these kids for?’ But Kara helped and she and two of Nanny's girls were soon gabbling quickly. Kara was always good at getting on with people. I sat down by Dad and listened to him and Uncle Pita talking, but I couldn't understand. And anyway, I wanted to go to the toilet. I leaned over and whispered to Dad. He laughed and asked Nanny Caroline, ‘E Kara! My boy wants to go and have a mimi,’ I looked down to the floor quickly and blushed. ‘Kopua,’ Nanny called, ‘you show your cousin where the lavatree is. Go with him. He might fall into the hole.’ Kopua grinned at me and got a torch. ‘Come on coz,’ he said. Nanny's place didn't have a toilet inside. I put my shoes on and Kopua shone the torch along a track. At the end of the track was a tin shed and Kopua shone the torch inside. ‘I'll wait here,’ he said. He sat on a log. ‘No, it's all right,’ I said. But he just sat there, directing the light on the seat. I tried to hide myself as I slid my pants down. I wished the place had a door on it. I was sure that they could see me from the house. ‘Pass me a comic,’ Kopua said. I reached down to the wooden boards and threw him a tattered Western. He swung the torch from me to the pages. We weren't allowed to read comics, only Dad. I tried to hurry up and make as little noise as possible. And when I finished, I tried not to rustle the paper too much. ‘I'm finished now,’ I said when I was dressed again. ‘That was short,’ Kopua said. He grinned. I was glad it was dark. We walked back to the house. Dad was getting ready to go. Pare had fallen asleep and he had taken her to bed. Kara was crying and I would have cried too, except that boys aren't allowed to cry. ‘We walked with Dad to the truck. He kissed us both. ‘Be good,’ he said. ‘Will you be back to get us?’ Kara asked. ‘O course,’ he said. We held him tight and then he hopped into the truck and started the motor. The truck backed onto the track, and headlights swung round. Then it slowly trundled away, and we were left standing with Nanny Caroline, under the lamp collecting moths to its glow. That night, I tried not to cry too loudly, because I was in the boys' room. There were three beds, and I shared one bed with Kopua and Hone. I was in the middle and it was uncomfortable because Kopua kept on kicking and Hone was always pulling the blankets off. It was strange sleeping with other people, but Nanny's place was very small. The younger ones even slept in her bed, with her and Uncle Pita. I wondered how the kids didn't fall off, because Nanny was very fat and Uncle had a big puku. Kara and Pare were sleeping in the next room. We had kissed each other before going to bed, Kara and I, because now that Dad was gone, we only had each other and Pare. I couldn't go to sleep for a long time, because Pare woke up soon after Dad left and she kept on calling ‘Mummy, Mummy,’ and that made me cry too. But Nanny got up and I watched the candle flickering past the door and heard Nanny comforting her. Then the candle floated past the door again, and I saw Nanny holding Pare in her arms, taking her to sleep in her bed. I wished I could go too, because Nanny looked just like Mum in the candlelight. For a long time, I listened to Pare sobbing, and the warm hushed sounds of Nanny singing her a song. Then the sobbing began to get quieter, and soon there was only that soft lullaby, sending me to sleep. The next morning, I woke up to find I was the only one in bed. I jumped out and hurriedly got dressed before somebody came in. There were no doors and I was shy. I called through the wall, ‘Kara, are you there?’ There was no answer, so I crept slowly into the room to have a look. She was gone. And so was Pare. I walked into the kitchen to look for them. Nanny was sitting at the table playing patience. Pare was clinging to her skirt. ‘Tena koe, sleepyhead,’ she laughed. I looked down. ‘You have a good sleep,’ she asked. I nodded, ‘Yes, thank you, Nanny.’ She laughed again and said ‘Come and give Nanny a kiss.’ So I put up my cheek for her. ‘My mokopuna,’ she said kindly, ‘you're Julia's kid all right. You got a hungry puku?’ I said yes, so she yelled out, ‘Grace! Come and get some kai for your cousin.’ Grace came in. and through the open door I could see Kara playing with the