Or His Foot.

Tuapeka Times, Volume 26, Issue 157, 26 January 1889, Page 6 (Supplement)

Or His Foot.

A little head has the dudy youth ; With not an ounce of brain in it ; You never see him open his mouth But what he puts his cane in it. The latest book out is called " A Girl's Room." It may be better than her company, but we don't believe it.

" Hallo ! Where are you going ? Don't go up tbeie ; it's dangerous." •'What is the matter?" " They're going to blast up in the quarry in a few minutes. 1 ' " Well, there isn't any danger. I see a policeman up there ; and if there was any dauger he wouldn't be there." Mrs Rasper (to her family physician) : "Do you ttiink, doctor, that a little temper is a bad thing in a woman ?" Physician (gallantly) : " Certainly not, madam; certainly not. On the contrary, it is a good thing, and she should take care never to lose it." Pedestrian (on whose shoulder a brick bad fallen as he was passing a new building : " Hi ! up there I You are dropping bricks down here !'' Bricklayer (cheerfully) : " All right I You needn't take the trouble to bring them up !" (< Don't say pitch darkness," said a girl to her little brother. "What shall I say, then?" asked the boy. "Say 'bituminous obscurity,' or something else elegant," replied the cultured young lady. A lawyer, whose team was running away, called vehemently to his coachman to hold the horses up. " I cant do it, sir," shouted the coachman. " Then run into something cheap," cried the lawyer. J*irst citizen (*t a monster meeting : "Is your watcli goiug, sir.'" Second citizen: '"Yes. I expect it is" — feeling in his pocket— '• in fact, it's gone !" Can. a man be said to have come near selling his boots when he has had them half•oled t

His Preference: "Is there an) thing more lovely in all this world," said a gushing young mother to a bachelor who had been victimised into holding the baby. "Now, tell me," she went on, as she stood mute and helpless, "is there anything more delightful than to have about you a dear, innocent little creature like this?" " I think I should rather have a parrot," was the timidly spoken reply. (t A parrot 1 How dreadful I Why would you rather have a parrot? ?" " Because you can sell a parrot or give it away." Woman (to tramp). "And if I give you a nice plate of hash, you promise to saw some wood ?" Tramp : " Ycs'm." AVoman (doubtfully) : " I don't know whether I can put confidence in you or not." Tramp (reproachfully) : " You ought to, ma'am. 1 have confidence enough in j r ou to eat the bash." They were at the front gate in the moonlight, and he asked her to be his wife. With out-stretched arms and a throbbing heart he awaited her answer. " George," she said in a nervous whisper, "you must give me time — you must give me time." j '' How long? he hoarsely asked, "a day, a week, a month, a year?" j " No, no, George," and she quickly scanned the sky, " only until the moon gets behind a cloud." " Are you not going to wear your rubbers, my dear?" asked Alphonso, tenderly, as he prepared to escort his best girl to the ice cream saloon around the corner. " I am not going to wear anything else," replied the somewhat slangy charmer, poutingly. " If that is the case we better have the ice cream sent here, and not venture out into the chilly nigbt, :> remarked Alphonso. She doesn't speak to him at all now. " A boy assassin hanged," were the words that Mr. Bokerread from the paper, and he added, in a growling tone : " Served him right." " Why, Jacob !' exclaimed his kind-hearted wife; <% how can you say so ? A sassin' boy is a great trial, but I don't think he ought to be hanged for it." (ill