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Rip It Up, Issue 225, 1 May 1996, Page 7

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“If I had a choice, I’d take every music programme director in New Zealand, line them up against a wall, and shoot them. As soon as the blood was washed away, presuming they had any, I’d line up the TV programmers and senior executives, and shoot them as well.” Actor/radio personality/cricket commentator lan Watkin doesn’t need to kiss ass to get work. “If the [acting] career doesn’t work out, I’ll definitely go to college and try another line of work. If that doesn’t pan out, I can always go shoot up and be a rock star.” Here’s hoping Edward Furlong doesn’t give up his dayjob. “Honey, there’s nothing better than sticking your hand up a kilt and feeling a naked bottom.” Garbage’s Shirley Manson gets cheeky about her heritage. “The more you show your arse off at public functions, the more people like it.” The pre-Jacko controversy Jarvis Cocker speaks prophetically. “One [‘Something Changed’ single cover] features sexually provocative images of a woman, and the other should feature sexually provocative images of a man. Only bisexual people are allowed to buy both. If we get to Number 1 it will prove we have a large bisexual following, which will please me no end.” A market researching Jarvis Cocker plans Pulp’s next publicity coup. “We did have to sign a contract saying: ‘We will no longer write anything like ‘Sex With Your Parents’.’ That is part of the deal to get into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame, I had to guarantee I would not in any way do anything provocative, and that I would turn into a self-satisfied... smug... prat.” Lou Reed and the Velvets sell their souls for rock ’n’ roll. “If you’re 50 percent of all the music being sold today, you should have 50 percent of the power. Hut we don’t.” Motown’s Andre Harrell measures their Black Power. “I dedicate this to my old mate Damon. The next time I see you I’m going to shove it up your arse.” Tricky holds his NME Brat Award and gives one good reason why Damon Albarn should not have said “no” to their collaboration being released. “I like soap operas as a concept, because they give people something to gossip about besides their own friends.” Aimee Mann knows what’s needed to keep people nice. “People seem to think alternative bands have crossed over, but in terms of what they’re doing, they’re actually pretty retarded.” Luke Haines of the Auteurs on Britpop. • “Britpop is dreary, with their four chords and spotty student faces. That’s the problem with pop — if you’re young and good-looking, no one will take you seriously. Whereas if you’re an ugly fuck, it’s perfectly acceptable to be a serious musician.” East 17 manager Tom Watkins on Britpop. “Take That were just dancers. Girls who go to see East 17 want to get fucked, girls who go to see Take That don’t know what fucking is.” East 17 manager Tom Watkins on Take That.