BRIEF MENTION.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume XVII, Issue 173, 11 February 1915, Page 4

BRIEF MENTION.

INTELLIGENCE i&p HUMOUE. * „ , s ' . r jl ,

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. A total of £3,859,000 had been reached by the national relief fund by, December'l2.-

Ho: lam very much opposed to the tipping - habit. , She: Yes, I have noticed you do',not" even-tip your hat. ‘ . - ’ ‘Tipperary/ immortalised by the British ,has sold to the'tune of nothing less than 2,000,000 copies s'ince August. That is the figure given by the London Daily Telegraph.

Patient: I wish’ to consult you with regard to my utter loss of memory. Doctor: Ah! yesl ,Why—coin cases of this nature 1 always inquire my fee in advance.

At the forthcoming Labour League Congress in Sydney 14 unions will table resolutions in favour of the legislation of the totalizator.

Half-crown subscriptions to provide oilskins for the men of H.M.S. Now Zealand have reached £370.

Burton: Moan man, isn’t ho? Hobinson: Moanl He’s capable of going into a barber’s shop for a shave and then getting his hair cut id 8 ! 1 to keep other people -waiting.

The Queen’s Drive Boating Club, Port Chalmers, have supplied altogether about i2O recruits, and the latest batch of oarsmen includes the captain of the club. ' Only one crew remains to the chib;

She: [What is the highest position in the Army, papa? He: Cony mander-inOhief. She: No, it is not. t He: Then what? She:: The fihief .of th'9 Boyal Flying Corps.

Professor Iddings, geologist and author, is visiting New Zealand. He is a Yale man, who did important work in the United States Geological Survey Department from 1880 to 1892.

It is said that women arc not permitted to bo photographed in China.

During the war the New Zealand Government has sent away 4000 (honsos on ships that were not. L-fpec-' iaily fitted to , carry them, but the losses by death have been under two ♦ per cent. •: 1

"What’s this? Bed-ten shillings? Why, I slept on the-..billiard table!” "Yes, sir, that’s <luite right, sir. We always charge a .shilling an hour for the billiard table.’’

1 Eighty, fine youths entrained at Dunedin on Tuesday for the front They had ah inspiriting farewell.

It "was in a bus in Chelsea, and the speaker was a Grenadier Guardsman, who surveyed us all soliloquently and with—shall I say?—a soberly triumphant eye. Then" he spoke slowly and with an air of decision: “It’s a difficult language, hut—l’ve learnt it. ‘Bon soir, '-mademoiselle.' ''

She: Eeally, I don’t feel’like walking. (My feet have bothered me a good deal lately. He: 'You must be exceedingly nervous., She: Nervous? He: Yes, otherwise you wouldn’t let such little things bother you. ■ ‘i’

Mr George Angus Hall, a greengrocer, of Balmain, Sydney, was presented by his wife with triplets the other day—ail boys, strong ana healthy-looking. Hall had. three daughters, ana was hoping-for a son, but his cup of joy overflowed to an extent not fully appreciated by him.

The Hillside branch of the Amalgamated Society of Ball way Servants carried a resolution deploring the attitude of the "trade” in the rejcent election for Dunedin Central, and enjoining their members to remember at' the next ©lection ■ the attitude of the "trade” on this occasion. ' '

She: Fred, do you believe that the pen is mightier than the-sword? He: Well, you never.saw.;anybody sign a cheque with » fliword, did you ?

(Professor’s’ Wife: I supped yo|u have hard work and small pay? Piano Mover: Oh, we’re not regular’ musicians', lady; we just 'deliver goods. . ’ , ' ~ /

Regarding complaints of "Hie fail lire of the members of the Nejw, Zea land Contingent to receive' thet home letters, it appears • that?,- whej the force left Newi,Zealand it-was understood that its 'destination was England, and consequently*'all maih for the force were, sent thejte; “AVher the mails reached England 'they, went sent to Egypt.' The 1 last; mail ’foi the force sent to London was that of November 15. Since Novembiei 2% mails have, been - despatched vit Suez direct • to Egypt,, and- ' _ have reached their destination by. thif time. - ‘ \ A tourist travelling in the Bocky Mountains* # was introduced to\an old hunterwho claims .to have killed no fewer than four hundred, - hem's. “Bill,” -said . the introducer^_;f feller wants'' to -hear-'some' riarrer escapes you’ve had* from’ ’bears,"* The old *■ man, rubbing ’ hfe r «Cyes;’" T looked 'the stranger,over,';and man, .if- thereX-bppn .; any /nmripr: i' A’ hoiadm’aster of X country ethool examined the of Otago's larger pubUpvs^ o 1^ sb December, and found that in .22 mzMSm ISSiSS*K

to Arifotie out,' and r handni^{them" jo#-, idarly remarked: “.You need noLbother to pUy. I-heard you in the next street."'Tableau!\ ' v *, I f -h S r ” First, ‘Oorriishman: '.What' do ’ee , 1 think I’ve a-zeed? Bill Smith’ strong up in the barn. ’Anged . ’.aself 1 Second Cornishnmn:' ’Angod "uself, ’ave, ’ee? And wha .do?' Out- ’en drAvni? First Cornishman: Cut ’en down? No; ’oe waru"t dead yet."' ~

‘Tai, whdt is a humorist?" "A humorist, son, is a person wh<s says, when, lie finds an oyster in a slew!: ‘Well, well, little stranger, what arp you, doing here?’ ”