FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7808, 12 September 1903, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY.

When is a ship not a ship?-— When it't •* 'A building. y *' L. Too many men try to pull themselves oat y*;: of trouble with a corkscrew. Maud : "Pa says that if we get maniedf he'll pay half the expenses of furnishing." 'y-i Jack : " Well z what about the other half?" . A woman on the death of her husband telegraphed to a distant friend: "Dear y % Joseph is dead. Loss fully covered by ah- '-v surance." ; ,.s '•■•-.'Llf Asked one motorist of another: '''Wa_% r :fi had you a successful journey?" ''JTO'LL^ only one man, two chickens, a police_Bi» L| and a pig." -? "Say, Cajpiain Salty, do you really think * there are mermaids at theflbottem of th* L y sea? ' " Yes, m. Ifcd ; there's women at thebottom ©f. everything!" , yL She: "You must find very Httle rootfria'vL; a torpedo boat destroyer." He: "Rather l L : L Why, in our mess the ceiling is so low w* & can only have fried sole for diuner." v| She: "Didshe giveyou a decided «Ufb?f»^ He: "Oh, no, she was very delicate." Bh«r "^i "Really?" He: "Yes, she told me to am^y her father, and he's been dead ten yejata/ 4 Li "Bridget, your lady friend xnustnVstajy * 1 so late hereafter. Her uproarious bmgfotfr woke me u£. last night." "Vie, mum; -J La was tellin' her about how you tried to ttafc* LL cake wan day." -y,_ ■■■ -.Jy A little girl in Staffordshire oomai^ aot of the fields told her mother, who was -at L . the cottage door, that she had Just asMi' « Lsnake 20ft long. Her mother took it afl ia -'M and swallowed it. i,. _. : : r : iys " I locked my safe, and couldn't Ktmambag '- : Mi the combination." "What didy©udoabi^vL*i it?" "Hinted to my -wife that some lettwn L.*| from- an old sweetheart lot mine were in«_d». '•*■: yg She got it open in ten minutes." " 'LL. "I is," began Tommy, when the -amtftf'-rrA interrupted him. "That is wramg. Vm yl should say 'I jbr..*", Tommy accepted fib* I v.i | rebuke with becoming docility, and contain* L^ ed, "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet* iri Mrs Oudahy i "They bell me Mike' ha* vL;| lost his job, Mrs Cassidy." Mrs Caealdj: : 'yy. " Net exactly lost it, Mrs Oudahy. T&s^'L'lf take him back, I think. He's just sort «f : -fi mislaid it for the time bein', as y* midbfr >| say." '.''.'■ . .:■ ' yi__ fig At a party the other evening, Smith, the Lp funnyman, picked up from the floor ttaa&'-y& false hair, and, holding it aloft, wickedly '<£% asked who had lost it. Impulsively the land Lfl of every lady within earshot went to - lier '-'y back bain. ' . yiy_ Guest (at dinner) : "Ah! thafs good.^l4 ale. Pardon my asking, but where did yoja L get it?" Sububs: "Home brewed." Gues% i^p " Really? The chicken is delicious, too. Ita *f that one of your own raising?" Sububal :«§ " Yes, home brood." ' ■ A party of students were atatAfiA ing for Glasgow on a football excursion, ailt'H^ meant to hava, a railway carriage to theait Lt]^ selves. At. the last moment in hastened a_kyv|^ old woman. "One of the young fellow^^W, thinking to get rid of her, remariced : good woman, this is a smoking carriage. l*-!Ly| "Well, well," answered the woman, " never ill mind, I'll mak' it dae**— and she took <% L.J seat. As tbe train started tfye word wai f^ passed round, " Smoke her out." All the yr windows were closed-, every student -fro-. L-si duced a pipe, and soon the car was filled . ; with tobacco smoke. So foul became the air L ~ : is that at last one of the boya began to feel \yyi faint. As he took his pipe from his; moti(s '||J and settled back in his seat the old woman ;,.yy leaned forward. "If ye are dune, sir/-___iiL^ said, in a wheedling. tone, "would ye load? iy& ly gie me a bit draw?. I came awa' in Wtm Lyg haste I foi^ot mife !" ■ [y-'yß