VARIA.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXIV, Issue 33, 18 December 1896, Page 29

V A RI A.

The Bishop and the Widow. — According to a contemporary an English Protestant bishop who is widely known for his sympathetic and kindly nature, having occasion recently to call upon a widow on some Church matter, and finding her deeply distressed at her loneliness, ventured, as he was quite entitled to do, to offer a few words of fatherly consolation, " You must not," he said, "be cast down by your sorrow and lonely position. Remember the maxim, ' Man proposes, but — ' " " Ah, my lord," interrupted the lady, "if man only would." It is not mentioned whether the bishop was a bachelor or not. He Couldn't Afford It. — A tall, lanky fellow, evidently from the backwoods, recently entered the office of a daily newspaper, and approaching the clerk said he wanted an " in memoriam " notice in the obituary column of the paper. ■• My father died a year ago," he explained. " and I should like a bit o' poetry in the paper about him."' '• All right." answered the clerk, " have you brought it with you .'" " No." answered the rustic. '• Can't you fix me up a bit ?" •Certainly,"' replied the clerk. "Our charge for 'in imemoriam ' notices is two dollars an inch." A look of intense amazement passed over the countryman's face. " Whew !" he whistled, as he made for the door, ■• I can't afford that — my old man was six feet high." A prearranged railway collision. — The directors of a Texas railway have devised a novel method of replacing their worn-out rolling stock. It occurred to them that a good many people would be glad of a chance of seeing what a real railway collision was like. Accordingly they advertised all over the country side that a collision would take place on their line on a certain spot at a stated hour. The idea caught on, and excursion trains brought thousands of excited spectators to the appointed place. A correspondent of the Dai! 1/ Grajriiir gives a lively description of the scene :—": — " The two opponent engines took up their places a mile apart. Their drivers opened the throttle valves and jumped off. Away they went splendidly, as if full of eagerness for the contest. Excitement grew wild as they rushed together at a rate of forty-five miles an hour, and then — 'bang!' The engines locked together in a marvellous manner, reared up. and fell on their sides, tearing at each other in full motion still like infuriated demons. The box cars mounted on them in a heap of ruins, and then both the boilers burst simultaneously beneath ; the whistles blew a last demoniac blast, and all at once, over the country and in the midst of the crowd, came flying splinters of wood, iron bolts, masses of boiler plate, cowcatchers, bells, smokestacks, chains, head lights, glass, iron, and everything imaginable, all discharged like grape shot and shell I Much went straight up into the air, and it simply rained boiling water, beams, wheels, springs, coupling irons, piston rods and rivets. There was no compromise about it. and in an instant the delighted crowd became a mass of panic-stricken fugitives. It was a trifle too realistic, even for a Texan crowd, and in the language of the country they % just quit.' " The old rolling stock thus dramatically destroyed has in this Avny provided funds for a new outfit for the line.