Odds and Ends

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 653, 9 December 1908, Page 7

Odds and Ends

She had accepted his offer to escort her home in the rain. .-" I have been wondering," he remarked, on the way, "whether .it is on account* of my umbrella or my pany that I am allowed to come with yOU?" :;' "It is neither," she replied. "It is on account of my new hat." Crawford: I hope ybd still take an interest in your little studies ? I remember the delight you used to take in seeing, how many he could count." Crabshaw: "I've stopped doing that."v '. ;. v. ' - . Crawford: " Too bad; a father; should never lose interest in his -son 'that way." • ;. , ' , Crabshaw: " But the boy,can now j;count dp to a thousand." . Trivyet—"ls this ypur advertisement in the paper for a lost dog?" Dicer-r----"Yes." Trwvet—-"Why you never had a dog to lose." Dicer—"l know; but I want one now, and I think I can make a; satisfactory selection from the animals the advertisement will bring .in."; . ■ > Clerk—-"If you please,- sir, I shall have to ask you to excuse me for the rest of the day.. I haye just heard of —er—an addition to my family." Employer—"ls that so, Ouills. What is it-ra boy or a girl ?"' * Clerk—"Well, sir, the fact is—er—(somewhat emr barrassed) it's two boys." Employer —"Twins, eh? Young man, I'm' afraid you are putting on two many heirs." THE CAT WAS OUT. .!.' Little Harry: " Are ybu poing to marry my sister, Mr. Softhead?"; . Softhead: " I—aw—don't know, Harry." ■:, r' Little Harry: " Then pa was right. He said you didn't know anything." Might Mean Either, * ' 'Whose voice did he like best—yours or mine ?'' asked Mrs. Kreech. "I'm not sure," replied Miss Bird. "His remarks were a bit ambiguous." "Why, what did he say?" "He said he liked my; voice, but that yours was better still." * >

In a Merchant's Office.

Head Clerk (irrtably): "Some idiot has mislaid my pen again." Office Boy (flippantly): "Right you are, sir, some idiot has, put it behind your/ear." i ."'- : No Experience. Editor: "Look here, young man, you say in this paragraph that Brown was knocked down and relieved of fifty pounds. Did anybody ever rob you?' 3 New Reporter: "No/sir." Editor: "Ah, that explains it! If you had ever been robbed or swindled you wouldn't describe the loss of fifty pounds as a relief r " - !

Something New. ■."./ '•■ ■■■•• 'K ;, '.'A :'.'.■ '■ '■:■'{'. "Hello!" said the bore, leaning over the office railjng, "what's new this morning?" "That paint you're leaning against," gleefully replied the busy man.

v Even to the End. The Parson: "What were your father's last words?" Peck, jun.: "He didn't have any. Mother was with him at the finish." Highly intelligent. "Before my w,ife died,|' said the flftan with the ginger beard, sadly. "I'owtied one of these Jhere. little woolly Maltese terriers, that; was one of the smartest animals you ever see. thing—one day my wife was readin' in the paper that woolly: dogs wasn't goin'"to be in the fashion that summer, ajnd she says to me, in a jokin' soft of a way:—"'I suppose we will have :to7 sell Dagobert'—that was, his; namerr'ahd git a nice, fashionable, smooth-haired . dog.* ">■■■ : : -* , ,:.•' .;.:■ „ . ,".' 'All right, 5 says I, still keepin' up the joke. ' ' , "Now what do you "suppose; that there, dog went and did?" „: ' <? Mebbe he committed suicide," ven- -./'■. turedishe grocer:.7lhave heard of dogs ' haviri' their feelings'hurt sfo bad that? thev killed theirselves." . , "Not much, he didn't. Didn't! jest . tell you' he had a lot of sense ? He jest.;-,:; took twopence out'n the box where \ve • kept the small - / man and the newspapeXjboy; and went, ""' down to the barber's shop and had his hair cut—that's what he did."