Grief, Death and Bereavement Among Maori and Pacific People

Tu Tangata, Issue 14, 1 October 1983, Page 27

Grief, Death and Bereavement Among Maori and Pacific People

Ncreasingly, health care workers are expected to offer competent intervention and support in cases of bereavement. Certainly more is known now, through a burgeoning literature on the subject, but more is expected too, as the public witness better terminal care and greater psychological awareness among professionals. While the grief process and bereavement behaviour have been studied intensively in European culture, there has been comparatively little study of bereavement patterns among Polynesian groups in New Zealand, especially with reference to what may be offered by the doctor or other health care workers. This article looks at bereavement in Maori, Samoan, Tongan, Cook Island, Niuean and Fijian societies and examines the psychological implications of these for the care of the family and of the community. Each pattern sheds useful light on European bereavement also.

As is usual in European culture, all Polynesian cultures try to make a member’s last days as happy as possible. However, there is divergence on the propriety of divulging a prognosis. Most European clinicians in New Zealand would probably affirm (at least theoretically) the practice of ‘telling the patient’. This open awareness is generally maintained in Maori, Samoan, Cook Island, Niuean, and Fijian Christian groups. In Tonga, the family and the community discuss death openly with each other, but not with the dying person himself, unless and until he raises it, after which communication will become open. Interestingly, the Fijian Indian is unlikely to discuss the impending death with anyone outside of the immediate family.

Will of God

It is significant that throughout the Polynesian cultures there is an acceptance of death as being the will of God. Even Fijian Indians, who may be Hindu or Muslim, share a similar fatalism. This aspect aside, the terminally ill Polynesian appears to maintain considerable control in this phase as he begins to let go, Quite deliberately, his relationships and belongings. Often he w iU niake demands on certain members “Will you do this with your life so that I might die happy knowing that you are doing the right thing?” He may be actively involved in a verbally expressed will ° r a discussion of funeral arrangements. Such discussions have great power for the survivors who will seek

to obey out of respect, love, and obedience, and this is usually done without resentment. Later adversity following disobedience is often blamed on a lack of respect for these dying injunctions. Tongan Behaviour After the Tongan dies the family elder will organise the preparations for various parts of the ceremony. He is usually the eldest living male relative of the deceased, although if this is not practical, the family elects an elder to preside. The women are expected to dress the body, which in the New Zealand setting, may be taken to the

funeral parlour and displayed. Each evening people will come to pray and weep over the body, perhaps to kiss the deceased, and to speak directly to the person who has died. Such catharsis is encouraged and facilitated by the body’s being kept for perhaps a week before the funeral to allow people to come from overseas to pay their last respects. Even children are encouraged to participate in this ceremony and will kiss and touch the corpse. The Tongan view is that they initially associate death with sleeping but gradually, through such ceremonies, they learn to accept the reality of death. The pre-funeral period is called A Po, meaning “to wait up all night.” On the night before the burial the mourners may gather together around the deceased to accompany him through the

night. They will sing hymns, pray, drink kava (a traditional tongan drink) and generally talk about the deceased, his life and times.

Visiting guests will have brought food, mats and other gifts, which will be distributed according to blood status. It may appear strange that persons with a higher blood status than the deceased (i.e. Fahu) get first choice ahead of those with lower status (i.e. Tu’a). The personal effects of the deceased are buried with him, and his other possessions may be distributed by the family to others in the community. Crying and Wailing Tongan bereavement behaviour is marked by the mourners’ wearing black clothes, and even a mat wrapped around them, for a variable period depending on their closeness to the deceased. When the Queen of Tonga died the whole population was requested to wear black for six months and her immediate family were expected to do so for a further six months.

The funeral is usually Christian and there is likely to be considerable crying and wailing, especially by the women. Afterwards, the mourners will attend the burial and will then be invited by the elder to a feast (Pongi Pongi) which is often held in the church hall. Any who wish will be able to make speeches at this time. The mourning period, which will last for some twenty days thereafter, will be marked by daily visits with flowers to the cemetery and by the supportive presence in the home of the extended family of the deceased. While the mourners are usually very generous and bring gifts of food with them, the family is expected to bear the costs involved.

Unlike the European family, the Tongan family will have a mourning period which wall be “unveiled” by annoncement from the elder, after which the survivors may continue their normal life style. Further formalisation of mourning is provided by the family’s calling together its members for an anniversary party, one year after the death occurred.

The deceased’s old church congregation is invited and the family make a contribution to the church at this time. The western clinician may envy the Tongan this particular aspect, since it appears to mitigate against the troublesome features so often encountered by the bereaved European as part of the ‘anniversary reaction’, involving rekindled unresolved grief.

