THE LONG-DISTANCE RIDER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 8101, 29 August 1904, Page 4

THE LONG-DISTANCE RIDER.

A STUDY IN TYPES. j. "What cyclist is there whp has noi heart from one or more of his cycling acquaintance of the long distances they claim to have don> in remarkably ahort spaces of time? " Di< twenty miles this morning in exactly an hou and five minutes!" or "Did thirty miie3 jj two hours yesterday in the face of a . wind Fact!" This species of abomination is be coming more numerous every day (writes A Bernard Simmons in " Cycling"). Aovicei are most aggressive offenders. Their endoav ours to impress listeners with a profound ad miration for their prowess are indefatigable j At tha club you will find this blatant young--1 ster pestering an indulgent audience — fellow: who have never done him the slightest injurj — with glowing accounts of his latest records ! He is tuways particular about detail, too. foi ' by this single device he gains time- to perpe trate fresh outrages upon your common sense He tolls you what he has to drink on his i rides; what he eats; that he never gnaokci when riding ; and enlarges upoa a hosi oJ other irrelevant topics. When he finds yoii j are somewhat sceptical, and that you e\i'denfc".j i know something of cycling:, he will make one I or two concessions, such as allowing that the | wind was at hi 3 back, or the road was &. I splendid surface. I Get him. to come out for a ride with you '■ and watch results. Invariably (I do not say there ere not some who will perform what they claim to do), after ten miles on a. du3tj road, with one or two pills to swallow in the shape of heart-breaking hills, your prodigy will find {something has gone wrong with his bottom bracket. Ball broken; machine runs stiff, he knows not why. Have you j any oii? He baa none; left his behind. 01 i some silly kindred excuse. If you havo some ! oil he will accept it with a resigned air — like I a good loser who has cast his all upon a 1 throw at dice and goes " pop " — and set about i the lubricating job in a slow, dignified, methodical manner. He will either irritate or profoundly amuse you. If it is the bottom j bracket or the machine-runs-stiff trouble, he ; will somehow or other get a apraia all at once in his left ankle and get off in a apread- : eagle fashion with a. wry face that calls from , you admiration and causes you to reflect what the stage lost when this idiot turned cycling man. He is particular to point out tha exact sno; v/hore the pain is, and opines that he will have to '* l»y up " with it. When you ask him if ho is fit to proceed, he shakes his head dolefully and says ho doesn't think so. If he is not a- particularly good actor, he will forget he has a Bprained ankle during the course of the somewhat ignominious homeward ride and sprint merrily ahead — down hill! Tho secret of so many of these wonderful rides lies chiefly in the ability to add skilfully i to the number of miles actually covered and to take a. quarier of an hour or so off the actual time occupied. It's quite easy when you get into it. Most of us do it ; it ie a human weakness — that's all. The writer does not mind confessing to having don© it himself — at times. But the curious part- of it all is that, if he be one of those elaborate untruthers who lie for the sake of the he can really be so earnest in his deceit as to deceive even himself. If you ride a distance of ninety miles in nine hours, just tell your friends you came from, say, a town thirty miles further away, and reduce your time to eight hours. This' will make 'your distance up to 120 milss in the eight hours, or an 'average of fifteen miles an hour, which is not bad. Add to this statement that you had rest the preceding night; that the wind was "broad-side on" and not in your face; remind them that the road wa3 rather a good one. and that you felt " fit " : temper the whole with an air cf modeet and retiring simplicity, and you will find plenty of friends credulous enough to swallow your statement. You see it is quite simple. I crave the pardon of the few bona "fide riders who could really manage a rido of this description. And many fellows wonder why, if they tone*ily do perform a decent rida, they are seldom believed w;hen, in response to Eoine questions, they tell the truth — and incredulity can be expressed in many other ways than in words.