Jim's Philosophy.

Western Star, Issue 2220, 8 July 1898, Page 4

Jim's Philosophy.

When the sun was blazin' and blisterin' down He'd cross his legs an' say : "Here's what I hold : If the weather was cold We wouldn't be makin' hay."

When it rained three weeks, with never a stop, An' folic for the sun went wishln', Then Jim 'ud smile, " Well, arter a while,. That'll be powerful lots o' fishin' !"

When the engine jumped, an' the train was ditched. An' the folk by the wreck surrounded. He says, says he : "If we'd been at sea We all fin u.s might 'a been drownded!" An' when they Hold him he couldn't live, An' he'd die some lime or other, Jim says, says he : " Well, I'm glad it's me, Fer it might er been Molly or mother." —"Cassell's Saturday Journal." Not a Success. A certain family were in extreme want of a footman, and eventually a young countryman was selected out of a number of applicants. He was a most friendly person, as willing as he was free and easy ; but he knew nothing of life except that of a small farmhouse. one evening there was a large party at the house. His mistress strove to impress uoon him that all lie had to do was to carry the cream and sugar round for the tea, to see that every one had some, and to hold his tongue. H£ did his part gallantly, and made the circuit of the room ; but, on reaching the door, a doubt struck him whether he had supplied a group of guests at the further end. , . Quite forgetting all orders, he raised himself on his toe.s, and shouted over the heads ..f the others : " 1 say, how are ye off for sweet'nin' in that 'there corner ?"

Tliat Festive Cuss. j Artemus Ward, when in London, gave 1 a children's party. One of John Brig-fit's sons was invited, and returned home radiant. " Oh, papa !" he explained on being asked whether he had enjoyed himself, " indeed I did. And Mr. Browne gave me such a nice name for you, papa." " What, was that '!" " Why, he asked me how that gay and ' festive cuss, Joe governor, was !"