PARS ABOUT PEOPLE

ROBERT ARTHINGTON,. who, 1/ - the cables tell tie, "has ■V left £4,660,00 to the Baptist Missionary Society .and £373,000 to the London Missionary Society, and the paltry ; sum of . £11,000 to his relatives, is the extremely Christian gentleman who absolutely refused to allow the late tt. M Stanley the use of the mission steamer Peace for the conveyance ot part of the Emm Pasha rehefexpedition up the Congo.. The 'Peace was presented by Arthington to the mission, and Stanley knowing this, applied to him for permission to use her, offering most liberal terms tor a charter. He received a reply which, in his book " In Darkest Africa, he describes as "quaint." It is undoubtedly that In the letter Arthington deplores Stanley's sad sins and mistakes," and says he will pray for him, but—he won't lend the Peace, which would probably have been of a great deal more value to the expedition than all Arthington s prayers. Ultimately, when the expedition arrived in Africa, Stanley succeeded in chartering the Peace, but it was without the knowledge ot the saintly Arthington. Considering the sterling help that Stanley always rendered to missionaries, Arlington's action was churlish, to say the least of it. • • ■ " ' Another honour has been thrust upon the bashful and retiring W. J. Napier. W.J., it appears, has been elected a fellow (fancy calling W.J. a "fellow !") of a sage body calling itself the North British Academy of Arts. Ignorant insects _ that have never heard of this organisation may be interested to learn that its object is "the betterment of humanity by the advancement of art, literature, science, music, education, law; medicine, manufactures, commerce, agriculture, industries, and., engineering, to the end that the sum of uman knowledge may be increased." Truly a modest propaganda. W.J. is the gifted author of a stirring romance on ferro-concrete, so presumably he has been made a " feller" for the betterment of mankind in engineering. Anyway, the title of "Fellow of the North British Academy of Arts" ought to be sufficiently awe-inspiring to smash J. H.-vsßradney or any other presumptuous person / Yes, our mighty William J., Of the great N.8.A.A., Has been made, for public enterprise a fellow. When the Auckland A.H.B. Hears the news, we're bound to see Sundry members' envious feelings turn them yellow. Apropos of the anti-tobacco clause in the probation sentence imposed by Sir Robert Stout on the young man Edwards, Sydney "Bulletin" says that "it's a good job that Stout, C.J., is not a vegetarian, or the bewildered probationer might have been ordered to live on peanuts." If the " Bulletin V knew its Stout, it would be aware of the fact that Sir Robert is one of the stauncheSt vegetarians in the Dominion. ■ /'...•• « • Harcourt Beatty, the talented leading man with the Nellie Stewart Company, has a good story # to tell about old time stage properties. When a youngster he was playing Armand in '"Camille." In those ~ days they did not carry realism to the extent they do now. Molasses and water were used for wine, and South Sea cotton represented ice cream. He and Camille were seated at a table when a servant entered carrying a lighted candelabrum. As she placed it on the table between the lovers, busily engaged in conversation, one of the candles toppled over and set fire to the ice cream, which shot forth a red flame. Tragedy , immediately gave way to comedy.

.-..The -press Ass. says that the Hon. George Fowlds, w'ap -, entertained in Sydney by a*party: of f'ex-ONew Zealanders.". What sort of an animal is. aii Zealander " P If jhe if ajjiatij£e he is \ ne^ss'arny y a New ; iio matter. what 'country he" happens to resside in. However/, probably the Press;^ss. : djoelsA'J Know any better. The übiquitous in-Clement Wragge has set the Agricultural Department of Victoria snorting furiously. - .He predicted a drought for the next lew years,' and the Agricultural Department is quite distressed to find that the farmer man believes him, and- is neglecting to. put down grass, and the pastoralist has so much faith in the weather-wise Wragge that he is not going in for cattle with his former daring. Those" people say, "What's the good of . hitting out only to see your stock and crops eaten up by drought ?". In these circumstances, it is necessary for the Department to cast withering discredit on the inclement medicine man and it is doing so, declaring that Wragge cannot see through a year or more, and discover the weather beyond- with any greater facility than an ordinary man can look through the Blue Mountains with the aid of a pair of specs., and tell you what a

yellow cow with a piebald calf is scratching her ear with on the other side. Verily, a prophet has no honour either in his own or in anybody else's country.

• :" ■ ■;-.. • • * .The eccentric but entertaining Mr A. W. Hogg is once more troubled in his mind. This time it is a military question that is afflicting him. Under the compulsory military training scheme, he wants to know what will happen if, just after a man had entered the married state, he was hauled off to camp. Could he, asks the horrified Mr Hogg, take his little wifie with him, or leave her in trust with somebody else ? Well, presumably it. all depends upon who the "somebody else " might be. Reminds one of H. G. Palethorpe's "substitute" advertisement at the time the Yankee fleet was here. But hubby might not be inclined to look kindly upon the " substitute " solution of the difficulty. Anyway, why not allow wives to be included u oa the strength" — a la British Army—at military camps ? 'Twould be quite right and proper, because To such a proposition There seem no. serious bars ; For Venus should by rights intrude Upon the field of Mars.

