EXECUTIVE MINUTES.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 111, 21 September 1868, Page 3

EXECUTIVE MINUTES.

[Tbe reporter who is engaged to report or misreporc the proceedings of the Constitutional pnr'y for the Government lias acci •dentally thrown into our way a report of the iollnwing proceedings.] Sckxk— The Colosiai, Room. Present — Mr Stafford. Colonial Sccretaru; Mr Hall, Postmaster- General ; Mr Richmond, Native Minister ; and Colonel Haultain, Defence Minister. They are engaged going through the Order Paper. Colonial Sreretary in chnir. Post-iruiater-Gencral writing, and taking very little notice. Native Minister eating a quill pen. Some trivial point on the Order Paper .arises of which the Colonial Secretary takes advantage to deliver a long rainMing e3say He refers to the s.-paration of Queensland from New South Wales, the proposed disestablishment of the Irish Church ; Mr Fox's travels, which he says are of a very limi'ed nature, lie (Mr Stafford) having travelled over at least fifty tfmes more • f the earth's fliirfaoe than Mr Fox ; the library of tinBritish Museum ; his expectation of shortly being raised to the Peerage ; his refusal of the Governorship of Queensland ; a few confidential particulars concerning the Q-ieen'a private life, and his (Mr Stafford's) intimate friendship with the late Prince Consort (in reference to which Mr Hall renurks in an undertone, " the Prince ennnot deny it") ; the culinary science, especially concerning instruccions in cookery whi<:h he (Mr Stufford) pare to the late Alexander Soyer ; and flnully. after one hour of this desultory talking, he comes to the subject of the last Derby Race.* Mr Richmond for a long while ha? been waiting for an opportunity, of getting a word in. Here he thinks he sees ach mcc. Native Minister : Talking of Derby ; should remind us that Lord Derby is now out •f office as we may soon bo. Mr Stafford (furiously, like a. wild auima! de?:rived of her young) : What on earth Mr Rid'n.ond has Lord Pcrhy to do with our meeting here tc-day? A l rHiclmond (in a humble, deprecating manner) : You yourself referred to the Derby race, and — Mr Stafford : I deny it. I absolutely deny it. I deny referring to the Dtrby. I de-ny referring to Lord Derby. I deny that there is smb. a race us the Perby. I deny that there is such a person as Lord Derby. I deny everything — now what do you s»y to that ? lir Richmond (very deferentially) : It i#> no new doctrine — that everything, even our very existence, is an effort of the imagination. Many philosopher* — . v r Hall (suddenly, just having finished a airemn): D your philosophers, Richmond. Colonel Haultain (thinks be sees a chance): So I say ; you are always talking about philos< phirs and rending their looks— naety indecent books, I would not have them in my house ; I got whipped at school for reading Aristotle, and yet you quote him sometimes. I think it would be much better it you would look after tbe < ustoms and stop the smuggling which is going on in Auckland. Mr Stafford (seeing they are all with him, in a patronising manner meant to he generous) : I hope this will be a les«on to you Mr Richmond; you have detained us just one hour and a-half with remcrks which had nothing whatever to do ivilh the subject in hand. . Mr Ricl mond (murmurs to himself) : Well this is no bed of roses ; yet it is something to be a member of the Government. I must put up with it. Knock at the door. Inter Mr Haughton in great haste, pant-

