Whanaungatanga works best within families

Tu Tangata, Issue 36, 1 June 1987, Page 32

Whanaungatanga works best within families

NGA WHANAU

Na Rakapa Sturm

Establishing Family Traditions The most vital part in all moral education is the importance of the parents themselves being committed to something when the parents are clear about their commitments and are free to practise them out daily in the presence of their children. For a modern Maori family some are traditional values which are considered important today. “A Family That Prays Together Stays Together”. Family prayer can draw families closer. It is the consistency that is important, either in morning or evening, with every family member participating. Family Dinner This joins a family on recognising that a meal, like other blessings in life is not to be taken for granted, with grace given first. Mealtime is a golden opportunity for the kind of family communication that draws one to open up. Questions like “who’s having a problem?” these days gives a family member time to open up and a chance to be a real support system.

Personal Interviews with Family Members AND HOW TO GET YOUR KIDS TO TALK TO YOU. Much of what’s involved with raising good children and remaining close to them comes down to communication. We need to communicate effectively in order to teach them the values we cherish. We need to help them learn right and wrong and let them know and appreciate them. If our communication with our children is good our overall relationship will be good, and they’ll be more open. Shared activities encourage meaningful conversation. If this is possible to establish a chat on a one to one basis, then ask kids what they want to talk about as well. Discuss about carrying out responsibilities at home and seeing beyond. Good Books for teenagers have a special value, these offer a temporary retreat from stresses of those years. By reading

through a situation, feeling a moral dilemma or facing moral dangers, books show struggling youth in a wholesome or captivating way, that a teenager can relate to. Here they have a chance to experience what they don’t have to cope with. Some books are opportunities to see how other young people work through issues of identity, independence, sex, parent child conflict and the responsibilities of approaching maturity. How Do We Get Along With Teenagers?

When our children become teenagers it’s like a tornado has hit. When we see them as an emerging adolescent in our midst, sometimes we feel like we are reeling. Parents struggle with the separate identity and dealing with the interaction. Parental authority is questioned, and being fair and reasonable is not easy.

Peers gain a new power. The paramount influences, regardless of past relationship with parents, is his peers. Parents have to fight for equal time. Sometimes teenagers are caught in the middle. They turn away from their parents and learn to stand on their own two feet, so define their own identity and get a sense of themselves as a separate person. Unfortunately conflict and stress related situations occur, and some poor parents think they are “terrible teenagers”.

To be able to deal with your teenage child, there are some important things to remember. 1. Base your authority on love. Let your child know you love them. But first we must love ourselves in order to love your child. Love is important for feeling of self worth, self concept, and self esteem. 2. Always maintain a positive personal relationship with your teenager through a strong family life hopefully established as a toddler. Your child must feel his worth as a member of the family,

and a sense of identity with the family. 3. Foster a spirit of independence to develop a new relationship and respect for your teenager’s needs. But also to stand apart from the crowd. 4. Always keep the lines of communication open. “Everybody’s Doing It” A common complaint of the teenagers “joining the crowd” morality, faces many parents. This does not fit in necessarily with the family interest of values. Many teenagers think they deserve all kinds of privileges without working for them. With a sense of independence, there emerges a sense of balance, and control must be exercised by the parents. Try to remember that self esteem is the backbone of an independent personality. When a teenager wants so much to be accepted, to conform, he needs to resist peer pressures. In the face of inner vulnerabilities, the first thing they want from us is understanding.

“It’s Not Fair” It’s not fair is something parents hear far too often. That’s right nothing in this world is fair or no one said it was fair. A fairness approach does inject an element of equality into parent/child relationships in that you treat your kids as persons who have feelings, that parent/child are equal but they’re not. Bear in mind you are the boss, or the authority figure. You have the right and duty to set limits and boundaries and hold your children accountable to them.

Good effective parents are those comfortable being parents. The interaction of the family is normal and healthy to teach love of themselves, that they are loved, and love for society as well. Praise, encourage and pay attention to the needs and matching control of your childs needs. Discipline is one thing and punishment is another. Raising your family is fun and rewarding as well.