THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XXXVI, Issue 49, 12 August 1916, Page 16

THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

LANCE-CORPORAL FRED CODY serving with the New Zealand forces (machine gun section) in France., writes.: —"Thank the Lord, we have left the flies and sands of Egypt behind. What a rude shock the nervous systems of the flies must have received when they woke, up one fine morning and discovered we were gone—mafish, partir, or in other words, kornate. Great run across, with odds, on being torpedoed. Luck still held out, and we arove in due course at (censored). France is like a moving picture show, only more so. Wine plentiful, which helped some. Received with open arms by the. Southern people, who had seen few British soldiers, either Home or colonial. Rain, mud, snow, sleet, and more rain for a few days; sunshine now is the order of the day. Huge time here, with beer a penny a glass, champagne 4s 2d a bottle, and femininity prolific. My French is good, but the only drawback is the French don't understand it. A slight difficulty like this is overcome by the production of a couple of francs. Their bad English and my worse French combine to produce some sort of impression.

"Billetted temporarily in a barn, on which the owners had thoughtlessly forgotten to put a roof. As it rained most of the time, we had fine swimming practice every night. Next shift was to a barn inhabited by five pigs, seven cows, two dogs, and sundry other animals too small to mention. We mounted a guard on the porkers to keep them from

speaking out of turn. Later we shifted to the garret of a small country 'pub.' Needless to say, all our troubles faded out of the picture. Suppose a village consists, of 100 houses —99 are estaminets or houses converted into pubs., and the. other one is the church. From here at night we obtain a fine view of the fireworks and the coughing of the 12in. guns is quite audible. The squareheads don't seem to like machine guns somehow, and are always throwing ironmongery s.hops about when they spot one. © ® ®

Soldier:—ln the mattei of accounts between the State and the soldier, the State is the largest kind of stubborn ass ever bred by chance. For instance, I might declare to the Pay Branch that, the said branch owes me £30 10s 6d. The man to whom I go is most possibly an aged person who, prior to being pitchforked 'into a job, knew nothing of accounts. He. consults a couple of dozen other people, and in a week or two declares that 'the State only owes me £29. Even though this is incorrect, and my figures are ultimately established, the State will make me no progress payments in the meantime. It will hang up the whole business for three months if necessary, regarding me in the meantime as of no consequence whatever. In effect I say, "You owe me £30 10s 6d." In reply the State says, "No! We owe you £29, and until we. definitely decide how much we do owe you— starve, dash you, starve!" It doesn't matter to the State whether it is right or wrong. It has the whip hand, and it kicks the living and the dead equally through its servants.

You have to go to remote places in New Zealand to understand why the men who are left have no time for an eight-hour day, or even a spell on Sunday. Town people, who get up on war anniversary day and express "our determination to bring the war to a successful conclusion" and all that sort of Tommy rot, hardly ever acknowledge that the chap who is taking the blows is the

chap who is seeing it through, and not the speech-maker. As a small example of the war's effect on the back country we name Ngaroma. Ngaroma is a remote, one-shed wayside place, reached by a bi-weekly coach from Te Awamutu. The people are sturdy bush farmers—pioneers in the best sense cf the word. Out of a district population of 42 people Ngaroma has sent 29 men to the front—that is. to say, its entire fit male supply. This means, of course, that the brave women and old men of such places fill the place of the soldiers, and do double shifts without complaint—and, God bless 'em—without newspaper headlines and long-winded skite about our determination to finish the war. They just do it, and don't "blow." Some of the tripe exuded by Auckland platform entities on war anniversary day would make these bush people siclv. & ® 8>

Although the march of troops over the Rimutaka Hill, from Featherston to Trentham, has been a monthly fixture for some time past, interest in the event never seeme to pall, and there, is usually a new feature to characterise the. march of each draft. The. Thirteenths had a stormy passage,- rain and wind following them throughout. The Fourteenths had remarkably fine, mild weather right through. The Fifteenths were led by a little bootmaker, and now the Sixteenths have put up a new record by marching from camp to camp, in full marching order, in one day. The. whole of the draft did not. do this, though it was through no fault of D E F G and H Companies that they were put in the train at Kaitoke and whirled' down to Trentham by rail. ABC and J Companies were the ones which came right through. Though the Sixteenths' mascot is a wolfhound, the mascot of the Fifteenths, the bootmaker, went through with the four companies, and seemed as fresh as a daisy when he arrived at Trentham. The usual crowd of civilian visitors at Trentham on Sunday saw the boys arrive, and a hearty reception, was given them by soldiers and civilians. Twenty-seven miles with a pack of

about 70 lbs. is no joke, and there is something solid to back the. official opinion that the Sixteenths are the strongest reinforcement i£uat have yet crossed the big hill. ®» ®> ®

