ME SPOOPENDYKE AND THE BURGLARS.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5171, 28 November 1884, Page 4

ME SPOOPENDYKE AND THE BURGLARS.

"Say, my dear," ejaculated ill* Spoopendyke, sitting holt upright in bed with a sudden jerk, " say, my dear, wake up ! I hear burglars in the house." " Who ? what burglars ?" demanded Mrs Spoopendyke, a3 she popped up' l-aside her husband.. " Who is in the house /" " LlusL ! Quiet, will ye ? I don't knov.- which burglar, but I hear some one moving around." " Oh, my ! what shall we do ?" inquired Mrs Spoopendyke. " Let's cover up our heads." " Why don't you get up and light the gas ?" propounded Mr Spoopendyke, in a hoarse whisper. " I suppose you can see who it is in the dark ! Get a light, can't ye ? If you had your way, we'd both be murdered in bed. Going to light up before we're killed '" Mrs Spoopendyke crawled out of bed and hunted around for a skirt. " What's the matter with you ? Can't you find a match. ?" hissed Mr Spoopendyke. "I am as fast as I ca:* " :<n>lied his wife, her teeth chattel i .;-. "I am looking for a pin. " Oh, ;. _ u're moving like a railroad, ain't ye ? I never saw anything fly like you do. All you want is to be done up in white and blue papers to be a seidlitz powder. What d'ye want of a pin ? Goisy to stick a pin in the burglar ? Why don't you light that gas ?" Mrs Spoopendyke broke half a dozen matches, and finally got a light. " ThatoJ something like it," continued Mr Spoopendyke. "Now hand me my pantaloons." '*' You won't down where they are, will ,fou?" anxiously inquired Mrs Spoopendyke, handing "over the garment. Mr Spoopendyke vouchsafed no reply, but donned his habiliments. " Now, you open," salt! he, "and go to the head of the stairs, and ask who's there, while I find my stick. Hurry up, or they'll" get away." If they are there, what'll I do then?" " Tell 'em I'm coming. Go, ask 'em, will ye ? What's the matter with you?" Mrs Spoopendyke opened the door about an inch, squealed "Who's there?" slammed tho door again, and popj»- d :*io bed. '•What ails ye?" dem mdVi h.r husband. : * What d'ye think *, ;.••:: aiv , any way ; a c- "--icalshot ? Get up, c.v.it ye, and look out ? Where's my stick ? What have you done with it ? You've sent it to school, haven't ye ? Go 6ut and ask who's there, will ye, before they come up and slaughter us." " Can you see anybody ?" whispered Mr Spoopendyke, as he hauled her back into the room. " Now, how d'ye suppose I'm goin' to catch 'em ? What d'ye want to scare 'em away for ? Tl; ink this is a. nominating convention ? What made you leave the liouse open ? Come down with me and ;

I'll show you how to lock up." Down they went, aiid a careful scrutiny demonstrated : that everything was fast. " I don't believe j there was anybody there ! " said Mrs j Spoopendyke, as they returned to their j chamber. "It wasn't your fault," retorted . Mr Spoopendyke. "If you had got up when I told you, and kept your mouth shut, we'd have got 'em." " I think we'd caught them if they'd been there," said Mrs Spoopendyke, taking down her hair and proceeding to put it up again. "Oh, you'd caught them !" sneered Mr Spoopendyke. " Another time a burglar gets iv the house you stay abed, and don't you wake me up again. I won't have any woman routing me out at this time of night, ye hear?" "Tes, dear," and Mrs Spoopendyke went to sleep secure in his protection.