Death of Cook Islander

Typically, the death of a Cook Islander is notified immediately to the whole of his community. There is substantial emotional and financial support given because it is felt that the deceased belonged to the community and that the death is a community loss. As in Tongan culture, the body is usually

prepared by a female relative of the deceased. In New Zealand, most hospital mortuaries co-operated in preparing the body in traditional style. The males are expected to provide food for the community through the bereavement period. The ceremonies are begun only after the friends and family have arrived.

On the evening before the burial, a service called the Apera is held, during which the body is placed in the middle of the house. The mourners are expected to touch and embrace the corpse. This practice is more common in the Cook Islands than in the New Zealand Cook Island community, where, for example, children usually do not go near the body. At the Apera people will pray over the deceased, crying and making speeches recalling the good as well as the bad attributes of the person.

The deceased is treated as though he is still alive until after the burial. The Apera is a time of catharsis when the community has opportunity to express emotion and to pay its respects to the deceased.

At the burial, close relatives of the deceased will cut tresses off their hair and place these in the coffin with the body, along with the deceased’s most personal possessions. In New Zealand, mourners are expected to return from the burial to the church hall for a light meal together, and some may return to the family home. The church service on the Sunday after the burial is dedicated to the deceased. Those who are in mourning are expected to wear black clothes for three months after the death and to place flowers on the grave each Sunday. Donations may be given to the family during this bereavement period, and if a sufficient sum is gathered some monument may be erected and an unveiling ceremony held.

The bereavement pattern in the Cook Island community indicates continuing support to the family of the deceased, along with gentle encouragement to return to a normal life-style as the deceased is regarded as having had his life and gone on to better things.

Niuean Community

As in other Polynesian cultures, the death of a member of the Nuiean community involved the gathering together of family and villagers. The body is prepared by the adults of the immediate family of the deceased, and children are not permitted to participate as the genitals are considered to be taboo. In New Zealand, the Niuean family usually has the body prepared by the mortuary.

The funeral is held the day after the death, although in the New Zealand Niuean community a few days will elapse before the funeral to allow distant family and friends to travel. Again, during the nights prior to the funeral the family may visit the body in the

home or in the mortuary, hugging and kissing it as part of the farewell.

On the night prior to the burial visitors will come in choirs to the house and each sing a hymn in rotation throughout the night. Mourners are encouraged to express their feelings for the deceased, amid much moaning and crying, and fights have occurred during this immediate bereavement period, as an expression of angry recriminations.

The funeral service, held the morning after the night of singing, is usually of a Christian form. People wear either their best clothes or black garments. The mourning period is formalised at ten days after the burial, and members of the community may keep the bereaved family company right through this time, night and day. In the New Zealand Niuean community this practice is less common.

Unlike other Polynesian cultures the Niueans do not have an anniversary ceremony as they believe that this brings back memories. Even the tombstone, placed at the grave at any time, has no special ceremony attached to its erection. The only notable commemoration of the death may be in Niue where if a person has drowned, a ban will be placed upon fishing in that area for one year.

Expressing Feelings

The familiar pattern also occurs in Samoa where messages are sent out to friends and family immediately after the death, the women prepare the body for burial and the men are responsible for digging the grave and helping to prepare the food for the bereaved community. Mourners are encouraged to express their feelings for the deceased, and there will be much weeping and crying and holding and kissing the body. The funeral is usually a Christian service and there will be singing by many choirs. Speeches are made at the service by the minister, by the head of the family and by visiting heads of other families.

There occurs at this time the ritual giving of fine mats. In addition, preserved foods such as cans of corned beef and tinned fish may also be given, although gifts of fresh food are shared by the mourners. Again, black clothes are traditionally worn as a sign of grief.

The anniversary service, common in the Tongan culture, is not always held, but may be convened a year after the death of an important person in the Samoan community. Some two months after the death, a headstone and elaborate decorations will have been erected for the deceased, usually at the rear of the family home. This monument is usually dedicated during a church service. The Samoans interviewed during the present survey indicated a deep experience of consistent and long-term support for the bereaved individual and family. They credited this support with mitigating against any difficulties asso-

ciated with loneliness or loss, or what the European might call pathological grief.

Fijian Feast

The body of a deceased member of the Fijian community will be prepared by the women, except in New Zealand where it is usually prepared by the mortuary. The head of the deceased is left uncovered and members of the family may kiss the head by way of farewell. The funeral, usually within a day or two after the death, is of a Christian format. There will be speeches and anecdotes told about the deceased which touch on both positive and negative aspects.

After the burial it is customary to hold a large feast. This may last up to a day, depending upon the status of the deceased. Food and money to assist with this are brought by the mourners, and the generosity is often so full that the family may make gifts to the mourners. These gifts have special significance and are called Dubua. The mourners dress in black during the bereavement period. Life returns to normal in the Fijian community not after any formal announcement, but when the feast has died.

