PUMP UP D'ANGELO

Rip It Up, Issue 166, 1 May 1991, Page 31

PUMP UP D'ANGELO

The burden weighs heavily on my shoulders. Oh that I could but share it with others. Why me, dear god, why me? Am I to be the last “gossip” writer in this country? Are our minds so small that we cannot all share in the misfortune of others? Can we not laugh at them rather than with them?

"l am alone in the wilderness. Once | was the poor man’s FELICITY FERRET, now | am a MARKED MAN. Once | was greeted with the promise of CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION, now I'm told my TIME IS UP. (Yes, I've said this before). We are a dying breed. s

lhad hoped METRO would have stood tall, valiantly upholding the right of the FERRET to fabricate and decimate the ranks of the UNENJOYED. Not so. She has now been replaced with the puerile ;

LUCINDA LAMB. | understand the

idea but it won't work, it requires people to think about what is really being said (ie read between the lines), and sadly people don’t bother. Yea, verily | stand on my SOAPBOX and say: “BRING BACK THE FERRET”, or at least something with more bite (ROGER RABBIT perhaps). That way | can be spared from strangers telling me about LINDSAY PERIGO at the

VERANDA BAR AND GRILL. So what if he was hoping for a quiet dinner with a PRETTY YOUNG THING, only to have said PYT upturn the table and storm oute | don't care, that's METRO's domain, it's not for me to tell.

Perhaps I'm out of step with THE CURRENT TREND. Maybe GOSSIP is OUT and BROWN-NOSING is IN.

Looking forward to finding out who had taken my space in MONITOR all | found was a MOST PATHETIC example of LICKIBUM, about HIGH STREET. At least the poor boy had the sense not to sign his name to it. Pity he couldn’t contain himself

funher R»qnnin»g home_a sh_oyting

‘MUMMY, MUMMY look I've been

PUBLISHED!" is not the elan we expect in the GOSSIP FRATERNITY. Soon the phone lines in REMMERS were clogged as said mother proudly faxed PAGE 17 to all her friends with “MY CHUCK'S THE NEW FERRETII”

scrawled across the top. Oh the shame ofitall. i

His cover blown, the POOR BOY ran squealing from KEROUAC'S as they waved their fists, making it clear they didn’t enjoy his prose. At least he spelt their name right, dont KEROUAC'S

know it's better to be noticed rather

than ignored? And then there were - the alleged phone calls from CHRISSY R...(hey, | was bored). ' : It's further proof that HIGH STREET is getting quite peculiar of late. Who

\:«/oy_ld?\_/é fhpbght the supposed

FASHION CAPITAL of NEW

ZEALAND would have made such a fuss about doing a fashion showin a school hall OUT IN THE SUBURBS 2222 I mean really, are things that bad? I'm told a MADMAN with a GUN recently RAN AMOK firing wildly IN ALL DIRECTIONS. Luckily there were no shoppers in the vicinity so they managed to hush it up. A well meaning fan recently gave me the unkindest compliment; likening my column to Twin Peaks. “You can't understand it but you have to read it!” Thanks, but I'd rather it wasn't all over in a fortnight. C'mon, don't lie and claim you're still watching. Who can

comprehend Twin Peaks when we're used to L.A. LAW, Dynasty, and Dallas? In the U.S. Twin Peaks has gone the way of Dynasty, and Dallas is about to follow suit. Here’s hoping TVNZ pick up the final episode, a two hour FANTASY in which J.R. is shown what Dallas might have been like had he not been his baaad self.