ing for breath. Mr Stafford looks up severely. Mr Haughton (addrossiug himself to Mr Stafford especially, and each period marked by a little pant) : I beg pardon, sir ; for intruding, sir ; but I think you will excuse me, sir ; it is so important, sir ; the committee which is framing the Government policy, sir; has just concluded, sir ; they have taken £10 000 off Nelson, sir, because of Curtis, air ; and I think they are inclined to take off more, sir ; because they say Wells does not care about N'.; ! s m getting anything, sir ; and thi-y sre goinif to give it to Marlljorough, sir ; OnptHiu K^nny not being very satisfied, sir ; and they say it is all nonsense giving anything to Otago, sir; because the Otago member* who support the Government, sir, don't care the least, sir, for their province, sir ; quite the contrary, sir ; and Mr Carleton, sir, wou'dn't have anything for Auck land, sir ; he pays he only wants to see it go to the dogs, sir ; and, sir, Mr Bunny stick-* up for Wellington, sir ; and Mr Harrison, •ir, is not contented, sir ; and. sir, a deputation of Mr Bunny, Mr Carleton, un<l Mr Cracroft Wilson, sir, are coming to see you, sir, to teli you what you are to do to day ; and may they come in now sir. Mr vStufford : Certainly ; let them come directly —make haste, you l«zy dolt, don't stand panting theie. To Colonel Hsiultain : You had better go, Haultain ; you know we have ab.i'ighed you Colonel Haultain goes out of one dojr, as Mr Carleton, Mr Cracroit Wilson and Mr Bunny en tar at another. Mr Stafford rushes up to Mr Carleton, and putting both arms round hia neck, embraces him. Mr Richmond does the same to Mr Bunny. Mr Hall prepares to do the same to Mr Wilson, but seas he cannot reach him ; ao he draws back a st^p, and making a spring, succeeds in twining his arms roun 1 Mr Wilson's neck, clinging with his legs round Ml- Wilson's knees. Mr Wilson very unceremoniously dislodges him, and carefully wiprts his whiskers with a large pocket handkerchief. Mr Wilson : Master Johnny, never you attempt that ngaiu — it is a liberty, sir, I would not allow my own children. Don't you suppose, Mr Stafford, I come here to be soft-sawdered — I will just tell you my mind. I am disgusted wiiu the Government and everything it does. I support you just be cause 1 know you are working towards doin^ away with the provinces, and not because I at all believe in you. My sympathy is altogether with the Opposition, but a long residence in India hits taught me that one must sometimes use questionable tools to work out a purpose, and that is why you witl have my vote, and f.-r no other reasou. You remember air, three years ago, I shook my fist ut you. and told you I had a character to lose, aud would not be in your position for £5000 a year. lam just of the name mind now. The brave old veteran then shook his fist at each of the members of the Government, lingering a little over the Colonial Secretary, turned round and left the room. Mr Carleton : Stafford, you are not hurt. Mr Stafford : Carlet'.n, I thought you knew me better. For the good of the country I would bear fifty times more so long as he votes with ua. How often have I to tell you that we will do anything our followers wish if they will only agree amongst them- j selves. You know (turning to Bunny) I have told you, Bunny, you may jump on me, dance on me, sit on me, so long as you support me. j Mr Bunny (jubilantly) : lam quite aware of it old boy ; and you can't deny, Staff, that I have used my privilege dnring the session. Mr Stafford gl.irea and rings the bell. Enter Mr Haughton. Mr Stafford : Have you made out the list I instructed you to ? I Mr Haughton : Sir, I am very sorry — please, sir, it is not my fault, sir, I work hard, sir, but as fast as I seem to satisfy onemember, sir, another appears doubtful, sir, and I have to bm ton-hole all day, sir, and I will do it totiight, sir. Mr Stafford : No more of these pitiful excuses. You lazy rascal, you don't half do your work. Don't let me have to speak to you again. Begone 1 will you — you'll come to no good. (Mr Haughton whimpers and retires.) MrNiivffonl : That, Carleton,ia my refuge : when anyone anuoys me, I pay out Haughton for it. Mr Bunny : Yes, Staff ; but I won't have it Haughton is a friend of mine, and J won't have the lad ill used. Mr Stafford : I quite forgot. Bunny, I huuibly beg your pardon. (Kings, and Mr Hwughton enters ) I am very sorry, Mr Haughton, that 1 spoki* like that to you just now ; pray overlook it. Mr Haughton : Thank you, sir ; it does not matter, sir. Indeed I try to do my duty, sir. (They embrace, and Mr Ilaughlon retires.) [ Mr Carlton advances to the table, and comi mences a long speech, folding hia arms. [Here the reporter was called away. He returned after two hours, when a singular spectacle presented itself— only Mr Carleton aud Mr Stafford wero in the room, each seemingly unconscious of the other's presence. Mr Carleton, still at the table with arms folded, was addressing a picture of Dr Featherstcn at the other end of the room, in a mixture of languages, in which Jreek, Arabic, and Hebrew were chiefly distinguishable. Mr Stafford, with hia hands in his pockets, iv a monotonous tone, was trying to persuade a box of steel pens and a small bottle of red ink which stood on lhe table, that he (Mr Stafford) ought to be made Lieutenant-Governor of Auckland. The reporter left them speaking."!