JUGGER’S COW

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 373, 2 July 1903, Page 8

JUGGER’S COW

ly Tfm F. Infu.

ON—lrwNrtßimmJwm), IqitaMh AT JDGGER'S, under a craxy-quilt hi a darkened room, lies tke tattered remnant of a once strong man. That wreck Is the indirect result of dagger's great thought that, in order to hare fortune within his grasp, to hare the world by the tail, so to •peak, he must buy a cow. Tke gentle beexe has not yet blown the dust off from the trees by the roadside where the turnpike goes orer the hill, behind which the cow that was to hare made Jugger’a fortune disappeared. Oa the shelf in the is ♦he primitive cause of Jugger’s woe. aha Farmer and Stockman’s Friend, edited hr an enthusiastic agriculturist. Jugger read of the happy owner* •! those wonderful cows so often •net in literature, but rarely elsewhere, that seem to hare consecrated their whole aouls to the giving of great bucketfuls of milk so rich thst two shivers will make butter of it—read and believed, and was filled with • burning desire to go and do likewise. Like the owners, I mean, not Mhe the cows. "My dear,” he said to his wifs. "we runst buy a cow. Think of the luxury ■ot fresh, sweet milk and golden butter! Why, we can have all the . milk we can use and butter till you can’t rest., and we can have plenty to give to our friends. Then, think of the profits! Why, we can sell the milk •ad butter and sggs and the cheese —” ’’And the crackers," suggested Mrs. Jugger. .Tugger paid no attention to the fling, but continued: "There will be a eal# to sell, now and then, we can sell the cow to the butchers at the end of six months for a good price. We ought to get 46 quarts of milk and five or six pounds of butter —say five psr week. Milk brings seven cents per quart, and butter 26 cents per pound. Ought's ought and figure's s figure; thst would be $4.66 per week —call it $4.50 per week—s234 per year. Add to this the sum we get for the cow from the butchers; say S4O, and we have $374. Think of it! Thiak of it! Decidedly, we must have a-cow!" "It use ms quite a profitable investment,” agreed Mrs. Jugger, "especially when one reflects thst you only had to feed your imaginary eow for six months, having sold her to the butchers at the end of that time, while you pot the price of the butter snd eggs and calves and so on for a whole year.” ’ Madam," said Joggers, severely, "will you oblige me by keeping your mouth shut? There never was any use in trying to srgne with a woman! They are fools! But we will have the cow, all the same!" That very afternoon the eow appeared on the scene. She was tied fa the tail-gate of a covered wagon, which was drawn by a pair of rustylooking mules, and chaperoned, so to •peak, by a gangle-ehanked, planksbaped man, with a month on him cut remarkably decollete snd a board like the whiskers on a cocoanut. Maybe Jugger looked like he wanted a cow. At any rate they were soon bickering and chaffering, and presently Jogger parted with fortyone large dollars and became the possessor of the cow. The plank-shsped man tied her to tke hitching-post, just outside the front gate and drove away. Then Jugger called his wife out to view the prise. “Gentle?" said Jugger, in response to a question from his spouse. "’Course she is! Gentle as s lamb! He said so. And a good milker? Why, gse-fuxx, he says she will give just all I can milk! That’s what he Eat? Eats next to nothing! He said so. Rich milk? Why, lawxy me, it’s almost clear cream! He said ’twas. Skittish? Thunder, no! That’s what he said. Believe Til milk her a little now. just to show you how easy it is!"and he added suggestively: “A good drink of purs, rich cream wouldn’t taste so bad, eh?" Mrs. Jugger allowed that it wouldn't, and her husband went to ths house for a pail. The cow was not a beauty, but looked robust anduntroubledbyennui. She was quaint of body and long of limb. One horn turned up and the ether down, and her tall wsa almost innocent oi hair. "The signs of a good milker!" said Jugger, in answer to an inquiry from his better-half. ‘The man said so.” Instead of one pail, Jugger had brought two, the very largest in ths house. ‘Thought X might as well milk he* dry while I was at it," he explained. “She’ll pretty nearly fill both these pails! Give all I can milk, he said." A second after Jugger had crouched down beside the eow, snd gfven a gentle pull at one teat, bis wife was surprised to see him turn . s pretty fair back somerset and landwith his bead in the pall that he had set aside for use after he had milked the first pail full. The other pail wa* kicked one half-second later than Jugger. and came very near breaking one of Mri* Jogger’s limbs. ‘That qnt hare been the wrong side,” groaned Jugger. after ha had fiekai Itieself up and pulled hla Inl Mft Of the pail. Ha aaught the opposite aide of tha eow, and the space of a quick-drawn breath later found that the animal had attempted fa Uftk ths Sail clear through hjib