Watching On Trial (12.30 pm on TV3) can often be quite fascinating. It shows just how television has warped our

conception of what goes on in courtrooms. It's nothing like Matlock, Jake & The Fatman and not even close to LA. Law. Witnessess are allowed to testify without being cut off by the Prosecution, (thus preventing them

from saying what they really meant). Defence Attorneys do not cross examine the accused’s best friend, to the point of said friend revealing his hitherto unknown split personalities

and confessing that he in fact strangled the mother (because she didn't laugh at his jokes). No, this is real footage of real courtcases, without any of the staged histrionics that TV drama always gives us. Occasionally it's so normal it's

boring, but edited down to 25 minutes it's a great opportunity for voyeurs to titillate ot real life transvestites,

kidnappers, conmen, murderers, and others.

| was bemused to read a letter in Saturday’s NZ Herald from some

disgruntled viewer pissed off that TV3 were playing their English soccer programme at the same time as

Television One's. The writer was typical of many kiwis. So fixed in their TVNZ viewing habits they expect TV3 to

adjust accordingly. | was therefore surprised when TV3 did just that and moved their soccer to begin when

TVNZ: finished. Mind you it may hold the viewer and stop them switching back to One World of Sport. Buying the Listener has become -

redundant of late as the channels swap and drop programmes only days ahead of screening. Designed to

confuse the “enemy” channel it’s more often than not the viewer that gets

confused. The government must also be somewhat confused at present. Their Treasury inspired plans to

financially exploit the airwaves have gone hopelessly awry. :

The government have been wanting to “privatise” Radio New Zealand for some time, the idea being to bolster the coffers by selling off the

commercial stations and sticking to the non- commercial services (paid for by your TV licence fee). Unfortunately no-one in NZ has got the money to buy them, hence the government changing the law to allow up to 100% foreign ownership of NZ radio and TV.

Who benefits from this law change? The big business entrepreneurs who sell their shares in SKY for SIOO million And that's as it should be, whenever government bureaucrats play entrepreneur they usually lose

megabucks. But hey, it's only taxpayers money, we can always cut benefits. Radio NZ bought 89FM for about $6 million. Now it's bottom of the ratings and being beaten by student radio in some time slots.

‘95 BFM downplay the result of the last radio survey, but it's no mean feat to hold (and somewhat increase) your audience as other stations lose theirs. There are now eight FM stations in

Auckland, with more to come. One could say we're over supplied butin a “free market” environment it's survival of the fittest. ; It'll be survival of the fittest in Clubland too as new clubs open. If you're into funky black music you can go to The Box, Barcelona, Threshold, The Site, DTMs, or Stiletto’s. No, that's a strip club. Anyway joining the fold is Jason and Grant's SURGE, a relocated OFF BEAT (now in the Old Custom

House), and THE BASEMENT (formerly The WAGG, formerly Whiskey A Go Go, formerly Club 21, formerly ROMA, formerly Disctek, formerly Club 21,

formerl'y Aladdin’s, Phewi). | remembe: when the only choice you had was

ZANZIBAR or QUAYS

- Not that I'm old. Hey, /started clubbing when | was only eleven years old, which is why | much prefer

FONDA RAE’ version of Touch Me". I've been complaining here at the Rip It Up office about how I've heard it all before. | guess I'm feeling jaded.

Someone told me hooded sweats and trainers are now out. Having worn them for over two decades (not the same ones, idiot!) it seems a bit silly to change now. | suppose if walking

around with a dildo up your arse is your idea of fashion I'm out.

Not sure if that statement will make it to press. Whole paragraphs were missing from last month’s column. | guess some things can't be said, some names can't be mentioned. YOU can however recieve your own

unexpurgated version of my column by sending $9.95 to this office. More exciting than the “Justify My Love’ video you'll be treated to sordid stories about my amazing sex life with a bevy of buxom babes. Stories so hot they didn’t believe me and removed them. It's all true | tell you! Not only that but you'll also learn which inner city nightclub has formed not a staff social club but a HERPES SUPPORT GROUP instead. Find out who claimed to be referring to aerobic wear when overheard saying “l don't like it up the arse,” and find out what the Editor did when asked if he had any gossip to contribute to this column. See where DAD went after the BFM / Monitor party at Celeb and why he doesn’t want you to know about it. A delayed deadline means | can tell you about the opening night at SURGE. Fuck me up the arse with a blunt stick please if wasn't the place to be. The place was jam-packed, hot, sweaty, and PUMPING. Everything a club should be. Better yet were the people present, people who really haven't been clubbing for ages, people who AREN'T STILL AT SCHOOL. (Or dating someone thatis). - If the club can keep this clientele they'll be set. If they could getthe

