GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK ELVIS

Rip It Up, Issue 197, 1 December 1993, Page 33

GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK ELVIS

THAT JOKE ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE ELVIS IS DEAD - LONG LIVE UH, GEE, WELL, BONO, I GUESS It is OVER. This is FAREWELL. Elvis's job is accomplished — EVERYONE IS A FUCKING STAR. See MARCUS LUSH on - the PERFECT television CONCEPT. See viewers ask JUDE for advice. See GIGGLY loudmouth Mr Lush comment on DIETING and BREAST REDUCTION, subjects (ahem) close to his heart. It is with the best of wishes that we pen this letter now; "DEAR MARCUS and PANELMEMBERS, I used to be funny but now I have turned into the DAVID McPHAIL of column writing. My humour talents have been eclipsed by such collected wits as GESPATCHO INTRA and the Wild Man of the Listener GORDON "SALT OF THE EARTH" CAMBPELL. (Say Gordon, what ever DID happen to all your favourite bands of the 80s? You know, like the EAGLES, PAUL 51M0N)..." yes, t'would be a great letter to Marcus and his band of merry problem solvers. We could WRITE IT, and we'd probably even GET A REPLY. MARCUS LUSH on a 90s rehash of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST — it's a joke Elvis CAN'T TOP. (Even if the top was slightly reduced.) Speaking of Beauty and the Beast, PAUL from FREAKPOWER got married. To WHOM? Does she have a MOTHER TERESA complex? Or do we mean (streetwise slouch, sniff) a MUTHAFUKKIR complex?? Anyway, when the BOUQUET was thrown, nobody ran faster in the other direction than WILDERBEASTSIDE mogul MURRAY CAMMICK. Murray running? It's just something else FUNNIER than anything Elvis could come up with. Say, didjaseetheU2concertohfuckmanitwasreallyamazingetctetc. Yes, U2. If they're the biggest band in the world then OUR SIDES ARE SPLITTING. Lead deity and famous SHORT PERSON singer BONGO "she wore LEMONS"

VICKS disappeared with a PRETTY YOUNG GIRLIE and was later seen CHATTING and having his PHOTO TAKEN on her front porch in PONSONBY. Good thing her ANGRY FLATMATE did not lean out the windowand tell herto STOP THE FUCKING NOISE and GO TO BED. What WE want to know is — how big is BONGO'S DTR RENTALS bill? All those television sets — where do they put the RABBIT'S EARS? WHY does THE HEDGE wear a LITTLE WOOLLY HAT? Is it to stop his BRAIN going COLD? In fact, everywhere we look, young men are wearing PHIL WARREN GOATEES and LITTLE WOOLLY HATS. Just another joke ELVIS CANNOT TOP, we guess. Yes, the TIMES they are a-changin'. And we have a new (yawn) ELECTORAL SYSTEM and (yawn) oh a new GOVERNMENT sort of but not really and HELEN "ADDAMS FAMILY" CLARKE is (yawn) leader of the other party, (yawn cough snore) you know, the one that will never win anything ever again (yawn) and is now lying drunk in the gutter being kicked in the head by BILL RALSTON and actually I voted for PETER SHIRTCLIFFE, I can believe in someone who looks like a co-star in THE DARK CRYSTAL... Politics- ELVIS can't think of a BETTER JOKE THAN THAT.

Entertainment! Have you noticed how STAR TREK has been really boring lately??? Why is everyone wearing WHITE SHIN-PADS, and what's with the FOUR-HOUR episodes, and why is the bridge of the ENTERPRISE painted GREEN???Where'sBIG-CHESTEDCOUNCILLORTROY?AndBIG-ARSEDWESLEY "BALL" CRUSHER? And why is DATA throwing a little red ball around? Entertainment! How could ELVIS make it FUNNIER?? JURASSIC PARK? JURASSIC FUCKING SCRIPT more like. Why wasn't HARVEY KEITEL in it? He's in EVERYTHING ELSE. Why doesn't he play FUCKING CRICKET?? Cricket and rugby! How many MORE months of the fucking year can we WATCH GROWN MEN rubbing each other's SHORTS with MUD?? And they say VIDEOS are responsible for crime... And now as a signing off community-style footnote: the NICK D'ANGELO FOUNDATION - PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY. Yes, Elvis has been helping NICK — a smile, a song and a wheelchair — for some months now. Just little things, you know, like a publicity-nod in his direction, or a printed word or two of encouragement, or some ORIGINAL IDEAS now and then... but lately, Nick has not been funny enough. NICK's looking a bit, how shall we say, PALLID as of late. Now that ELVIS is going, we leave YOU with Nick and the considerable responsibility — nay, legal culpability — which that entails. Ask not what Nick can do for you — the answer isn't funny — but what YOU can do for NICK. NICK's humour is failing to the point where he now requires an entire FUNNYBONE TRANSPLANT. So dig into those STICKY-PAGED MAGAZINES you keep under the bed and PULL SOMETHING OUT. So folks it's OVER. NO MORE MR SLAG. ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING. ELVIS SLAG, 1989-1993

