BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17836, 3 May 1926, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME REFLECTIONS AND COLLECTIONS

(By One of the Boys).

Two friends met in High Street after a long separation. “Well, Bill, I hear you’re married since I sAw you last, greeted one. “Any family.?” Bill, whose features were honest and-rugged rather than handsome, grinned 'proudly.„“Yes, old man.” he replied, “a son, Just the dead spit of myself.” “Ah Well.” said the other, slapping Bill heartily on the back, “that doesn't matter so long as he’s healthy.” tt « 25 The wealthy North Canterbury sheepfarmer was showing a friend his latest acquisition, a luxurious lirrtoiisine. “By Jove!” said the friend admiringly, “what a- magnificent car, old chap. What on earth did that run you into?” “Oh,” replied the owner, “as a, mat- - ter of fact I - haven't been out in it vet.” k « After a five \ r ears’ retirement, a Scottish golf professional resumed the game. He must have found his little wooden tee after all. Tfie city detective had been sent out to a small country town to investigate an epidemic of minor burglaries. Approaching the oldest inhabitant, the sleuth said: “Seen any suspicious characters about here recently?” “Aye, by goom, I have,” responded the aged rustic, “there wor a feller with a travelHn’ circus ’ere last week, and he took a pair o’ rabbits out of my whiskers.” The motorist w r as just about to step into his car when a lady who was collecting alms for a; local charity hur- : ried towards him and said with a winning smile: “Pardon me, but would you help the Working Girls' Home?” “Why, certainly,” replied the ownerdriver politely, “but I hope they don’t live far away because I'm rather in a hurry this morning.”

Mr Young, pur Magistrate, Much overwosked has been df late, And Mr H. Y. Widdowson, For sure his work ift never done. We hint, in all sincerity (Aghast at our temerity!) They rope in J. R. Brunt, J.P., And all his confraternity. THE DIFFERENCE. Sir William Carruthers recently told this storj' about Sir Harry "Lauder's visit to New Zealand. A class at school was asked who was the richest man in the wold, and one boy shouted: “Sir Harry Lauder.” “But,” said the teacher, “Vanderbilt And other Americans are much richer.” “Yes,” said the lad, “but they, spend some ©f theirs.” ♦i «’» 3 Ah Chang, the Chinese fruiterers Can’t be disconcerted^ He’s as good disputerer . As “White bait” or “Converted.” His adopted country He likes it’s quite apparent, And pities the effront’ry Of such as the “White Parent.” He means to go on working As the law enables,. While they at him are smirking He sells the vegetables. 5$ 35 W For the priest contumacious It would be gracious Of the parish to insure him. It has to endure him. 3: « » Says Dr Mott-:-It really is a swot

After going to Czecho-Slovakia, That I have to come back ’ere. ■Would Mr Devereux Dine with an Esquimeaux? He might think it a mistake To eat blubber and raw seal steak. The old man lay dying. He had lived a hard old life. His chauffeur, his soie companion, sat by his bed. Many a night the driver had sat out in the car till dawn waiting his master, who came as soon as the daylight had taken the zest from the women and wine, or cards and wine, as the case might be. “You have driven me over some rough journeys,” the dying man said. “Over Arthur’s Pass, and along the old Te Anau track, but never such a long, long journey as the one I’ll be taking soon.” “Aye,” said the chauffeur, “and I’m thinking you never needed my foot on the brakes so much as you'll need then.” This is the latest joke from the Hospital. They have a book there and the patient’s hospital history is recorded thereon. It reads something like this: ‘‘John Brown, admitted April 1, symptoms, lumbago, discharged April 15,” and under the heading of remarks they put, “complete recovery,” “much better,” or a similar summing up. Well, this is the story of John Jones, who was admitted to the hospital as suffering from appendicitis, but -which subsequently proved to be plain stomach-ache. His entry read: “John Jones, admitted April 17, symptoms ap pendicitis,” and the new clerk was set to finish the record. This is how it now reads: “John Jones, admitted April 17, symptoms appendicitis, discharged April 30, remarks returned unopened.”