said to him that he had never enjoyed such rich food in his life and that he was indeed deeply grieved that his wife, his children and all his relatives were not present to partake of such a wonderful feast. ‘That Pakeha was a real hard case, and they were good cobbers after that. ‘The Spencers’ meal was fit for a king, but not for this warrior. My mouth watered for brisket and puha and a few kumaras. This was before that crowd in Hokianga started selling them and then the blight came along. ‘I soon learned, just as Kani had said, that the purpose of a Pakeha meal is to talk, not what I had been used to—sit up, eat up, shut up and get up to make room for the others. ‘We talked about everything … how sad it was seeing the young people leaving home and other things. Mind you I kept to the “steady does it” policy of “yes” and “no” until towards the end of the meal. I had put together in my mind a beauty sentence but couldn't use it. They wouldn't ask me the right question. ‘As we were leaving the dining room one of the children said to me, “Did your grandfather eat anybody?” I said, “I'm not sure, but I heard he only had the gravy.” Mrs Spencer looked pretty pale. I was now feeling much more confident. I had a new look policy! ‘The old man's voice seemed to be there with me and everything was going just as he had predicted. “After ‘pudding’ you won't pack up your plates, but just sit until the wife gives you the signal to move out into another room. You must be careful to wait until the lady of the house sits down—not like with us, when the ladies have to wait until the men sit down. Anyway with us they'd be busy cleaning up the dishes and feeding the children. When you go to the other room the host will not stand up and make a speech of welcome, so you won't have to worry about having a reply ready, as you do when you visit some of your kinsmen. You must keep awake. They are not like us. With them it is rude for a visitor to fall asleep. And you mustn't sit on the floor either. You will have to join in the conversation. Even if you do not understand what it is about, give the impression that you do. When you have something to say, make sure it is important. Try to steer the conversation round to things you know, because the ‘yes—no’ policy gets a bit boring.” ‘We started talking about diving for kinas, koura, and paua, and about line fishing. Mr Spencer was a good talker. Mind you if I had had what he had to drink, Parliament would have had nothing on us—but remember, I was only a youngster, and the strongest I had that night was iced lemon drink. Mr Spencer was such a yarn spinner that Ripleys would find it hard to match him. ‘I thought to myself, “Alright Mita Peneha, anything you can do, I can match it.” So I told him a yarn about a ‘make up’ tupuna who was diving near Kerikeri and found an old lamp that looked as if it came off a Spanish galleon. It was covered with barnacles, and eventually when the barnacles were cleared away, a light was still flickering. ‘Mita Peneha looked very hard at me and he said that he had been fishing that morning and had caught an eight foot tamure. I smiled at him and said, “I think that's a long one.” ‘You know he came back at me and said. “You blow the candle out of the lamp, and I'll cut my fish in half.” These Pakehas, they haven't got a sense of humour. ‘Not long after that defeat I heard the rattle of dishes and the squeaky sound of wheels. “My word”, I thought, “That's right, this is the Pakeha way of saying ‘go home’ or ‘we want to go to bed’—just like what the old man had said.” “After you have been talking for a while, usually between 9 and 10 p.m., the lady of the house will rise, say ‘Excuse me,’ and disappear. By this time of course the children will have long since been taken off to bed—not like ours, who stay up until the bitter end. She will return either carrying a tray or pushing a trolley. The end of supper is your signal to leave. You must thank the lady of the house first, then your host, not like us, when you thank the eldest first and then your host.” ‘We drank our tea and had some kai, had more talk, then I waited for about a minute, stood up, and repeated the magic sentence that had been taught me. I said thank you to Mrs Spencer first, then Mr Spencer, and I looked around to say thank you to the kids. Then I realised they had gone to bed. ‘I reckoned I was doing grand. After ex-