WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 108, Issue 18159, 25 October 1930, Page 14 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

IT WOULD

Scotsman (at a footbaH match for the first time, to a relathe). What’s that man doing? Relative: Oh, he’s the goa}*®JP®£ he stops the ball from going into the net * ~ - uo « Pojd for it i Relative: Yes, about seven pounds : Well, wouldn’t it be cheaper to board it up?

WHAT PASSED BETWEEN THEM

Magistrate: Describe what passed between you in the quarrel with } The plates were the usual dinner size, your Worship, and <. teapot had a broken spout!

WELL WATCHED

“My 'Wife looks well after me. I assure you that she takes off my boots for me in the evening. . 0 “What! When you come home from the club?” "No, when 1 want to go thee...

TWO PERIODS

He - There are two periods in a man s life when ho never understands a woman. „ She: Indeed! And when are they, lie: Before and after marriage.

HE DIDN’T MIND

•Vi'’*hep: You’re a very naughty boy, Johnnie; I’ll send you to bed whoou any s: ppe . ' .lohnnie: Ail riirhi. mammy: bu! what about my medicine 1 havr to toL-o aft at msa s'i

THE PROBLEM

Mistress: I don’t like to be continually complaining, Mary, but I wish you vLld remember that when he master leaves his boots outside Uk bedroom door he wishes them C ‘ e >laid ”“Vcry .veil, mum. But what does ,he want done when he leaves them outside the front door?

UNCOMPLIMENTARY

“Yes,” said the young singer comn’acentlv, "1 bad a great reception after my song last night. The audience shouted: ‘Fine! Fine! „ “Good thing you didn t sing again, said the cynic. “Whv, what do you mean. “They would have yelled Imprisohment!’ ’’

A PETITION!

Little Tommy at prayers, after having been corrected by his father: - “Ahd please don’t let Daddy have any more children. He don’t know how to treat the one he’s got.

THE REASON

Many a man spends his spare ...nos digging, hoeing, weeding, mowing, and rolling. „ , Because his wife is fond of gardening.

HIS ASSET.

.: '-e<’ M • • ““cl of yourself? You’ve been learning for :id \ Jsti-ly coins * u*j to ten. What Will you do in lire if y»u go on like tiiat.? M’uii con: Lie a re.eree at boxing malohes.

CARUSO II

t ndger- What a frightful ’noise your JtTe u rnklng about the house YesW, he’s a perfect nuisance lately. Ever since he ale the canary he thinks he can singl

SPEAKING OF ANGELS

“It is extraordinary that Mrs -Tenks can never see any faults ! n her child- " “ *S rd s uTiS-i- ---!‘ k i r,u‘.„" , “iohiTdrSTtoacu-i I ihev had any.”

WRONG NAME

Traffic Policeman: What’s your "Toiy Driver: It’s on the side of me ''"policeman (trying to read name); It’s obliterated. . Driver: Ye’re a liar, its 0 Brien.

AN ALIBI

. The prisoner was on trial on a charge of burglary. He protested his innocence and pleaded an alibk “Do you know what an alibi is?" asked the judge. “Yes, m’lord," replied the prisoner. “An alibi is proving that you were in one place when you were in another *

lIEB PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE

Jane was being questioned by a possible new miftlr* ss. , “If a steak fe 1 on the door, and Ihe oat got at it, what wc u’cl you do with

Jane (cautiously): “Please, mum, is Ibis a hoarding-'cusc ?’’ “No.”

Then I should not cook it, mum.’Y