Extract from a letter from Q.M.S. "Billy" Hill, once of the "Heiteld" reporting staff, twice wounded, and now in France: —"It's wonderful how used to bullets one gets. I can honestly say that they don't scare me worth tuppence, but I'm not fool enough to stand up when they ..are flying around. Fritz gave our billet a terrible thrashing with 5, 8, and 9-inch shells on Friday morning, and had we riot got down into the cellars it would. have been all U.P. with a lot of the.complany. For two hours he Tamed shells all round us, but, thanks to timely warning, we escaped scot free. Still, it wasn't a nice experience to sit in a cellar knowing that it would be a case of a cloud and a harp for all of us if one projectile landed on the roof. Afterwards I collected some fine big bits of shells as souvenirs, but doubt if I will be able to get them to New Zealand. Don't think that Fritz's bombardment means superiority of artillery, 'cos in our section we send back three shells for every one he puts over. Don't, think anyone need worry about this position, 'cos if Fritz does come across he'll be sorry. Lately he; has been trying his new aerial torpedoes on us on the front line. Nice playful little things are these 'Minniewirf era.' You can see them coming, as a rule, but if one lands near you you don't need to look for them again. They make holes big enough to bury a dozen horses in, and they knock over the parapets with the greatest ease. Our trench mortars inflict similar damage on Fritz's trenches. So, altogether, you will see that life is not like a meal at the Waverley. Still, we are happy so long as we get our deiarly beloved Bully every day. The rations, as a matter of fact, are quite good in the front line; we get bread every day, and always fresh meat. Sorry I can't write any more now. Don't worry about us, we are all right."

Corpus Delicti: —In a recent "Star" there appeared a letter from some of the jurymen regarding the intention underlying the phrasing of their verdict in the now celebrated Rua trial. If these worthy men and true do consider the verdict and consequent conviction "against the weight of evidence," the accused has his remedy under sec. 445, "Crimes Act, 1908." The appellant must in such cases give notice within seven days, naming the matter and grounds, and the Court to which it is to be made. The procedure on a general appeal is in the nature of a re-trial. (Perry v. Rasriiussen, 22, N.Z.L.R., 581.) Re the bodies of Toko Rua ; and Te. Maipi, so hurriedly buried at Maungapohatu, it is laid down in the "Coroners Amendment Act, 1908": "After an inquest has been opened and adjourned, or after a jury has returned a verdict as to the cause of death, the Justice acting as coroner should make out and sign a warrant to bury in the schedule form. This warrant then is to be issued to the constable, relative, or undertaker in charge of the burial. Without such a warrant, it is unlawful for ANY person to bury the deceased." (New Zealand Justices Manual, 1910.)

The letter from the jurymen presents yet another serious side, of the question. They aver that they had not arrived at a definite conclusion with regard to the Maungapohatu charges, which formed some of the counts in the indictment against the accused. That they were discharged 1 before agreement was seen to be impossible. The learned judge characterised the evidence as being "contradictory." It would appear from the jurymen's letter that the proceedings have been terminated in a manner equally contradictory. @> © ©

The issue of the. 10s notes by the banks of this country marks a milestone, or a half mile-stone, on the rocky road of finance. The idea is to save the limited number of halfsovereigns in circulation from being

worked to death. It is also a big stride in the direction of increasing the paper currency, though New Zealand still has a long way to go ere she reaches the limits in paper money set by France, and by America, too,, for that, matter, though America's greenbacks have become such an institution that they scarcely come within the suspicions of war currency. The French chambers of commerce have- issued one franc notes —twenty-six of them are worth £1. So a man might be so loaded up with them as to make him uninsurable against fire, and yet be worth very little. Still, there is only a difference in denomination between a 10s note arid a Is note. When the 10s note was introduced in Australia,, it was passed off successfully, in several instances, as a £1 note. New Zealand "tradesmen will have to guard against such frauds. <® <® <SB