Maori Tangihanga

Many bemoan the loss of the traditional Tangihanga, which has had many of its aspects replaced by Christian ceremonies. However, there are basic elements which do remain. Wailing remains the ritual method of expressing grief, and laceration has disappeared. The intricate formalities of the Maori welcome and calling to the marae, the eloquent speeches to the dead and the singing of laments also remain.

The corpse may lie in an open coffin in the meeting house so that the visiting mourners can see the face of the deceased. In some areas it is customary to greet the corpse with the hongi, the formal welcome. The Tangihanga last for three days, during which time the visitors live in the meeting house and are fed by the kinsfolk of the deceased. The time before the burial is spent in talk, in song and in making speeches, as well as in debate over where the body should be buried.

Memorial Unveiled

The mourners disperse after the burial, but in modern Maori culture there may be an additional ceremony called the Poowhakamoemoe or Takahiwhare. The purpose of this is to remove the tapu of death from the residence of the deceased. The people attending this ceremony are principally kinsfolk who have borne the greater part of the work of the Tangihanga. It appears to be a more friendly and relaxed occasion lasting any time from

one night to two or three days, in which the participants eat and drink together and recall the less flattering situations in which the deceased had a part. They will also discuss affairs of immediate, local and family significance.

Tapu Removed

A year after the tangi, some regions will hold an unveiling of a memorial gravestone, which is a final token of love for the deceased. Invitations will be sent out to those who attended the tangi, with a date set for the unveiling. Such unveilings are often during long weekends. At Easter, for example, many communities in Northland hold mass unveilings of up to ten stones at once, following this with football and basketball competitions. The setting for this anniversary ceremony is similar to the tangi, except that the coffin is replaced by photographs of the deceased. Again, there will be the ceremonial calling on the dead and weeping as guests enter the marae.

Speeches recall the events in the life of the dead person and of his tangi, and after discussion among the elders, a favourite grandchild or niece of the deceased may be chosen to unveil the tombstone. This will be at eleven o’clock in the morning, when a black cloth is removed from the memorial stone. There will be a dedication service, and the group then returns to the marae for a feast. It is significant that this ceremony represents the last obligation which the community has to the deceased. It is also personally significant to the widow of the deceased, who after this anniversary ceremony is considered free to marry again.

Healthy Grieving

It is suggested that these data speak for themselves. In particular the following points emerge which are relevant to an understanding of not only Polynesian bereavement patterns, but also to the western or European responses to death. The New Zealander with European background has something to learn from his neighbours.

With minor exceptions, the Polynesians people practice open awareness when death is expected in a family and community. This would appear to allow for more healthy anticipatory grieving than is customary in deathdenying western culture. The verbal farewells that are made possible and the passage of goods between the dying family member and his relatives serve to bring to a psychological completion the active life in their midst. Again, this is in sad contrast to the unfinished nature of many relationships which are recounted by European New Zealanders who experience difficulties in bereavement.

In general, the Maori, Samoan, Tongan, Cook Island, Niuean and Fijian cultures show a religious resignation

about death, with the view that “he has gone to better things” mitigating against the sharp pain of loss. The decline of traditional Christian religious adherence in western culture may be hypothesised as constituting the loss of such a protective psychological buffer. Conversely, it is common for the devout westerner to employ his religious beliefs to offer rationality and emotional solace in times of bereavement.

The most striking finding in surveying Polynesian behaviour in bereavement is the almost overwhelming involvement of the community in both the funeral itself and in supporting the family before, during, and after the funeral. It is difficult to over-emphasise the significance of this support for the bereaved member. It is said that there is no such thing as a bereaved Polynesian only a bereaved people.

An aspect common to all the cultural groups considered was that of the opportunity for formalised catharsis which is provided by the bereavement ceremonies, for the benefit of the family and of the community. The elaborate speeches to the deceased about his or her life and times are a further psychological completion of the relationship with the loss it must now bear, as well as a re-affirming of the community structure and function. It is significant that these speeches extend much longer than the funeral service itself. They also give an opportunity for any member of the community who wishes to publicly express his grief and respect for the deceased. The Irish wake, with its story-telling and drinking, could be seen as a western equivalent in some respects. This fact, along with the reality of the body on display to the bereaved, and the physical contact which is encouraged, appear to be focal in diminishing the likelihood of pathological denial, which is so common in western bereavement.

Finally, this survey has left its European authors with not only a sense of the differences between European bereavement patterns and those encountered in our Pacific cultures, but also with a sense of the commonalities that exist among our behaviour in grief.

On the one hand it is suggested that by knowing more of the cultural expectations of other peoples, we may be more able to offer a sensitive understanding and support. On the other hand, it has been found that elements of Polynesian bereavement patterns exist at least in part, in western behaviour patterns. Thus, to understand the New Zealander who is Maori, Samoan, Tongan, Cook Islander, Niuean, or Fijian, is to understand more about the New Zealander.

Reprinted by kind permission of Kai Tiaki The N.Z. Nursing Journal, July ’B3.