Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 50, 11 July 1868, Page 3

Varieties.

" None of your croaking," aa the drowning man said to the ball-frog. A"grcatbruto" recently advertised fora 6trong Able-bodied man to hold his wife's tongue. i iln Germany, when a paper says anything witty, they kill tho, editor} and not one editor has been killed there for 200 years. A husband, on being told tho other evening that Ills wire h id lost her temper, replied that ha w(u glad of it, for it was a very bad one* Buioium Yocrto has instructed tho "Suinti " that tho Spirit of God hw itutruetod him to order them to leave oil drinking tea and eoflfo.'. The gowo of a suburban town clerk mi positively mado out of ono of thoout-akirUof . the city. Such a piece of economy is unheard of in uny municipal record extant. It is »t»id that a descendant of Luther, the " great Hofornier, is now living in Hngaratown, Maryland. Ho la ono of tho eighth generation* in regular descent, from his famou» ancestor* > A Mississippi editor has received two down - pumpkins, ft load' of shucks, four bushel* o! potatoes, and a lot of corn, by way of subrcriptlona. He calls it M signs of prosperity." A pensive young ritualist stated the other ilny that ho thought of adopting tho tonaure. •'Certainly,' 1 waa tho reply, "the Frenca proverb tells you on wh*t heads we learn to Blmve." A dandy of twenty.six having been termed an * old bachelor/ appealed to an elderly gcntlcinnn to decido whether he should be called old or not, giving hi* Age. " Twentysix," sail the elderly gentleman, •• It is owing to how you toko ie Now, for a man, - it ia young enough ; but for a goose it is rather old." vone morning a pompous little man called upon Sydney Smith, saying that, being about to compile a history of distinguished families in Somersetshire, he had called to obtain the Smith nriut). " I regret, *ir," said tho rovcrend wit, " my inability to contribute to flo valuable a works but the Smiths never had any arms, and have invariably sealed their letters with their thumbs," Tho Indies have, for the past righteon centurks, <iiij'>yed special privileges during leap your. In an ancient rtaxon law it is enacted, "Albeit, ns often ns leupe yeare. dothe owure, tho woman holdcth prerogative over the menno in matter of couruing, love, and matrimoncc, so that when tho lodio proposeth it wliull not be lawful for menno to say her nea, but shall rcceivo her proposall in all good courtcsie." Girls, this law te still in force. Jlrilas any ono a lazy boy who won't get up in tho morning ? Here hft mother* remedy for the complaint in 1605:—" Truly, Mr (Tutor) the greatest faulto is in you. It i* but a benumming of the limbes that he hat' , which you ought to supple in annointing him with the juice of Birch, which it excellent for such a cure j and if you apply it but twico or thrice, you slmll see a meruailous operation. But if your medicine ho not of force, let mo knowo it, and I will mako him such a moroing song that it will awake hdu in all Jit Roncc, und 'hasten him more than a good puce"