“How gtntie she is!” sneered Mrs. jpugger. “The good man said she «rae. And shell giro all the milk — •11 you can get from her. He said *o.” “Woman.” retorted Jugger, with •11 th® dignity that a badly-kicked Man is capable of assuming, “you £on't know what you are talking •bout! It is the strangeness of the qplace that makes the cow irritable, 'i’ll kid her to the barn, and when •he finds heraelf in comfortable •(Quarters, like those, doubtless, to •rhich she has been accustomed, she'll be as gentl® as a dare. See how ! -»nxioua ahe is te be released.” I The animal had been surging and I jerking at the rope, and as soon as he got her untied a little Wild West I performance began. The cow would Bake a start, and Jugger, exerting •11 his strength, would check her. Bhe’d plunge and he’d hold; she’d plunge again and he would hold her •t the expense of having his arms nearly dragged out by the roots. Balked in an attempt to rush down the road, the cow dashed in at the open gate. Jugger checked her headlong rush toward the cabbage patch by twisting the rope around the gate* post. A happy thought «tmck hitn. He would make a noose in the free end of the rope, and when ahe started toward the barn, be would let Her go •ad atop her at the proper time by flinging the noose over a convenient post. The cow was only excited and would soon become calm. Just as the loop was made the cow started bornward in an unreserved fashion, and Jugger did not attempt to check her, but charged along with her, holding on to the rope, and takIBf six-foot jumps to keep up. and grinning at the thought of how the rope would bring her to time when he flung the loop over the post. Just then he thrust his foot into a hole, tumbled down, got his foot into the noose somehow, and the next instant our poor friend was scrubbing across the lot dragged by one leg. The weight, instead of proving any drag to the cow, seamed rather to •dd to her enthusiasm, and when she reached the barn she whirled and daahed back again across the garden. In vain Jugger attempted to grasp anything within his reach. He only succeeded in uprooting anything he waa able to catch. "Stop her! Stop her!” he shrieked, as well as ha was able with his face in the dirt. Not feeling able to seize the cow by the horns and fling her to the earth, Mrs. Jugger grabbed a huge and handy club and made a dart at the animal, with the Intention of cracking her over the head. But the lady miscalculated the speed of the cow, and, instead of hitting her, gave Jugger a tremendous thump on the back of the head that knocked him senseless, and would have driven his intellectual coeoanut into the ground bad he not been going so fast. Round the house went the cow like a horned whirlwind, with the now unconscious Jugger drag'ging along behind like a can on • cur’s tail. Two trellises were broken down, a rose-bush was uprooted, and Mrs. Jugger’s prize Mexican cactus had half of its spines raked off by Jugger’s body. Just as the cow began to exhibit signs of quieting down a little, and Jugger’s senses began to come crawling back, a tramp dog charged at the gate, and the performance was repeated with many exciting variations. The cabbages in the garden were scrubbed loose, the ashhopper knocked galley-west, snd the combination of man and dog and cow dashed through the flat side of the grape-arbor three times. Th® intention of the dog seemed to b« to bite something, and when he could not get hold of the cow. he fastened on to Jugger somewhere and hung till his teeth jerked loose. They went through the cactus bed •gain, broke down the only remaining trellis, and knocked the big urn in the front yard completely whap-per-jawed. Then, just «s it seemed as if Jugger’a pelt waa about to be pulled off over his head, the cow •pied the front gate, and dashed out of it, cracking Jugger against the post on one side, and nearly knocking the dog’s brains out on the other. Down the road they went, and Jugger was scarcely visible for the dust. Then, just before our friend became the late Mr. Jugger, the rope came off from his leg somehow, and the cow went up the road and disappeared in a cloud of dust, with the tramp dog clinging to her hairless fail. Mrs. Jugger gathered up the remnant of her husband and put it to bed. While she was applying liniment and court-plaster where they would do the moat good, another covered wagon, drr>wn by another pair of rusty mules, stopped before the house. "Cow to sell?” inquired the gangleshanked, plank-shaped driver, as if he knew exactly whjit he was talking about, as Mrs. Jugger appeared at the door. The lady replied hastily that they possessed such an animal, but that ■ she was somewhere over the hill. “Wal, I reckon I kin And her. Give ; you ten dollars.” ! The rapidity with which Mrs, Jugger accepted the offer was almost startling, and three minutes later the plank-shaped man had paid the money and was driving up the road in the wake of the cow. Mrs. Jugger learned later that the two plank-shaped men were brothers, and that they made a comfortable living by selling and buying that cow, who was seldom long in regaining her place at the tail-gate of the first