Marrying for Money

Ladies' Mirror, Volume V, Issue 6, 1 December 1926, Page 80

Marrying for Money

Of all people in the world it has been left to an American to deliver one of the most trenchant judgments ever passed upon the great god Mammon and his works. "Money often costs too much," said Emerson; he realised that pounds, shillings and pence are not the on'.y currency in human use, and that when we go to buy a gramophone record or a packet of candles we part with something more vital than a mere metal disc in exchange tor our purchases. Men, for the most part, see the force of this argument more clearly than women, because they spend their lives in the atmosphere of the market and have their moral noses rubbed all day long in the fact that money is only a token of work satisfactorily done, and that no one gives or gets it for nothing. Observe the express on upon the face of any noble male handing out the week's housekeeping allowance! He is parting with his heart s blood, and knows it, and is not quite sure at the moment whether he does not repent his bargain. The bundle ot pound notes he gives his wile have been bought in their turn by his leisure hs health very likely, and many of his personal inclinations, lhey represent long hours at the office desk- uncomfortable quarters-of anhour' standing on or under other people's toes in the tram; dreadful moments when h.s employer has a look ol dismissal in his eye, or when the banic looks coldiy on Ins cheque ana reiers him to drawer. In exchange he gets what he calculated to get: a home, a wife, children, a wireless set and a canary in the wmdow, or value in kind. These are the real elements of life's system of barter; money is, after all, merely the voucher of the deal, having as much value in itself as the paper upon which we write our cheques.

Women mostly pay for their bessings in currency of a rather different character, they draw large bills upon their health, their nerves, their pecce of mind. The typical housewife buys her Sunday jo.nt with a sigh, her new hat with much misgiving; her doctor's bills are paid with sleepless nights and a wrinkle or two. Unused to reckoning such intangible accounts, however, we are still apt to hug to our innocent souls that age-old, delicious fantasythe fantasy of something for nothing. It is well known that the feminine temperament cannot resist this allurement. The most disillusioned among us will still pause at the remnant counter; and there are few womanly spirits whom it consistently strikes as ridiculous to spend time and bus fares upon reaching a cheaper shopping centre. But in no part of fate's market do women so pers.stently and light-heartedly expect to get the best of the bargain as in the market of husbands. The rich young man is indubitably the ideal of Eve; though she may. as a matter of fact, end by marrying the dustman. Miss Brown, who has landed the wealthy Mr. Jones, is a figure of distinctly heightened romance. A subtle tone of respect mingles discreetly with the congratulations which shower upon her. Miss

Jones has done well for herself, and everybody may sincerely applaud. Over Miss Green, who is affianced to

love and a cottage, we are inclined to shake our heads. Romantic, but

Pi.tulyn Hoesell

"Romances paint at full length

lovers' wooings

But only give a bust of marriages."

Hence the ultimate fate of the fortunate Miss Brown is apt to slip our attention; we saw her at the wedding through rose-coloured spectacles and do not like her_so well in the plain light of a later day. The important question is, however: What does Miss Brown feel about her bargain at that later day? Going upon the sound principle of nothing for nothing, we may safely conclude that she is now engaged in completing the purchase. Marrying for money is to ingenuous woman something hke buying on the instalment system—the goods come first, the payments after (and it must be admitted that the payments often appear to last longer than the goods).

now and —more and -*— more often since the war, which made and unmade fortunes in such sweeping fashion—one comes across women with husbands and families in tow, who have, as they gently term it, "suffered a reverse." They appear extremely pathetic, especially in their own eyes, which see more clearly than those of outsiders the contrast between former splendours and the unaccustomed poverty to which they have been brought. Their attitude to life is a weary one, for they always carry about wilh them the feeling of having been cheated by fate; and it is significant that nearly all of them visit iheir indignation against fate upon the heads of their unfortunate husbands. Such women are somewhat in the position cf the little girl who saved up to buy the coloured vase in the chemist's window, and found subsequently that it was only glass filled with water. Their spouse is not what they took him for: that is a human bank, in their eagerness to obtain which they perhaps overlooked his lack of other qualities attractive in a life partner. They have exchanged themselves for a pig in a poke; small wonder that they bear a certain grudge against the pig!

' I v hese are, 1 venture to suggest, ■*- some of the Miss Browns of life, learning, at a time of life when learning comes hard, the paradoxical lesson that money often costs too much. They are greatly to be pitied, not, perhaps, for the reasons for which they usually pity themselves. Financial poverty is a hag who has awkward features, but who can be made serene, even charming, by a mere touch here and there. But spiritual poverty is a spectre, and poverty in love is the death's head itself. It is to this kind of indigence that the wealthy marriage has a nasty habit of condemning women. It is said that money never brings happiness, which 1 beg to believe is a gross libel upon Providence. Money niaketh glad the heart of man: of women no less : it is the most delightful adornment of romance I know. But money so often has to be paid for with one's conception of the true values of life. In the question of marriage, for instance, either love is the prime motive, or material con-

