THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XL, Issue 11, 15 November 1919, Page 7

THEY SAY

—It's true! "No party" means "no party but our party."

— It is sincerely hoped the bakers will not strike before the electoral rolls are cooked.

—St. Matthew's Church choristers have struck. One often wishes that St. Matthew's Church bells wouldn't.

—Only one man (a Chinaman) went to gaol from Mastertortijjin a year. The police say it's an avfully dry town.

—The Ministry is. suggesting that a day be set aside for the slaughter of rats. Many politicians are taking to the tall trees.

—A medical man in court: "If doctors collect 50 per cent, of the money owing to them they are satisfied." That settles it! * Burn the doctor's bill, mum!

—A reverend gentleman varies the monotony of existence by playing on the handbells. It is a refreshing change to the persistent flute solos of ecclesiastics.

—A doctor's advice: "Keep in the pink of condition, and you won't be troubled with the blues." Then he ordered the patient a bottle of red medicine with a green label. • * * —A lady prohibitionist lecturer: "We owe our free English democracy to a stroke of the pen of the Czar of Russia, who abolished vodka." You can't beat a lady's reasoning. • * * —A sewing-cotton firm has made a year's profit of £4,000,000 after paying war tax. Nobody suggests a good stout cotton rope and a thick tree branch as a present to the head of the firm. • • • —Domestic servants are in such short supply that boarders have to wait on themselves. The Prince's Street boarder who spilled the hot soup down the landlady's neck has been discharged. • * * —It is stated that on the anniversary of Armistice Day even politicians were silent for two minutes, and that political candidates (including ladies) bore tip under the strain. • • * —A correspondent wishes us to drop the "eh" out of "schnapper" to de-Germanise it. Would he mind doing something also to "schHnter" and "spieler," and "kindergarten" and "liedertafel." • • • —A correspondent complains that although the Prince of Wales is a soldier he has never been in action. Wrong I Only a few weeks since in Canada the Prince distinguished himself by shooting the rapids. « • • —"What chance has the LloydGeorge Ministry of surviving?" asked a man. "None!" replied the modest Australian, "They've got an Australian artist caricaturing Lloyd George in English papers!" (Note: The "Australian" artist is Davie Low, of New Zealand).

—Since America went dry the only thing that's tight there ie money.

— On a thousand shops this notico might with justice appear: "Returned Soldiers Sold Here!"

—Information par from "Herald" : _"There are to-day aboiit 23,000,----000 Red Indians in America."

—A Bank of New Zealand £1 note is worth 410 cents in America. In New Zealand it often contains more scents than are calculable.

—The wooden statue of Hindenburg in Berlin has been burnt. Unhappily the Dannevirke Fire Brigade didn't know.

—Now, wouldn't it be something frightful if all the Parliamentary candidates got the mumps and couldn't talk.

—Teachers are to get another £200,000 a year. The working time is to be increased from 4 months per annum to 4 months 59secs.

—Equally true statement made for the first time: "In the North Island of I?ew Zealand the Maoris number 999,999,999."

—A great thinker declares that to succeed one must appear a fool, but not be one. This is shockingly rough on political candidates.

—A man won a show event t'other day with "Bill Massey," a hack up to eleven stone. Is it a happy augury for our 18-stone William? * * * —It is likely that the price of sugar will go up. When it does, as Shakespeare so cleverly observed: "Parting will be such sweet sorrow." * • ■ * —America is going in for eating horse-flesh, and people who know Chicago will look at a tin and say that's nothing new. When offered potted horse do not say "neigh." » * • —Said a public man: "Excepting the clergy, no occupation is more honourable than that of a teacher." Land agents all over the country are violently protesting. * * * —Thank heaven, there's a glint of gaiety in the dailies %t last. Headlines, Taranaki "Iferald": "The General Elections—Training Notes— From the Leader's Stables." * * • —Niagara passengers lately collected £58 for the mothqr of a baby born aboard. Ladies with an eye to such a handsome birth bonus will be interested. * ■ • —It is computed by the office statistician that New Zealand railway engine drivers and firemen throw 4£ tons of coal at wayside rabbits every day, and that it takes 149 tons of coal to kill one rabbit. • • • —A southern paper has amongst its star items this "ad. ,, : "Sample fur coat in rabbit-skin, 23 guineas." How has the humble bunny become exalted from pest to profiteer!