Our Funny Page

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLV, Issue 13, 28 September 1910, Page 76

Our Funny Page

THE TYBAXXY OF THE MviKr. Pathetic represen ia I ion of a modern knight errant in his effort not to exceed the “speed limit" imposed by the fashionable skirt of his escort.

e\ es, maij: axd female. Aliss A H-liivk: "So you have been married a year. Has y<»ur husband found out about your dyed hair, false teeth or glass eye yet?” Air- Mediate: ‘Ao. indeed: he's been too busy concealing the ©ame defects in himself." < IB ELI Y ’r<» ANIMALS Air-. ‘‘ 1 do love < rayli-h. but I Hover ha\c them at home, bouau-u it tet'm- so inhuman to kill them by putting tht in into a kettle of boiling water.” Airs. I>.: “Gracious! I never kill them that way. Il would too horrible. I always put them on in <<»ld water, an 1 let t hem come to a boil.” WHY >IIE Ml I T. "Young lhi-1 ind (helping himself a f •■ ■Miid time,; " I’erlha. where did you learn to - ramble egg- like thi-?” Young Wife: “ ( i. George, that'- a shrimp B.dad.” A lil-lI.Ed. Charitable Per-oii: ‘1 thought you V ere blin I." Beggar: "Well. t ap. t.im- i- so hard just now ami competition i- -<» keen that t'veii a blind man ba to keep hi- eyes open nowndav- if he want- to do anything al all." (' \I’G’AT. “All gambling mu-’ l» • siopp,-| within the juri-diction of this ( oiirt,” thundered the American judge. "Bet you a fiver it can't be done,” said the attorney. ”Put up your money,” said the judge, reaching for hie pocket.

ANYTHING BUT THAT.

Landlady of Country Cottage: “I*m sure I’ll do all I can to make you feel at home.” Mr. Henpeck (on holiday): “Well, I—l —d—don’t exactly want that. I’d just like to be comfortable.”

QUALIFIED.

I.ast winter a certain vicar was invited to a big dinner at the house of one of the leading men in the town. At dinner lie was placed opposite a goose. The lady of the house was placed on the vicar’s left. Seeing the goose, he re. marked: “ Shall I sit so close to the goose?” Finding his words a bit equivocal, he turned round to the lady anj said, in a most inoffensive tone: “Excuse me, my lady; I meant tha roast one.”

MODERN VERSION. The man she left behind her.

BRINGING THE OFFER UP TO DATE. Knieker: I would go through fire and water for you. Stella: Air, too?

CHANCE FOR CHOICE. “Yes sir, 1 shot the leopard on tha spot.” “Which one?”