Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 49, 10 July 1868, Page 3

Varieties.

An Imperious Cesar.— The Sheriff. lloiv does a romantic young lady measure hor lover's sincerity ?— By bis sighs. Tlio reason wo mlmlrc pretty fe-et,—Bc-canio all's well that end* well, When does an arlUt appear most UiorougWy ml.ortibla ? — Wlion ho draws a long face. Tlio alchemists, seeking golii, discovered looking-glass. So many a man, labouring vainly, perceives hU truo nature. " Nominate your poison," is tho laat ex-pro-iaion used in Indiana, in lieu of tho matter-of-fact " What will yon havo to drink?" During tho session of a county court a — »*own«_fa3 naked if he wn* not a husband-lmvnr^«w»-'-^^^f-«cplied, "No, sir, I'm • not married." ~~ > - . •• You ought to lay np something for a rainy day," said an anxious father to hi* profligate son. "And so I bave," replied the youth, "What?" "An umbrella" " So you would not tako me to be twenty ?" said a young lady to her partner, whilo dancing a polka a fow evenings since, " What would yon tako mo for? " " For better or worao," " Three and Sixpence per Gol 1" exclaimed Mrs Partington, looking over tho Trices Current. " Why, bless mc, what is tho world coming to, when the gala nro valued at only three-and.nixpcnce n-plece ?" Somo people have the detectable habit of " currying the shop with thorn, go whero they will. Wo notice, for instance, that Dipwiek, tho tallow-chandler, comes up to business every morning from his suburban villa in ft ••composite" carriage. A friend, dining with I)r Maginn, -waa complimenting him on the flno flavour of his wine, and begged to be informed of tho merchant's uamo. " Uh, I get it from a house close by, just ns I happen to want it," replied tho host—" the London Tavern." Indeed 1 » said tlio other $ " a capital cellar, unquestionably, Bat havo you not to pay rather aa extravagant prico for it ? " '* I don't know — I don't kmw," replied the other i "X bolioTO thoy put down something in a book." Mr Howard was ono day at a great dinner party which the lato Duko of Norfolk gave to several of his neighbour-. Ho sat at tba bottom of the tabic, tho Duko being at tbo head; and ono of tbo gentlemen who sat near tho Duko called out to him, and said, "Ms Howard, will you drink a g lflM of wlnß with mc ? There was a connection between our families." " With a groat deal of ple*» sure," replied Mr Howard j " though I don't know exactly what tho connection U ; bat la this country thero have been several ma*- . ringes between neighbours." "Why, sir*. rcHumcd the gentleman, "yonr ancestor, Lord William Howard, hung up twenty-threo out of twenty-seven of my family, and you must own that was a tie." ________