A seaman answering to the remarkably uncommon name of John Smith was fined a pound at the Police Court last week for having surreptitiously got away with half-a-crown's worth of books from a Queenstreet shop. A literary taste comes expensive sometimes. ✓

A. H; Korth is the name of an eh- : terprising gentleman who has come . up from Gisborne way with a view > to exploiting here a' street-paving' material of which:he is the inventor.: Said material consists, of a composition of sawdust and tar, and isstat-. Ed to have proved highly successful, at Gisborne. Anyway, Mr; Korth has had seventeen years' experience of road-making in New Zealand, so* > he ought to know something about the subject, and it is a • certainty that he couldn't have arrived i» Auckland at .any more' opportunemoment, considering the disgraceful • condition of most of our main thor- , oughfares.

Here are some interesting particulars about the South African war career of the officer who is coming out to boss our New Zealand military forces. Colonel — or, as he then ranked. Major—Godley was one of the picked officers sent out with Baden-Powell to train South African recruits, who beca-me immensely useful because of their knowledge of the country and their original methods of utilising it without regard to text books. Major Godley was in charge of the western defences of the Mafeking garrison, and, in accordancewith a policy of keeping the enemy impressed with the vigour of the defences, he was ordered on November 7fch, 1899, to make a night attack oni the.western Boer laager, which had been moved close up to the British" trenches. He had sixty of the Protectorate Regiment, thirty Bechuanaland Rifles, and three guns. TheBoer camp was surprised, but, on^ reinforcements arriving, Godley withdrew his force. At a cost of only five casualties he had accomplished his object, since the Boer laager was moved further away on the following: night.

In an attack on Game Tree Fort r one of the Boer strongholds to thenorth of Mafeking, Major Godley was in command of the right wingThe attacking party, under Captain; Vernon, gallantly advanced 1200" yards without cover in face "of a heavy Boer fire, and attempted to> storm the fort, some of the attackers; even climbing the- roof. Captain Vernon and two other officers were shot dead, and half the men werekilled or wounded, but another attempt was made by a supporting column to storm the fort. It was fruitless, and the courageous men were ordered back to Mafeking.

During the dramatic finale of the siege, the capture of Field-cornet Eloff (grandson of President Kruger). and 97 prisoners, Major Godley was able to post two squadrons in such a position as to cut off a party of the assailants who had captured an English outpost. He also drove off a half-hearted attempt by the Boer* commander, Snyman, to reinforce Eloff, who was captured in the evening. Three days later came Colonel Mahon's welcome relieving column.

"Here's a pretty state of things, here's a how-d'ye-do," as some gentleman sings in the " Mikado / ? E. H. Taylor, M.P. for Thames, has asked the Premier to put up a post office at Gumtown, .and the request has been declined. Truly, Sir Joseph must be riding for a fall. Gumtown wants a post office, and it won't be happy till it-gets it — no, by gum, it won't ; and if Sir Joe offends an important metropolis like Gumtown, let him look to himself.

If Sir Joseph should think that this town he can flout, Then be really "can't know what he's y talking abont". ' Till it gets that P.O. whicihit thinks: is its dWBr ' • '■':'• ■■ Mighty Gumtown will vstipk to; Sir y).y. ':}. Joseph glue. "J.A.. xa^WHkF-$M

, Fire Brigade Inspector Hugo has a playful little way of dropping quietly into town and taking the local fire brigade by surprise. In the larger cities where fire alarms are fixed at intervals at-,the. thoroughfares, he ' it a practice to break the glass, press the button, and then stand by ,1 watch in hand, to ascertain how long it takes the brigade to reach the spot. Which, of course, is a praiseworthy idea. But it sometimes brings about unforeseen consequences and complications. As every Aucklander knows—or ought to know—the Fire Board has a standing offer of £10 reward to anybody that can bring about the conviction of a person who has given a false alarm. And it is this fact that nearly led to the inspector's undoing the other day, when he was paying an inspectorial visit to Auckland.

While strolling along one of the thoroughfares, a fire alarm caught his eye, and it struck him that it would be a good time to test the smartness of the brigade. So he nonchalantly stepped up to the alarm, smashed the glass, and pressed'the button. • Promptly he was seized upon by a stalwart stranger, who was evidently after the £10 reward. " Leggo I" snorted the infuriated inspector. "No blanky fear !" ' retorted the unknown. " You've given a false alarm to the fire brigade, so you can come along and be handed over to the first policeman we meet." " Why, you silly juggins 1" roared the inspector ; "I'm the Government Inspector of fire brigades." "Oh, yes," replied the sarcastic stranger, "I know all about that, old man, and you don't pull my bally leg. Come along with me quietly, or I'll lay you down and sit on you till a policeman comes along." The situation was a delicate one ; but luckily at that moment the fire brigade came prancing along, and stopped upon seeing the inspector in the clutches of a stranger. Explanations followed, and the officious amateur policeman stalked gloomily away, his vision of a £10 reward shattered into smithereens.

