BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 17833, 29 April 1926, Page 8

BY THE WAY.

SOME REFLECTIONS AND COLLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys). I saw a newspaper heading yesterday: ITow to keep young, but I did not read it. I know already. There is only one method. It is a case of bogging in till they are old enough to keep themselves. (Dunedin readers are allowed an extra ten seconds to see this.) The cable crammer: “ Grimmett is still coughing. He indulged in his first practice at Lord's.” England hopes that, with a little more practice, he will succeed in coughing up the “ Ashes.” According to Moyle Not “ according to Hoyle ” Instead of compliance Centre votes defiance. k « One League delegate. ’s Feelings are delicate, j He shuts his mouth as a rule To avoid looking a fool. IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS. Motorist (to friend): Oh, yes! I never mind paying £2 2s 6d for a new number plate. I think it spruces the car up so. Taxi-driver (to fare): The proper fare is four bob, but on account of these new- bowsers and cheaper petrol I’ll only charge you three and six. City Councillor to tram conductor: No, I’m paying my fare this week, because I missed a committee meeting yesterday.

J. R. Devereux (to inquirer) : I am quite broadminded on the food question. Late owner of house (to purchaser) : I told you the house was ten minutes’ walk from the tram, but it is not really more than five. Football hints for three-quarters:— Don’t follow up your kicks too much. Leave them to the forwards. That is what they are for. Should you have a feud against an opposing back, wait your chance and dump him hard, at the same time saying, “Got you, you cow!” Then assist him to his feet. After all, civility costs nothing. Never say a good word for the referee. This will convey the impression that with a decent referee you would have scored oftener. Should j*ou let a man get past you and score, pretend you didn’t care, anyhow. Dance a jig or something. This will annoy those gamblers who have backed your side, and, of course, gambling should be suppressed. Always be a gentleman. If you should get a tooth knocked out, don’t spit it out. In the best Rugby circles it is swallowed. > Receptions to the Australian Cricketers have been notable for a good deal of emphasis on the maintenance of the best traditions of Engilsh sport. The cream of the joke is that the Aussies are out to win. As “Hunch” said of the. boat race, both sides would try to uphold the English sporting tradition, but unfortunately both sides couldn't lose.

Brown and Smith had been well bitten by the radio bug, and after Brown got married they still interchanged visits. On Mondays Brown would go round and hear Smith’s extra grid, and Tuesday Smith would listen to Brown’s new valve, Wednesday would find Brown back critically trying to separate from the static the effect of another condenser, or coil, or something, and so on through the week. Then a break came. Smith went away for a couple of months, but -when he returned he made for Brown s house. He paused in the hall and listened critically to the sounds coming , from the next room.

“I’m afraid, old man,” he said to Brown, “you have got a loose connection on one of those valves, but otherwise it’s remarkably clear. Sounds to me like AZZ station. But there’s a good deal of static.’’ “You’re wrong,” Brown said. “That’s not static, that’s colic. My twins are down with it. I've sold the wireless.”