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Western Star, Issue 1077, 30 October 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Scientific Pabming.— A noble lord, in conversation with his gardener one day, said, “ George, the time will soon come when a man will be able to carry the manure for an acre of land in one of his waistcoat pockets." To whioh the gardener replied, “ I believe it, sir; but he will be able to carry all the crop in the other pocket." > Hints to the Maeinbs.— lt must not be thought that mariners know nothing of wine because they are willing to accept “ any port in a’storm." There is no hair to be found bn the mast-head; the mast is one of the bare polls which the ship scuds under m a storm. The bight of of a rope you may.find, to your sorrow, has a smart taste, if you take it that it means a mouthful. Don’t ask the first mate why he has the sails "set’’ and the rigging “ standing.” It also would be imprudent to inquire the time of day by the larboard watch. The boatswain’s pipe will not, be lent to you to smoke. It is not necessary that you learn the art of self-defence in order to “ box” the compass. It may be right to infer, -when the wind has changed "two pints to the east’ard,” that it is in a |iew quart-er. Don’t imagine that you can steer a boat because you have been a tiller of the soil. You need not be afraid of getting shot because it is " blowing great guns." The cook does not kindle his fire with chips from the ship’s log. The best way to learn what sea life is, is to go to sea for yourself; be a son of the sea for a season. “ Take it Out as you Did Bkfobe.”—A certain quasi-commercial "gent,” travelling in the North of England, stopped at a commercial hotel. Ho ordered dinner, and enjoyed himself after the usual ( fashion of the craft —the " pint of port" not being omitted. When ho was about to depart, he called up mine host, and gravely informed him that he was very sorry he had no money to pay the bill, but that, if allowed to leave in peace, he would one day return and " square up.” The landlord had been, victimised in this way before, and so was irate. He said he would "take it out of his customer by kicking him down the steps of the hotel, and ho did so. Some time afterwards, to ‘the landlord’s intense astonishment, the commercial” reappeared. He was polite and forgiving; ho boro no malice, he said, and he should, bo glad if " mine host" would favour him on this improved , occasion with his company at dinner. The victualler was taken aback; he felt that bn the previous occasion he had been harsh and had misjudged his customer, and with profuse apologies he consented to dine with the man he had before ejected from the house. The “commercial’’ ordered a capital dinner, a bottle or two of the best wine in the cellar, and it was altogether a remarkably pleasant party of two. Politics were discussed, trade was ventilated, and all went on merrily till the good things were exhausted. Then the diuuer-giver arose, and iu the coolest manner possible addressed the landlord as follows“ 1 have very much enjoyed this entertainment; but, as to the bill, I am afraid you will have to take that out as you did before I” A poor but honest Teuton unwittingly created no little excitement and alarm in a New Xork tramway oar not long ago The correspondent of a .boston journal how this occurred. He writes:—"One of our railroads runs by the County Buildings, The other day the conductor was collecting fares from a crowded load. A foreign person poorly dressed, handed up his money. In answer to the question, ‘ Do you go through? which moans, Do you go beyond the city line ? —he said, 4 1 have got de small pox doo! «Dave you got the small pox P’ asked the astonished conductor. 4 Yes, I have got de small box doo.’ The passengers rose to their feet;, women screamed, and ttie excitement was intense. 4 (Jome, get out of this oar; you can’t ride here!' said the olliuiul. The unfortunate German made for the front plat form. He was hustled out of the car, and nearly pitched headlong on to the pavement. Ha recovered himself, and started for the front of the car. The driver took the carhook and threatened to ‘ brain’ him if he gut on. The poor fellow kept up with ihe corses, shouting, 1 ’ Pfi go 5 give me my small pox! pointing to a small two-foot-square chest standing on end behind the driver. The mystery was explained. The honest German wanted to pay for his small box on the car as well as his own fare. The conductor apologised, aud a seat was offered to the man. But he had had enough of that company. He refused all invitations to ride, shouldered his ‘ small pox,’ aud trudged away on foot.