DOG CLUB to move in downstairs it'll

be even better. The club already has atmosphere with it's Pool Room and pinball machines. REX VISIBLE was parked at one, deftly flipping the

flippers until he manfully hit the JACKPOT. What a way to score chicks: the bell rings for a full two minutes as your bonus points are added and everyone in the room looks to see who got the new HIGH SCORE. Answers on the back of a postcard please if you can think of a funnier

nickname than SPLURGE. While you're atit tell me how STUART BROUGHTON got into the last issue of FASHION QUARTERLY not once but twice! I'm out of here. NICK D’ANGELO UI'TERS ™ GLOBAL WARMING: It's been too quiet, and here we go again with the start of a new round. "Cept this one is on such a scale it can’t fail. Yes, it's a “Dance Party” but don’t let the label put you off. Get off your arse and go out for a change! :

DUNGAREES: Once the preserve of lesbian feminists these are now de rigeur with the Hip Hop set in the US. Per- fect for the

aforementioned Dance Party — just make sure you don’t do up both straps. (If unsure check your BBD video). : |

» UPPERS

HOTMIX: Borne from a DJ subscriber service for gay clubs in the early eighties, this is now a four hour dance show made in the US and airing on 91FM in Auckland, and some other stations down country. Obviously not as hardcore as BEM’s BPM it's well worth a listen Saturday nights. YOUNG ENTREPRENEURS: Following the success of “Raid” Jason and Grant have set up their own cabaret, SERGIO’S, in Fort St. Sam and Grant have left 256 to start BASSLINE Records in O’Connell St, and Les has been doing his Tribal Armour at the Oriental Market for yonks. Who says this country’s fucked? THE PEOPLE’S RESOURCE LCENTRE: Home of the Green Dollar Exchange, the Unemployed Workers Rights Centre, and a provider of cheap medical care. Only $5 a month to join, membership is essential in order to survive the hassles brought on by these hard times.

THE RACHEL HUNTER FAN CLUB: Forget your B-Card, thisis the one if you want to be truly hip Twenty eight members and climbing ... '

HOT VINYL: ‘Celebrate’ by the 800-YAA TRIBE, featuring

George Clinton and the

Cold-In-Effect Crew: Ice Cube, Ice T and Kid Frost . . . ‘Blue’ by the STRAW PEOPLE. . . ‘Body Rhymes’ by MC O] & RHYTHM SLAVE (is commercial radio game to play it?) . . . New Jack City the SOUNDTRACK to the movie I can’t wait to see (Ice T as a cop???) ... 'Keep On Running’ by the REAL MILLI VANILLI (fat bastard he is too!) : DOWNERS DEPT OF SOCIAL WELFARE: For some odd reason people come to me for advice when having trouble with DSW. I usually just commiserate and send them off to the aforementioned Resource Centre. In my opinion the emphasis at DSW has changed from providing support to those that need it, to ensuring that people don’t rip off the welfare system. The system cannot cope with today’s unemployment levels and the Department is there to protect the system, not the people. If you want money you can wait a veeery long time.

BITERS: First the FF Editor steals my exclusive on TIFFANY (I :

thought I could trust him with that tidbit) (and she’s hosting the all new Music Channel, not MTV) then BELINDA does a rave on Nightline about Asian drivers. Next thing you know METRO will be tipping tattoo’s as hot. It's a hard Jife =%

GENEVIEVE WESTCOTT: No sooner do I get everyone watching 3 National News than they put this woman on. She’s so keen on putting words into the mouths of her interviewing subjects she might as well just put their answers up on auto cue.

NEGATIVITY: Things may be shitty but do you have to moan and bitch all the time? Leave that to people like me: the professionals, we're paid to do it! (You'll note my “Uppers” outweigh my “Downers”). Seriously, if someone wants to do something, LET THEM (instead of cutting them down before they’ve started).

This list is compiled by NICK D’ANGELO and very rarely represents the views of others, except maybe the Office Cat who shares a sandbox with Nick.