Wise and Otherwise

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XLI, Issue 12, 16 September 1908, Page 51

Wise and Otherwise

By

"OLD SALT”

The truth fs very frequently bitter, but few people will be found to contradict the truth or to deny the bitterness in that wise saying of Rochefoucauld’s — “ There is something not altogether displeasing to us in the misfortunes of our friends.” To read that the celebrations in honour of the visiting fleet were marred in Sydney and Melbourne by unpropitious weather, is not exactly cheering—they had plenty of that, no doubt; but it is pleasant to reflect how well Jupiter Pluvius behaved towards us upon that memorable occasion, and to contemplate the stories that the “ Jaekies” will tell about our glorious climate. In some parte of Australia, Our visit was a failure; In fact, we felt at times inclined to "chuck’’ It. For while the Fleet remained, It rained and.rained and rained, As if the weather clerk had used a bucket. But for bloomin’ milk and honey, And a land that’s always sunny, The best we ever struck or ever "bln ter.” Is New Zealand’s pride aud Queen, And Auckland’s what we mean. You’d onghter see her climate in midwinter! “Somewhat, summary!” some were saying,. . When the "ewatties” started playing, And head and truncheon chanced to come together. But the fellows who got biffed, Declared it a “bit swift,” But "summery” wasn't in It with the weather! L . . ... A . . , © S 3 ® What an extremely hardy customer the Queensland fruit-fly must be! . Ou. the authority of no less’a personage than the Minister for Agriculture it is stated that this menace to horticulturists has been bred upon a window-sill of the Customshouse in Wellington—possibly because the parents’ were not strong., enough to beat to windward in that eity of gentle zephyrs; From .what-the writer, remembers of that charming climate, not only would the fly have flown, but the fruit would have been in jeopardy, unless, perhaps, it belonged to the giant pumpkin variety. © © © Some of our ecclesiastical dignitaries have shown a certain amount of feeling in regard to cabled news and press associations; but surely there is something peculiar about the peroration to the sermon preached in London by the worthy Bishop of Melanesia—- “ There are still men and women in these islands who practise cannibalism, and kill little children with poisoned arrows, and these people are holding out both hands to us for help.” While their hands- are so innocently’ occupied, I would suggest that when folks of such singular idiosyncrasies want help, it is a pretty safe thing to let ’em want!

I think tßf* story has been told in this column of a one-time shipmate who, from the faintest blur of smoke upon the horizon, and with the assistance only of two horny palms by way of telescope, could give with decision — the accuracy could not be established—the nationality, destination and line to which belonged the far-distant steamship. Ancient mariners, it seems, arc improving with age, andl it is to be hoped that masters, mates, greasers, and pig-iron polishers (quarterdeck and fiddley never are more to each other than commonly polite!) wrll take warning that when an albatross commits suicide by colliding with the smoke-stack, it spells in the near future a damaged propeller or fractured tail-shaft; for the ship, of course, not the -bird. That steward of the Hawea, by the way, was easily satisfied in making a pipe-stem from the wing—the bird’s, not the ship’s. A quill cigarette holder from its-tail shaft:-, .mt the ship’s, the bird’s, would have i 1 neat in the way of reprisal. © © © In a correspondence which is taking place as to the establishment in large centres of accommodation houses for Maoris, a writer in a contemporary seeks to correct one who, from his pen-name, may, like me, have — —"Eyes, grown weary. With gazing, on the polar star.” So, a brother salt to"the rescue! To quote from the letter referred to — “ ‘The man at the Wheel ’ has apparently got far out to sea. and has lost his hearings." A not unusual thing as regards landmarks, and as regards astronomieaL bearings, "The Star” seems a very appropriate vehicle for an explanation and a brief dissertation upon the discipline which obtains outside of the narrow channels of controversy. The man flit wheel. niu<st always feel The might of the. captain’s force; If ho nod o v blink, or stop to think, He steers as a matter of “course.” He daren’t play jokes, he twirls the spokes, To a'.chorus of prompt “Aye! Aye’s!” If the course he wrong, he makes no song. The skipper’s the man who pays. So, whether he go to the “down below,” Or whether he reach the port. Wherever he lands, “he’s one of the hands,” Who has learned the lesson taught. With the compass-card, his watch and ward, And an ear for the captain's call; He peers through the brine at the “lubber’s line”; His duty — “Obey!” that’s all. © © © In this connection it might be asked, that accepting the axioms that it takes nine tailors to make a man, and that a quartermaster usually takes the wheel, how many men at the wheel would it require to make a ship master —do as he didn't want to?