THE WRONG BOY.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VI, Issue 24, 14 June 1890, Page 20

THE WRONG BOY.

A village schoolmaster was told by the parson that he intended to bring a friend next morning to hear the boys put through their paces in religious teaching. They had not received much instruction of that kind ; but it was necessary to do something. Accordingly he called his little greysmocked ‘ first-class ’ before him, arranged the members in a certain order, grafted into each blossoming yokel the particular question he intended to put him in the morning, and likewise added the correct answer. After priming

the young hopefuls over and over again with' their respective answers, he ventured to dismiss them. Next mornino, while the visitors were being awaited, boy No. 2 was told to carry out two stone inkbottles into the back porch, and ordered to clean off the great streaks cf ink and the jiatches of matted dust. Shortly afterwards the two visitors walked in. The master, quite forgetting that one of his first-class boys was absent in the back yard, commenced to put his questions to the class in the particular order which he had arranged and promised. Pointing to one boy, he asked : ‘ What is that part of you, my lad, which can never die ?’ ‘Mr soul, sir,’ smartly replied the rustic, with an air of confidence and decision which was really quite admirable and surprising in one so voung. The visitors nodded their approval, and the dominie continued his interrogations, ‘ Now you, my boy,’ he said, pointing to the third boy in the back row, * tell us who made vou ?’ Now, the lad thus addressed occupied the very position which had been vacated by the industrious pupil out in the porcli. Accordingly, this was not his proper question : and, remembering the master's positive instructions that he was only to give a certain answer to a certain question, he bravely remained dumb and quiescent. ‘ Will you be quick and tell me, sir ?' the master cried out angrilv, never dreaming, of course, that any hitch had occurred. No -. the lad never opened his lips or twitched a muscle. Possibly he thought the master was ‘ trying it on ’ with him. * Come, my dear child,' the visitor ventured to interject, seeing the painful chagrin of the dominie, ‘you should try and give your master some sort of an answer. Surely you know that it was God who made you ?’ • No, sir, it wasna me I’ the lad at last burst forth. • I'm sure it wasna, sir I The boy as God made is outside washin't' inkjots ’’

He's Been a Poacher.

Mr Justice Williams was a capital shot, and whilst enjoying- the s|>»rt upon some gentleman * preserves, and knocking over the birds right and left, the gamekee[>er whispered confidential! v to his comrade, ‘ They tell me this ’ere gent is a judge, I'll take my sam he’s been a poacher.’

One for his NobLandlord of an hotel in a mountainous district : ‘ Can you tell me, Herr Professor, now people manage to ascertain how high they are above the sea-level when travelling in the mountains ?’ Professor : ‘Bv the height of the hotel bills.’ Very Cool. A couple of burglars were trying to effect their entrance into a house. The master of the establishment heard them, and, opening the window, he courteously observed, ‘ You hail better come again after a while, gentlemen, as we have not all gone to bed yet. ’

Sour Grapes. Miss Walnut : ‘ Oh ! Claire, George and I are to be married next month. All the arrangements have been completed and ’ Miss Chestnut (who has had designs on George herself) —‘ I am glad, dear, and I do so wish that you will be happy. How good of George to say “yes," wasn't it?’ A Shrewd Fephew. ‘Yes, certainly,’ said a young man to an old baclrelor uncle who was about to marry ; •settle as much on your wife as vou can, for her second husband, poor fellow, may not have a penny.’ The marriage didn't come off, and the young man became heir to his uncle's estate.