SLAG

Rip It Up, Issue 176, 1 March 1992, Page 39

SLAG

TUNE OUT! TURN IN! And DROP OFF! Yes in a month when BELINDA 'TOUCH THAT DIAL, PLEASE TOUCH THAT DIAL' TODD confirms BARRY SHAW's suspicions by appearing with a BUNCH OF HIPPY LONGHAIRS on the cover of RIDEITUP magazine, you know it's time to CHANGE to CHANNEL SLAG, the 24-hour ALL-CRAP subscriber BULLSHIT CHANNEL Yes, research shows that MORE NEW ZEALANDERS get their MALICIOUS RUMOURS and FACTUAL INNACURACIES from CHANNEL SLAG than ANY OTHER NEWSCHANNEL And WHAT has been HAPPENING in the WORLD of TELEVISION this week? Let us TUNE IN to the ELVIS SLAG BIG EXCITING SWEATY WORLD OF NEWS. (PAUSE as Elvis slips into MAN-EATER McNAUGHT-style WIG and adopts POSH SEXY ACCENT...) And SPEAKING of BELINDA 'TUNE IN! TUNE OUT! TUNE IN! TUNE OUT!' TODD, her photo session with PUSH PUSH was a winner. At the beginning of the SESSION the band ask: 'Do you have any IDEAS for the PHOTO?' And so BELINDA imitates FELLATIO. And so the BAND all BACK AWAY because they are SKINNY YOUNG LADS who are AFRAID.

MEDIA NEWSFLASH: AUCKLAND! Aren't those television ads for RADIO HAURAKI GREAT? And wasn't it GREAT that NICK D'ANGELO helped out by agreeing to APPEAR DANCING IN THEM? GOOD MOVE, NICK! Look forward to seeing you doing the LAST TANGO IN PARIS dance step when you join that family for the BUTTER COMMERCIALS. And ANOTHER great commercial on TV features that CLASSIC ROCK number by the CLASH: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO. How FABULOUS. ELVIS looks FORWARD to the next jeans commercial that features the soundtrack to SANDINISTA: 'DIE DIE DIE COMMUNIST DOGS I WE KICK YOUR ARSE WITH AMERICAN WEAPONS AND ALSO SUM-FITTING WESTERN-TYPE JEANS I YEAH.'. And here is the JUDY BAILEY item: A FLUFFY KITTEN said MEOW in LOWER HUTT today. Police minister JOHN WANKS commented 'GNASH GNASH SNARL the public are SICK and TIRED of this sort of thing happening in society so I'm going to LEGALISE 900 STUKA DIVE-BOMBERS until H STOPS.' LIFESTYLES OF THE POOR AND OBSCURE: this week-CRAZEE MEDICAL MISHAPS! The world is FULL of FAMOUS PEOPLE

with LITTLE OR NO MUSCULAR CO-ORDINATION. Enter DR ELVIS SLAG, M.D., with a happy laugh-a-minute list of MEDICAL EVIDENCE: NAME: Simon Grigg. OCCUPATION: Apprentice DJ, Box nightclub. INJURY: BROKEN LEG (1990 but still good fora laugh). PROBABLY CAUSE: Answering back to Anne. NAME: Kirk Gee. OCCUPATION: GOOD FUCKING QUESTION. What DOES Kirk do around here apartfrom MESS UP THE PLACE and WASTE POP STARS' TIME on the telephone? INJURY: BROKEN LEG (March 1992). PROBABLE CAUSE: Successfully riding skateboard down 45-degree slope of Bowen St but bringing subsequent meteoric descent to a hah by inserting his young body BENEATH A PARKED CAR. EXCELLENT WAY TO GO KIRK. I bet they do that in THRASHER magazine ALL THE TIME. NAME: Karl. OCCUPATION: Whisky & Lace member (retired) and Rumblefish fan. INJURY: Hurt nose very very badly. PROBABLE CAUSE: Pulling down stage barrier at Rumblefish concert, then stage-diving from stage into barrier. DUH. NAME: Otis Frizzell. OCCUPATION: Crazee 'rap' artist with 'rap' group MC ORANGE DRINK AND RHYTHM METHOD. INJURY: BROKEN ARM (1991). PROBABLE CAUSE: GOING TO THE DOCTOR. Otis WOKE UP one morning with a SORE LEG and wentto SEE THE DOCTOR who revealed he had in fact BROKEN HIS ARM. What does this TELL US about MR OTIS'S NERVOUS SYSTEM?

ELVIS SLAG