POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXX, Issue 12, 13 July 1935, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

By PERCY FLAGB

Do you know that there was a time when the Aga Khan hadn't a penny more than £400,000 a year? The trouble about these New Deals is that they didn't come down from Sinai, as so many of their discoverer! imagine. The scheme—guaranteed prices—proposed by the Leader of the Opposition to remove the spectre of poverty from our midst doesn't look to have a ghost of a chance. Personally we'd like to see bookmakers registered if only to hear some of them wrestling with such horse names as Ptolemy, Anemometer, Leprechaun, Bettwys-y-coed, La Poupee, Cruachan, Ythan, and Aweketia. a a « DISCLAIMER. Public notice in the eminent "Republican News," Mount Vernon, U.S.A.:— WRONGFULLY ACCUSED.—Having been accused of making and selling booze, will say no one has ever seen me drunk or even drinking. And no one ever saw me make any attempt at making or selling booze, and I would like for the one who, started that to prove it. ARTHUR O'BANION. I'» » V . NEWS AT LAST. It was the late Lord Northclifie who said (after a Yankee editor had given him a lead) that if a dog bit a man it was not news, but if a man bit a dog it was. Well, according to the "Newspaper News" (Sydney), a man has at last bitten a dog. At Bundaberg last month a stray hound entered the bar of a hotel, and, in its efforts to get out, jumped frantically on to the bar counter, upsetting drinks. A farmer was so enraged that he grabbed the dog and bit its ear. The dog was dropped to the floor and at once fled. The pubkeeper thanked the farmer, and also presented him with a bottle of rum. # * » . LUCK. With Trentham concluded today, this story may be considered apropos. Spain's saddest man several weeks ago was a policeman. He held (without knowing it, of course), the winning ticket in a State lottery recently drawn. But not liking the look of it he exchanged it for another the day before the draw. And the man who won the lottery has developed St. Vitus dance as a result of the shock. Which reminds us of whatIhappened in Christchurch some years ago when a bungalow was being raffled. A returned soldier spent 5s on two tickets, one of which he decided to present to a favoured maid in his boarding-house. They tossed for first choice—and 24 hours later the young lady was the owner of a house valued at £820. . '.:■ «■ » SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that— (1) Love's young dream is mostly honeymoonshine? (2) The brothers Van Harten, of Hot land, the oldest twins known, have just celebrated their 90th birthday? Although nearly blind, they enjoy good health. (3) Hubert E. Walton, who looks after mail matters at Rickmanswortb, is 6ft Bin high, and the tallest postmaster in England?,. .-.■■- v , -: (4) The first vessel in the world to be constructed of all welded steel, the yacht Wishbone, was launched at Cowes last month? There is not a rivet in the ship (5) According to a breeder, mica have been produced in 17 different colours, and that the more spots on a mouse the more valuable it is? (6) A resident of Myrtleford (Vie toria) has an 83-year-old potato? His mother placed it on top of the flro place in 1852, and today it looks like a red-brown stone. (7) Debreesen, a town in Hungary, is said to rival London and New York in size, its buildings extending over 600 square miles? (8) The Jonker diamond, lately sold for £150,000, looks and feels like a large dull lump of washing soda? (9) Ten million Britishers now have £366,000,000 standing to their credit in the P.O. Savings Bank in addition to £180,000,000 worth of Government Slock bought through their savings bank accounts? ; (10) A Folkestone man won a championship with a pumpkin 7ft 4in in circumference and weighing 1491b? « -;:• * BALLADE OF FORGETFULNESS. Before the fire the plumber sits _ Cosily couched in his easy chair, Across the hearth his goodwife knits Gadgets for her best half to wear. Outside the storm roars everywhere With a raucous shouting and violent wings. And the plumber he simply does not care . . . Dreaming of long forgotten things; Now and then through his brain-pan flits A thou&'lit for those—and they are not; rare— Whose rust-worn roofs the rain transmits . In sleek slow rivulets down the stair. It would make a suave Rotarian swear Or a dissolute angel pawn its wings; But the plumber he dozes in his lair . . , Dreaming of long forgotten things. Valves and leaky taps worn to bits, Hot water pipes in need of repair. And the tools that lie left behind—the wits (And nifc- and halfwits) did not spare Their venomous shafts, but the savoir f aire Of the trade in no case felt th« stings, Nor did our hero snuggled there . . « Dreaming of long forgotten things. ENVOI. Householders all, life's wear-and-tear Nothing.of cheer to anyone brings, Save to the gent with his nose in the air - Dreaming of long forgotten things. «■ *' * FREAK SPORT. Wheelbarrow "Derbies" are some> thing o£ a vogue in these parts, due to that Mount Buffalo "barrowthon," and the day may not be far distant when, imitating the Amurkans, we shall see frog-jumping contests competing for public patronage with whippet racing. They have what is called an International Jumping Frog Jubilee every year in Angels Camp, California, and the wagering is always heavy. General Grant, winner of last year's blue ribbon, sprang 12ft 9in—a record, defeating 167 opponents. He was a warm favourite for the title, which was decided on May 18 last; we regret that no particulars of the event are yet to hand. The batrachian who was favourite for the first contest—way back in 1865—was a swamp star named Daniel. The bookmakers "cleaned up" because two owners of another entry filled Daniel full of buckshot, and a real thoroughbred went down to defeat. Mark Twain reported th« event in his famed short story "Th« Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaverat County."