Page 3 Advertisements Column 5

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 701, 10 November 1909, Page 3

"B'lt, after all." said Ui<s Indian, "our badness is ojily skin deep!" String that the world was in no small degree perplexed at. his manner of arriving at this conclusion, tin- icrt. man continue]: "For nobody finds fault with us so long as we suffer ourselves to be skinned!" Here the world coujrhed violently, after which it spoke feelingly of the lovely weather we are having.—Detroit Journal. The Lout Klaa. He, bashful, did not ask of her Love's token when he should— And now, regretful, he recalls She looked as if she would. —Puck. WITHOUT ASSISTANCE. idfi Emit m District Visitor (to old woman)Why, Mrs. Malage, haven't you seen a doctor? '"Why, ma'am, my husband don't hold with no doctors. He do say I'd better die a natural death."—London Fun. The Signal <>* .*..-...<■■„,». Oft when I see a pretty widow Who flaunts her weeds about I wonder if 'tis not to show Mankind that she is plunged in woe, And might be taken out. —-Chicago Record-Herald. He'd Had Some Biprrlrni; She (on the hotel veranda) —You had nto business to do that. He—l am engaged to you. Why shouldn't I kiss you? She—But people were looking. • He—That's why 1 did it. T am determined that you shall at least reeity.—N. Y. Weekly. "So," said the young man who was disposed to linger, "we must part forever!" "Oh, no," answered the fair girl, Avitli a cold look in her eye; "not forever. We will part now once for all, and have iv over with."—Washington Star. The Ohrlosis Remedy. "If there is such a thing as a towel trust," roared the shaggyhaired boarder, "it ought to be crushed!" "Wouldn't it be better," suggested the dyspeptic boarder, "to wipe it out?" —Chicago Tribune. Came for Alarm. Mrs. Crabshaw —J suppose you'd be awfully frightened if I should send you a telegram while I'm away im the country? Crabshaw—lndeed 1 would, my dear! I don't know where to raise anymore money to send you.—Puck. Him Problem. Dashaway—Don't you ever wonder how you ever lived before you met the girl you love? Cieverton—l don.'t know. My principal concern now is how I am going to live now that I have met her.— Brooklyn Life. "He borrowed the money from a •battel mortgage shark, I presume?" "No, even in his adversity the fellow ha« absolutely no notion of economizing! He borrowed itof a friend!" —Detroit Free Press.

Serloue Charyre. "T'm goin' to sue Mis tab Johnsing fori defamation of character." "Wha* foh yoh do dat?" "He. say I stole ten chickens fum de squiah's coop, an' I only stole one!"— Chicago "Daily News. Evidently rriex#eete«i. Gladys—Ferdy's rich uncle is dead. Her Brother Jack—Was it expected ? Gladys—Oh, not at all. Why, only last week Ferdy asked me to marry him!— Judge. **" Yk'tanf* the Vuel "I don't much h'lieve in dis cremation business," said Brother Dickey. "What de sense in burnin' folks in dis worl' atter dey dead, w'en dey runs sich a big risk or it in de next worl'?"—Atlanta Constitution. l.itffet RcfreahmeMta. Missionary—l hope I shall do you good. Cannibal—l guess you will; IVe had my lunch, but you're just in time, lor my wife's fire o'clock tea.—Town Topics, A ftec««»a?y AviHimmishtiAetoii Mrs. Dorcas- -DM she lose all that money at bridge whiei because she didn't know how to play 1 Dorcas—No; because she didn't know how to cheat.—Judge, Often Works That Wat; Milry—The idea of a girl of her age marrying such an old man! Isn't it killing? Billy—Not infrequently.—Town Topics. A t,«ek>- Opportunity, ""Rruc.e sold his dog." "What did he get?" , "The man offered liim 50 cents for the collar and Bruce lhrewin the dog." -Cleveland PI a i lid oil ler. A singular electric plant is said to grow in the forests of India. Plucking its leaves gives a shock, and it affects a mauuetis needle twenty feet away. The enwgy is greatest, at about, two o'clock in the afternoon, nearly disappearing at night. The intensity offe'i increases gicatiy iuaioiuiß,