venience: some attraction must always come first on the list, whatever others may follow. Thus, if it is your bridegroom’s material means which dazzle your eyes, you must necessarily be a little blinded to his other aspects. A bright, golden veil will be always between you and your choice. So long as you do not grow tired of looking at the veil instead of at the man, or it is not torn away by cruel circumstance, all is well. Life's actions and reactions being what they are, though, it is quite probable that one or other of these events may come to pass. We all know how violent and persistent are the fluctuations of the money market; almost as violent as the fluctuations of the human fancy. We know that what makes millions at one time will not make a brass farthing at another, and that what appears desirable to Miss Brown at twenty may not seem so to Mrs. Jones at forty. The golden veil having thus been rent, or ceased to please, the next object of existence upon which the eye must fall is the man behind the veil. What of him in his nakedness? Will he prove equally attractive, or a symbol of remorse? Will he represent the unpaid bill of the marriage made dc convenances There ..re merciful exceptions to every rule, and to suggest that there be pinned upon the breast of every marriageable man the legend: “Is he rich? then trust him not’’ is the last desire of the writer of this article. But it must be taken into account, not only that money has been made by the wrong sorts of people lately (owing to the sad fact that the wrong sorts of goods have proved most acceptable to the public), but that the money-making temperament is necessarily forged among a very low collection of ideals, of which the paramount one is that of getting the most out of other people for the least one can give in return. / I 'he woman marrying a prosperous man of to-day may be quite sure that he has in order to keep his position, to compete upon their own grounds with scoundrels and swindlers stirred up in vast numbers by the war and the awful life-strug-gle which it has imposed upon human kind. In the heat and fury of a battle one is not particular about whose face one steps upon : one becomes callous, distinctly in the frame of mind to give as good as one gets, and these qualities, engendered in prosperous man by his eternal financial tussle, arc not so easy to confine to office routine as wives may hope. After a time they stick; they become part of character and thus react upon the partner at home. From seeing all the world as your enemy it is not a long way to seeing your wife in the same light. In a sense she is responsible for it all. To win and support her this difficult and wearisome business of

swindling the swindlers has to be carried on. The husband suddenly perce.ves that his wife is getting something out of him for nothing, 'there she sits, snug at home, spending the money in pursuit of which his grey hairs are going down with sorrow, etc. Now observe his sound business instincts thoroughly roused ! He is being cheated. Somebody .s getting something for nothing; a monstrosity. He rushes home, storms, contradicts her flatly at the dinnertable, or takes another lady out to supper, according to his taste in revenges. The first instalment of the bill for Croesus is due. f I 'his brings us to another aspect *•’ of the question, not perhaps seriously considered by women for the reasons respectfully hinted at in the beginning of the article. Since whatever we have in this world we nuint earn some way or another, the woman who marries for money must be prepared to do all that “to marry” used to imply in the days when all women with a few exceptions, were financially dependent upon their husbands—or else to pay for her keep in some other manner, possibly not so pleasant withal. In a more primitive state of civilisation the woman really did contribute her fair share in the task of sustenance, to set against that of her mate. But now she has few or no children, the work of the house is done for her by servants —whom her husband pays —or by labour-saving devices which he buys. It is only in human nature that her spouse should take it out of her in some fashion or other. I know a woman who earns her luxurious life in the sweat of her brow by putting up with her husband’s violent tempers. This is not the most dignified form of labour for one's bread which can be imagined. She chose it with her eyes shut, and now she rightly rebels against it. The law, unfortunately, has not much sympathy for those who buy with their eyes shut, and makes it difficult for them to exchange their bad bargains. There are, of course, husbands of angelic temperament who ask nothing in return for the material comforts they supply. In these cases, be sure, the wives take out their obligations in demands upon themselves. They pay in currency of ill-health, ennui, hysteria in one form or another. Rich, leisured wives are full of these ailments. I am afraid that my advice to a great many of them would be to give up the obligatory money which means so little —or so much of misery endured, and find some means of earning what they require by the fruit of their own labours. Work is more healthy than suffering other people's megrims with a beautiful patience, your mind meanwhile clinging for consolation to a large bank balance. r I A his is not an article in heated support of the love-in-a-cottage theory against ail others. It takes all

kinds of temperaments to make a world, and it is plain that what appears a bargain in the marriage showroom to one woman would not content another. But I do think that those contemplating marriage might usefully put to themselves beforehand this plain question : "How do I wish to pay and how to be paid?" Even in commerce so much choice is given each one of us. We can buy what we like; we can pay for what we buy as we like, in labour or exchange, or in coin of the realm ; with the handy cheque if we care to meet the cost of running a bank balance, or by cash if we prefer to keep our money in a stocking. The same right of choice obtains in the deeper issues of life. The bride can put upon herself what price she likes, and she can take it out in material or moral values. She can purchase an expensive husband or a cheap one, carefully remembering, however, that the best is always the most expensive. By this I mean that it costs the most. What this price is, each individual one of us alone must decide; nobody knows but ourselves how much we can afford to spend. The most sensible thoughts of salaries for wives, co-wage-earning, and other such signs of hard times for human kind, could not shake the conviction of the writer that the spirit of child-giving, our heritage from a rude past when dear life was the important thing, is still the loveliest which animates the woman looking to be wed, and the happiest. Children square the complicated marriage account in the most simple fashion of all, because they are in themselves so much a part of tinparents’ recompense. The husband and wife whose great aim is to pro-

duce beautiful types of children, do not squabble over the money or the labour which they expend in doing it, any more than co-producers of a great work of art should conceivably grudge their materials or their hours of toil. In the money-marriage the question -*• of children may or may not be left out, but it inevitably comes second. Riches make many things which it is good to have and experience, but they cannot make life. In the supreme choice of such a mating something living is finally exchanged for something dead. It is this which makes one tremble a little for women who base their choice upon strictly material values. In a world where the population is already most inconveniently large, it would be absurd to suggest that the entire aim of marriage should be to reproduce the race, but to produce a still higher and more beautiful type of the race is a different issue; this is progressive and it demands a concentration of the parents upon spiritual values and upon the very best that is to be found in each other. Women have the ultimate right of choice in marriage, which means the ultimate decision in the fate of to-morrow's generation. It is permissible to express a hope that a commercialised and thereby somewhat brutalised world has not entirely frightened away their faith in the triumph of humanity over its false gods: that, brought face up with this vital question of whom we shall marry, we still “have our lesson; ■understand he worth of flesh and blond at last.’'' --Olive Mary Salter, in Good Housekeeping.