SPINDRIFT.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 16907, 5 December 1922, Page 6

SPINDRIFT.

Readers are invited to rand In original topical paragraphs or versee for thia column, which is a daily feature of the “ Star.” Accepted contributions should be cut out by the writers and forwarded to the Editor, who will remit the amount* payable. The Reformers who long for a. seat j Are wont Alassev’s word to repeat. This quite makes me groan ; Have they none of their own. That they have to use second-hand ] bleat ? The ex-KaLer, it is reported, has undergone the “ Monkey Gland ’ treatment for rejuvenation. “Alas, my fate is awful,” I heard the Kaiser say; “Aiy well-known youthful beauty Is vanishing each day. And now, when I’ve succeeded, In getting me a. bride. What can renew my freshness; What can Time’s ravage hide? “ In days before my legions Marched forth to victory, I was a comely person. And beautiful tc see. My cuuntcriancee was youthful ; J know I looked superb ; And. trusting in that knowledge, 1 scarce my zeal could curb. “1 was a splendid fellow, Those days before the war ; The ladies gathered round me; They loved me more and more. Aiy mo was most impressive, It’s twist was to be feared ; But now ’tis feared no Longer— Alas, 1 wear a beard 1 “I'm tired of planning battles; I fear I've lost my punch : Aiy rhetoric is weaker; I can’t digest my lunch, f. fear that I am making No mark on histry s page, Oh, Doctor, can you help me To dodge the clutch of age?” The Doc said “The position I fully understand; For you there's one hope only— To wit. the monkey gland. Your youth you’ll find returning; You’ll be in splendid nick.” The Kaiser smiled with pleasure. And said, “ Get to it. quick!” Hark. hark, the sound of laughter From every jungle tree: It is the herds of monkeys, All paralysed with glee. The Kaiser’s operations They view with feelings gay; Pray, what could be more fitting? From ape to ape. they say. There is nothing quite so funny as the local Tory press; they have made my life move sunny by their statements. I confess .and I ve often spent much money on a play, and chuckles less. They have picked the future member for each Canterbury seat, and they toll us to remember that their fancy can’t be heat; on the seventh of December they will never fear defeat. They’re consigning Air Witty; they declare it is a pity, but it all is for the best ; Kyle, the Tories of the city say, must represent the West. And Jones will be retaining the seat of Kaiapoi, feu still bis star is reigning, he is the people’s joy, and they with love imfoigning support him, man and hoy. The Doc. they have unseated, ere voting yet has ceased, for politics are heated, in his own Christchurch East, and he must he defeatd, by two to one at least. They say the Wilford section will find its day is done, when votes at this election are counted one by one: to this I make objection, for there will soon he fun. I think the writer Tory will find his prophesies will all have gone to glory, when the results he sees ; though Bill has won before, he will not win now with ease. For now he’s “ up agin’ it.” with Wilford’s merry men : he’s losing ground each minute, supporters ten by ten : he thinks there’s nothing it it—well, better think again ! THE BROOK. (with apologies to Tennyson). L come from haunts of Yankee skite, I make a sudden sally ; Now I’m conducting, every night A Prohibition rally. I tell tall tales of U.S.A. And all about its dryness: And many other things J say; Aiy failing is not shyness. I blather, blather as I go ; I know you think I’m clever. For votes may come and votes may go, But I go on forever. T talk about the curse of drink. And what we’ve done to fight it. AYhen 1 grow hoarse, T take some ink And to the papers write it. J know that of me yon are tired. T hear you say, “Yes, rather!” But since to blather T've been hired, Waal, then. I’m going t.o blather! S • on from speech to speech I go: Aiy babble ceaseth never ; For votes may come and votes may go. But I go on forever. REFORM TACTICS. The Premier’s brow was sad And the Premier’s speech was low . And darkly thought he of the fight. And- darkly cursed the foe. “ They gain in strength most surely. Election Day draws near. Unless we act right quickly They’ll beat us, that is clear.” Then spake his first lieutenant, A stout Reformer he. “ J,o you must go through all the land And make a fervent plea. Talk not of things that we have done, For that would surely fail. But do your very best to draw Red herrings o'er the trail. * “Go! speak your piece in every town And tell it for a fact That Liberals and Red-Feds have Declared a wicked pact. So raise a revolution scare With all your heart and voice. The. voters all will hear your call And we shall be their choice.” ‘Old comrade.” said the Premier, “ As you say, so let it he. And all of you must say the same To keep in line with me. Let no man’s conscience hold him hack. AVe must he strong and bold. And then in future ages The story will he told Of how Reformers kept their jobs In the brave days of old.” A telegram states that the Premier is confined to liis bed with a severe cold. AYe knew he had had a chilly reception during his electioneering tour, hut did not know that it was so had as that. The teacher had been giving a lesson on the origin of the Maori race and tc4d the children how the natives had paddled in their canoes all the way from Polynesia. One little girl. anxious to exhibit her recently acquired knowledge, rushed home to her mother 3ud said: “ Mummie, I know' where the Alaoris came from.” “Do you, dear?” said the mother. “ Yes,” said the child triumphantly, “ they came from Afagnosia. ” SINBAD.