WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 116, Issue 19457, 22 December 1934, Page 14 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

QUITE ALL RIGHT. Mother (to son smoking cigar): Harold, what on earths . Harold: That’s all right, mother; fattier is playing with my train. LONG TIME HAD PASSED. Ticket Collector: Come, sir, that boy is not under twelve. Passenger foil slow train): He was when lie got on here. THE NATURAL RESULT. Mislress (explaining run I inn to new cook): Now, my husband always goes In his eliili on Wednesday evenings. Cook: I understand, ma’am. So lie won't want no breakfast on Thursdays.

TIME FOR TATTOOING. An army ofllcer was showing -his fair guest round the barracks. Presently a bugle sounded. “What's that for?" asked the lady. “That’s the tattoo,” he replied. “ Oh, 1 sec,” she replied. "I’ve often seen it on soldiers' arms, but I didn’t know they had a special lime for it." FRIENDS ON THE JURY. An old Irishwoman was in Ihe dock. “Have you a barrister to defend you?” asked the judge. “No, your Honour,” replied the old lady. ••|Jo you mean to say you have no lawyer in help you?” “No. your Honour.” “Well, haven’t you any friends to help you?” “Well, your Honour,” came the reply, “I have a few friends on the Jury.”

GENEROSITY. t,ho train drew out of the-station a passenger threw a banana skin out of the. window. “Hi, sir,” shouted Hie guard, “the company won't have thi- s , you know.” “Well, divide it amongst the porters,” was I lie reply. QUESTIONING FATHER. It wasn’t the lliought, of asking the girl that' caused iiis courage to drop. li wasn’t popping llie question, but the task of questioning pop.

SHE DID NOT LOSE. He: So I suppose you loved and lost ? She: Oh, no. I was awarded £SOO damages. INTELLIGENT DOG. “Yes, my dog’s so intelligent that when I forget io feed him he brings me a forget-me-not out of the garden.”