ALLEGED WIT.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume LXVI, Issue 11883, 20 January 1914, Page 6

ALLEGED WIT.

'•'Tis only a goat," murmured the man, as he strode into tin- strange farm. "'Tis butt a man," rotorto<l the goat, as ho went at it in a businesslike way. * * » * '•Pa. why were you rude to Mr Lingering last night.' It may have been a trifle late when you met him going out, hut you nt'i'ilii't have insulted hi in.'' "How did 1 insult him? I merely asked him if lie wouldn't stay for breakfast.'' * * » * Some schoolteachers are notoriously underpaid. One such went to get her month's .salary, ami was handed a £5 note, which was auythiug but clean. "Sorry the note is dirty," said the payer, "but I don't suppose you're afraid of microbes being on it." "No, indeed," said tlie girl, cheerfully, ".for no microbe could live on my .salary.'' * * # « A painter of the •■impressionist" school is now confined in :i lunatic asylum. To all persons who visit his studio lie says, "Look here, this is the latest masterpiece of my composition."

They look, and see nothing but an expanse of bare canvas. They ask, "What does that represent'?" "That. 1 Why, that represents the passage of the .lews through the lied Sea." "Beg pardon, but where is the sea f " "ft has been driven back." "And where are the Jews."' "They have crossed over." "And" tho Egyptians?" "Will be here directly. That's the sort of painting I like—simple, suggestive and unpretentious." * * » » Scientist: "So you have followed the sea all your life! 1 presume you art; a thorough meteorological prognostic a tor by this time 1 ?" Jack Tarre: "A which.'" "A —1. mean you can easily foretell a gale, can 't you 7 '' "Easy 'nough, sir. When you *cc tho captain dancing' around an 1 yellin ' out forty orders at once, you kin jest make up y'r mind tliet it's goin' ter blow." * * * * During a lecture a well-known authority on economics mentioned tlie fact that in (mo country the number of men was larger than that of women, and he added, humorously:— "I can therefore recommend the ladies to emigrate to that part of the world.'' A young lady seated in one of the front rows got up in great indignation, and was leaving the room rather noisily, whoroupon the lecturer remarked: — "1 did not mean that it need be done in such a. hurry as that."