The "Bulletin" contributes this obituary to Jim Shaw, the first Mayor of Coolgardie, and as well known in Auckland as the town clock :—Died in London, "Chief" Jim Shaw, one time Mayor of CooLgardie, and later Mayor of Adelaide. One of the ideal men at an early rush; he was generous as sunlight, kindly as spring, his one offence being that bad language which is only skin deep. As Mayor of Adelaide he gave a ball at the Town Hall/.ami everybody said it was a great success. After the dancers had gone, Jim Shaw went to the Napoleon for a drink ; and said a.friend to him : " How did the ball go, 'Chief P" "I'll tell you,]' says Jim. "About 2 o'clock this mornin', Lady came to me an slaps me on the back, an' says she : ' Jim, s'help me , this is the best -hop I was ever at in me —— life.' So there you are." Then those who knew " the Chief V understood that the lady had said : ' Mr Shaw, this is a charming dance. ' m .* .• The furniture of the amiable and fascinating Mr Hawley Crippen has been put up to auction in London, and most of the articles fetched fabulous prices. They were evidently purchased by peculiar people who wished to cherish them as curios. What about putting Miss Lo Neve's masculine habiliments up to auction ? . They ought to realise an enormous sum. » * * Bert Hanna, son of Samuel, Jaipee, of that ilk, was one of the heroes of the recent fire at-Potters shop in Queen-street. Bertrude was interested in the fire, because the Hannanian halls are situated nearly above the Potter's field. bo when he heard that flames were shooting round the show, he scooted to the scene of action, prepared to sell his life as dearly as possible under the circumstances. Girdmg up his lions—we mean loins — he dashed into the fray and spray, following in the wake of one of Superintendent Woolley's big and burly minions, who was storming the stairs with his 'little hatchet. "Follow me !" said the fireman to Bert, lo

the death I" replied Bert. Unluckily the fireman didn't watch where he was going, .with the result that his two fairy-like feet disappeared through a sky-light, followed by the whole of his fairy-like form. Whereupon Bert reneged. He said he didn't mind following that fireman to the death, but he strongly objected to following him through a broken skylight that had more jagged edges than were altogether comfortable.

Frank Mackenzie, the editor-pro-prietor of the Kawakawa "Luminary," is out on the warpath after somebody. Of course, this is nothing new ; Frank frequently is out on the warpath. But this time, he is absolutely fee-rocious, and seeketh gore, sir, Gore with a big, elephantine G. So, at least, we should imagine after reading the following fearsome par in the. "Luminary" : " Can any of our readers inform us of the whereabouts of Mr N (the acetelyne man) who was round the North some time ago ? If so, we should be pleased to receive his address and make him hum." Now, what has the gentleman mentioned .been doing to Frank to cause the latter to desijre to make him " hum." And why make him " hum," anyway ?

Young New Zealand is forging ahead in the theatrical world. For instance, both Harry Plimmer and Reynolds Denniston, under whose auspices the "Lovers' Lane" Company is touring, are New Zealanders. Mr Plimmer is a Wellington boy, while Mr Denniston, if we mistake not, a *ephew of Mr Justice Denniston. hails from Christchurch. Harry Roberts, who is now a star of the first magnitude, is an Aucklander, as is also Miss Jennie Pollock, who has for years been taking leading parts on the Australian stage. Then there is Winter Hall, who has worthily worked his way up the rings of the dramatic ladder. He is a native of Christchurch. Also, Miss Rosemary Rees, who hails from Gisborne. Miss Florence Quinn, of the Williamson operatic companies, is an Auckland girl, and there are doubtless many others who could be called to mind. In spite of the numerous importations from England, New Zealand talent seems very well able

to hold its own on the professional boards. So budding local amateurs need not, after all, feel discouraged. • » • On account of frequent mistakes that are said to have occurred in taking divisions in the House, Sir Joseph Ward has expressed his intention of instituting a system of recording yotes by electricity. This is indeed electrifying news. 'Neath a system like*this, 'tis abundantly plain, - Tho' mistakes in the votes may ne'er happen again, Tho' the job may be done with superior speed, Still, this new kind of method is "shocking" indeed. • » ■ An excitable individual named Mansel Knocks has been fined £3 and costs at Levin for rushing on to a football field and assaulting one of the players. Of course, our bumptious bard couldn't let the opportunity slip, and when last heard of, he was warbling thus :— Oh, tins gentleman named Mr Knocks, In a style that was unorthodox, Sent that footballer stiff With a merciless biff— 'Twas a strenuous sample of knocks. So they snavelled the strong Mr Knocks, ' . Whom they placed in the prisoner's box. - And they fined him three quid For the things that he did— Now he won't be so free with his knocks. - • -* * There is no sentiment about the business men of Opotiki. Because the prophetic/humbug Rua brought a section of his harem into that town, and splashed money freely about in buying, among other things, jewellery and general finery for nis .'' wives," he was, according to the local paper, called " a jolly good fellow " by the storekeepersol Opotiki. It appears that Rua had become possessed of some thousands of pounds by the sale of the Waimana lands, and promptly Proceeded to spend it right royally. t 'resumably, the misguided followers of the " prophet " had no say. in the spending of the cash, and it would be interesting to learn their feelings . on the subject. *.; \.,;<