BRIDES AND BRIDEGROOMS

Waipa Post, Volume 48, Issue 3471, 26 May 1934, Page 3

BRIDES AND BRIDEGROOMS

A SENTENCE IN LANGUAGE OR

IN LAW

STAGING A UREA I SOCIAL

EVENT,

(By a Sympathiser.)

“ Father,” said a small boy one ■evening-, when getting- his lessons. “ What is this big word m-a-t-r-i m-c-n-y? ”■ “My boy,” was the answer, “ that isn't a word; it’s a sentence.” Somewhat in keeping with this pronouncement is the Italian proverb, “ In buying horses and taking a wife shut your eyes and commit yourself to God.” The Scottish proverb is much more discriminating, “If marriages be made in heaven, some couples had few friends there.” Clergymen, when they get together, or make speeches at wedding breakfasts, are much more interesting than they prove, in the pulpit, but sensible folk remember that a wedding breakfast is not the place for sermons. Before that happy day comes humour is already on the wing. Cupid sharpens wits wonderfully. The bride- - groom appears more. or. less sheepishly, and announces that he is thinking of getting- married. The truth is that he has been meditating this step for the last twelve months or more, but his- way of putting it suggests that it occurred to him in a casual way last night about 10 o’clock. He adopted ft as a very good idea. The minister knows the brand, helps him out, and is not at all astonished by the request to .give him “ a short drop.” The metaphor from hanging- means that he wishes the service to be a short one. Most bridegrooms express that desire, but not all brides share it. The minister manages to strike the happy medium, and considering- that the bridegroom represented himself as about to be hanged he was a very happy victim, and to use Charles Lamb’s phrase, seemed to think, it no inconvenience to be publicly hanged. A double wedding has to be very carefully staged. A well-known minister relates that on one occasion two couples stood up in church to be united in matrimony. They were accompanied by their respective bridesmaids and groomsmen, and made a fairly large company. Looking down the line the minister noticed that, the bridal parties had got so mixed that, each bridegroom found be was standing- beside the wrong- woman. The threatened catastrophe was averted.

The discussion between minister and bridegroom as to marriage fees is one of the preliminaries, and causes no trouble. In early days in the American colonies money was scarce and most business transactions were managed by barter. A would-be benedict asked his minister if he would take payment in beeswax, and the offer was accepted. On weighing- the beeswax it was found to be far short of the required amount, and an impasse was threatened. Finally the young man solved the difficulty by saying, “Well, minister, you’ll just have to marry us as far as the beeswax will go.” A nice problem in ethics, but no doubt everything was satisfactorily adjusted without settingup a. lamentable precedent.

Mfore serious than preliminary meetings with parsons are the interviews with the prospective bride’s parents. A friend of one bride is represented in “ Punch ” as saying to her, “ Was he very much cast down after he had spoken to papa? ” “Yes; three flights of stairs.” Sir Walter Scott provides the most vivid account of the most extraordinary matrimonial agreement on record. One of his ancestors, a handsome young fellow, was to be hanged for plundering the estate of Sir Gideon Murray, of Elibank. Lady Murray said, “ Why hang the handsome knight of Harden when I have three illfavoured daughters unmarried? 1 No, no, Sir Gideon, we’ll force him to marry our Meg.” The alternative was offered to Sir Wlilliam Scott of marrying Meg or decorating the gallows with his carcase. He positively refused, but was given three days to reconsider. Only when he found one end of a rope made fast to his neck did his determination break down. The marriage to “ meiklemouthed Meg ” took place and proved a very happy one. Readers of Lockhart’s biography of

Scott will remember his account .ot his cousin, Watty Scott, a midshipman at Portsmouth. He and two companions had gone on shore, spent, all their money, and run up a big- bill at the tavern. The signal was given for sailing, but their landlady would not let them go till they paid their reckoning, and she put them in charge of the bailiffs. The position was very difficult. At last she made a proposal. “ I cannot carry on my business as a single woman. All three of you can go free on condition that one of you marry me. Don't care which, but one of you I’ll have or you’ll all go to gaol and your ship will sail without you.” The three cast lots, and Watty Scott was the man. They were married at once, the sailors were given a good dinner, tumbled to a boat and taken to ship. Months afterwards at Jamaica, Watty Scott, while reading a paper containing an account of a robbery and murder at Portsmouth, jumped up in an ecstasy, and shouted, “ Thanks be to God; my wife is hanged! ” The story of Dr Johnson’s proposal still goes the rounds with merrymaking effect. “ Madam, I should like to marry you, but I should tell you I have no money, and I had an uncle who was hanged.” The lady heard him with pleasure, and answered:—” Sir, I have no money, and I never had an uncle who was hanged, but I have fifty relatives who deserve to be hanged, so- I’ll marry

you.” One of many amusing incidents is related by a well-known minister. When the service reached the point at which the groomsman is asked to produce the ring he promptly held out to the minister—a well-known ringshaped confection. The ministerpreserving his dignity as best he could, shock, his head, and said quietly, “ That won’t do! ” The groomsman searched through several pockets, and at last produced the ring. In Dunedin, the famous Dr Stuart married a couple who had not met for forty years. The man had left Scotland for New Zealand under promise of marriage, but somethinghad always prevented the rvornan from joining him. The faithful couple were at last united in Dunedin, and when the ceremony was ended the bride exclaimed: “Well, well, langlookit for come at last! ” Honest woman!

Of a very different calibre to Dr Stuart was the somewhat gloomy parson who used to address the bridal pair: “ Marriage is a blessing to few, a curse to many, and an uncertainty to all—do you venture? ” He must have been a crusty old bachelor or- a sadly hen-pecked husband.

A Kaffir marriage in South Africa greatly disappointed, but also entertained a Melbourne visitor. He expected to see the parties in their native garb, but, 10, a, tall black bridegroom, in immaculate array, frockcoat with silk lapels, white tie, silk hat, white gloves, trousers of the height of fashion, hot socks and patent leather shoes. - When the bride appeared she wore not the- usual red and white striped blanket, but the bridal veil, orange blossoms, white ninon dress and white shoes, and was attended by bridesmaids and her train borne by two little Kaffir boys gloriously arranged in Highland kilts. Shades of all the Macs! The recollection comes of a honeymoon couple at a seaside hotel being invited to sing. They rendered very touchingly, “Life’s Golden Dream is O’er.”