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES Director: Penelope Spheeris Jed Clampett's move from shootin' up .Texas Tea to driving down Wilshire Boulevard took seconds over the credits of the 1960 s tv series. On the big screen Penelope Spheeris takes a good deal longerto setthe scene, and for a moment I feared that the chutzpah of this latterday Kettle family would be lost in a misty-eyed paen to the Ozarks. Things pick up, though, once the Clampettfamily are ensconced in Beverly Hills, and the plot whips into action. And the film certainly has a plot, complete with two .villains who would divest Jed of his newly-acquired millions.- The elegant Lea Thompson, last seen as the eternally sweet Mom in Dennis the Menace, is the biggest worry, luring Jed into her web with Hank Williams records, posing as a French governess to give Elly May the right finishing touch. As for the Clampetts themselves, the original quartet from television is be a hard act to follow, and Cloris Leachman, as Granny, sticks remarkably close to Irene Ryan's original. But was I the only one to find Dietrich Bader more amusing as the statuesque Jethrine than as the babbling Jethro? Was I alone in finding Jim Varney's Jed Clampett just a mite too glam? Or Erika Eleniak's Elly May too chic ? Noqualmsthough with Lily Tomlin as Jane Hathaway, Milton Drysdale's horsy Girl Friday, played on television by the wonderful Nancy Kulp. Tomlin, unlike her costars, does make one forget the original, with her high-class clowning, all goonisH smiles and gawky body language. The scene in which she disguises herself in blond wig, dark glasses and nurse's uniform to rescue Granny from the horrors of ECT is scrumptious. Spheeris recalls Hal Ashby's Being There in the closing credits, when she shows us various bloopers that happened during the shooting. One is more poignant than funny — Buddy Ebsen, the original Jed Clampett, playing a private eye in the film and having problems getting a line right. WILLIAM DART ’ ' " ' ' HOUSE OF ANGELS Director: Colin Nutley House of Angels is a rather old-fashioned affair. Like The Beverly Hillbillies, it involves money — a relatively small inheritance this time — and feeds off the conflict between sophisticated city types and country bumpkins (in this case the elegant Fanny who returns with boyfriend Zak and Harley-Davidson to take over a farm that she has been left in her grandfather's will). Nutley is British, but he manages to catch some of the charm of Bergman's Smiles of a Summer Night — this is not the time that the Swedish countryside has played host to a bitter-sweet comedy. '■ ' ‘ ' For all its quiet charm, I have two misgivings. At just over two hours, it's a little drawn-out, and I was rather surprised that in Sweden of all places, rural prudes would

be quite so scandalized by the sight of a group of decorous skmny-dippers singing Auld Lang Syne. WILLIAM DART DELUSION Director: Carl Colpaert Italian director, Michelangelo Antonioni, in one scene in his Zabrlskie Point, covered the dry terrain of Death Valley with couples making love; Belgian Colpaert uses the same unforgiving setting for an atmospheric thriller in which two men struggle for the possession of a car, a woman and a stash ofcash, though not necessarily in that order of priority. Delusion's cat-and-mouse game is well sustained in a film that effectively melds the genres of road movie and thriller. Colpaert has both an eye and ear for his subject— Geza Sinkovics' camera makes the most of life on the road, and catches the cool menace of the presumably deserted town that the final shootout takes place in; the script is sharp and Barry Adamson's score has some quirky vocal turns. Of the cast, Jim Metzler is all tight-lipped, New Age efficiency as the yuppie caught in a whirlwind of craziness, and Kyle Secor charms as the ruthless bandit. Although the part of Patti doesn't quite have the substance The Cos is the bad guy in A Perfect World... Or is he ?

that one suspects the film-makers intended it to have, Jennifer Rubin invests it with a lot of energy, and well deserves to wow them in Las Vegas with hercooler-than-cool version of These Boots Are Made for Walking.... WILLIAM DART HOT SHOTS! 2 Director: Jim Abrahams Somewhere out there in the Middle East—well quite specifically in Iraq, of course—our boys need help, and where help is needed, call Rambo sorry, 'Topper' Harley. Although the title of Abrahams' latest has been simplified for us Kiwis from the original Hot Shots! Part Deux, it's a jolly little farce. And it's played to the hilt by Charlie Sheen, with pecs to kill, Lloyd Bridges and Valeria Golino. Lloyd Bridges is particularly hilarious as Tug Benson, Idiot President, right down to his tummy turn at a Japanese State Dinner, and Jerry Haleva's pantywaist parody of Saddam Hussein is pure vaudeville. The comedy is low in pitch, and pacey in deliveryright through to the final credits with their fun facts, a pop quiz, startling revelations and a spurious Michael Bolton song. Fans will not be disappointed. WILLIAM DART A PERFECT WORLD Director: Clint Eastwood The significance of Eastwood's idyllic opening sequence is not revealed until the end of A Perfect World. The irony of thetitle permeates thefilm, as the director offers more observations on violence in America and the fragile

breaking point in seemingly ordinary lives. It's ironic that Eastwood's epic style should grace a film that is essentially small in scale — the tale of two escaped convicts who go on the run with a young boy as hostage in the Texas countryside. Pursued by veteran cop Red Garnett (Clint Eastwood), the lawman has his own problems, coping with the feisty feminism of criminologist Sally Gerber (Laura Dem), who the State has sent along for the experience A 1963 setting is crucial — placing the tale immediately prior to the Kennedy assassination. But Eastwood doesn't overplay period detail, apart from the lumbering mobile caravan/office that Eastwood and his team are trapped in. The backroads of Texas are much the same today as they were when the film was set. Thefilm'streatment of violence is occasionally equivocal. It's fine that Kevin Costner's Butch is quick to spring to the defence of abused youngsters, and the film deals sensitively with this particular issue and such other contemporary themes as sexual harrassment — there was cheering in the theatre when Dem put her knee to good use towards the end of the film. One later scene, however, in which Costner terrorizes a black family and finally goads his young companion (T. J. Lowther in a canny performance) to take matters into his own hands, is awkwardly handled. The finale of the film, played in wind-blown grassy fields, reminded me of Herzog's Wozzeck, but then Eastwood has always had the ability to evoke a landscape and the subtle links and interactions between.the land and the people who live on it. The success of last year's Unforgiven was not unexpected or undeserved. WILLIAM DART