FETMININE PHILOSOPHY.

* ~Loxo doesn't, laugh at goldsmiths. Haste makes waste, but taste makes waist too. A "man about tovru" is often a man about down. "It takes two to make a quarrel" — bnt almost any two will do. First Lady Angel to Second Lady Angol — Is my halo on straight? The library of a really literary man seldom includes a cheque book. You can lead a man to a cozy corner, but yon can't make him sit in it. A great many men carry their religion like their property in their wives' names.

Perhaps not so many people marry as formerly, but those* who do marry oftoner. About the meet efficacious cure for feminine depression or anemia, is a new dress and hat. A girl feels justified in swearing 1 tliafc the hair on. her head is her own, when she paid for it. Was it modesty or ignorance that made the young housewife ask the butcher for "bust of veal?" Two women can lunch sumptuously off a piece of toast and the memory of last Sunday's dinner. Lots of girls think it would be jiist 6plcndid to bo widows, without having to get married first. Some women are so contrary that if it were not for the. looks of the thing they would walk backwards. When a man decides that he ought to get married, it's a sign that some woman helped him to the decision. I know a lot of bachelors who would rather charge a battery of Gatling guns j than to hold a baby two minutes. When a girl likes a fellow real well she shows it by treating him as though she disliked him more than anyone else. "Handsome is as handsome does" has been amended by the ladies to read "Handsome is as handsome dresses." Old whisky and young women play havoc wlkk a fallow, but then who would care for young whisky and old women? Lovers like to quarrel on the same theory that a small boy likee to stub his toe — it feels ao good when, it quits hurting. Mrs Chadwick must have been a hypnotist to get so much money from aged bankers. She is neither young nor pretty. Women i.ro so pessimistic that they get a good deal of pleaeurp out of life by being surprised that something awful didn't happen. Nearly every man is busy making money for some woman — if he worked only for himself he would loaf most of the time. I have been accused of making contradictory statements in this department, but it must b© remembered that I am -writing about women. When a husband and wife let it be known that they occupy separate apartments, it's a sign that they are trying to break into society. When a fellow doesn't scratch his hand on belt buckles at a summer resort, it's a sign that he is either an old hand at the. business or is neglecting his opportunities. The reason for the popularity of divorce in St. Louis has been discovered. An astute lawyer has advertised to procure them for 49 dollars and 98 cents. Woman may be the weaker vessel, as the men claim, but occasional fits of anger demonstrate the- fact that she can contain more explosive material than any two of the stronger vessels. i Ever since Eve> ate one in the garden I of Edeu the apple has been man's favourite fruit. Most of the men. who claim to be selfmade don't appear to have thoroughly finished the job. "The boys of to-day are the men of tomorrow," and the- girls of to-day are the women of to-night. There is only one creature on earth more unreasonable than a jealous woman and that is a jealous man. Friendship between women is a sort of business co-partnership wherein each expects a favour of the other. The spinster isn't always to be pitied, and no one knows this better than a woman who is unhappily married. When a woman makes her own clothes it is a sign that her husband has more money to spend on cigars and things. No woman need worry over the sarcastic remarks her husband makos about her Easter bonnet. The poor fellow is entitled to something for his money. When a woman joins a euchre club it is a sign that her husband will coon have to foot the bills for some new furniture as good as that of the other members.