—"Oh, George, I cannot understand it. Why do you lavish this wealth "of love tm me when there are many girls more beautiful and more worthy than I?"; He (absent-minded) —"I'm Mowed if I know." ~ , ■'\ ~\ ;,/, ,