Only the wildest weather could prevent the march over the Rimutaka Hill of the senior infantry reinforcements in . .camp. But that kind of weather put in an appearance last week, with the result that the Sixteenths did not get away from Featherston, until Saturday. On the day. appointed for the march, the snow was thick on the mountains, and extended even to the lower levels. ; A cold, raw rain was falling, too', and altogether it was highly inadvisable for the troops to take the mountain road. One result of this big march is to sort.out any that, are unfit among the men. But to make the journey, and to bivouac for two nights in the cold and rain would be. tempting Providence, and might put. the hardiest on the sick list. Considering the weather, there is remarkably little sickness in the camps. The suggestion that the men are dying at the rate of two a day—made by Mr Webb in the House—is a regular soldier's yarn, one that should have been held up by the ears like a rabbit, and given a smart rap with the edge of the hand, so that it would remain dead for quite a long time.

'Twas a neat "scrtap" that happened the other evening after the' arrival of the Dunollie train (states the Greymouth "Star"). Standing on the footpath were two returned soldiers who had fought on Gallipoli. They were talking with some friends when two burly coal-cutters from the Red Fed centre came along, one of whom accosted the gentle-. man in khaki in this derisive mjanner, "What do you think you were fighting for at the front?" The answer came, quick and sharp as.the ping of a rifle shot. "For such blanky wasters and shirkers as you." The coalman apparently did not appreciate the retort, (and immediately shot, out his right, only to strike the atmosphere. The smaller athletic in-khaki-man neatly side-step-ped, and you could hear the thud as his right landed on the other's face. He was up in a second, but the soldier was on his guard this time. In the meantime the second soldier was heavily engaged with the second brtiwny one from the. ooal area. Training in the noble art prevailed, only one being in it—that one the soldier. It was a lesson and one of the finest recruiting speeches that has ever been delivered in Greymouth, and most forcibly put.

The. natives of German East Africa, where General Smuts is still at work, have never taken kindly to the German language, as taught there in the government schools. In the opinion of Sir Charles Eliot, the. half-civilised Swahilis seem to be the only African race who can make any headway with the intricacies of the German tongue. "There is an amusing story," he says, "which relates that some spot in the interior was christened Wilhelmshohe, ,and a discourse made to the assembled natives on the august significance of the Imperial name. When subsequently asked if they could remember what the place was called, they replied: 'Yes—Whiskysoda'!"

This is the time of the year during which His Majesty's school inspectors observe the fruit upon the tree of knowledge, sand their experiences are often a little laughable. Emphasis is placed nowadays on the value of civics, and the child in the fifth standard is expected to know some primary facts about. Parliariient. Said "the inspector to a fifth standard boy: "What does Parliament consist of?" Said the boy: "The House .of Representatives." "Very good—and what else?" The boy scratched his head and thought hard: "The Locomotive Council, sir!" The inspector was. talking of domestic animals. To a class he asked: "What do you know of bulldogs?" He observed a look of intellect in the eye of a small boy. "Well?" "He's a to bite, sir!" Then the inspector tried them on the seasons. Everybody knew that spring, summer, autumn and winter were the seasons. "Why is Spring oalled by that name? What have you observed to spring?"

A dear little girl said, "Daffodils, sir!" "Quite right! Anything else?'' The boy from the dairy farm poured out all his knowledge of the glad season by yelling, "Please, sir— cows!" <© <& ® There have been in New Zealand several royal battles of precedence, such as the right of the Chief Justice to precede the Premier, the right of the Minister of Defence to precede the commandant of the forces, and so on. They settle these matters in the country Press without fuss. An extract: 'fThe Mayoress, Lady Liverpool and Red Cross Society acknowledge the following." No need to ask if "His Worship" advertises. Imaginary sample or so: "LanceOorporal Tfclkins, Sergeant-Major Bruff and Major-General Robin were present." "Mr Votes, member for Vpterville, Mr Sludge, chairman of the county council, and Mr Sands, our esteemed local storekeeper, addressed the meeting. The Right Hon. W. F. Massey, Prime Minister, also spoke."

In case gentlemen of hospitable tendency should imagine that the "anti-shouting" law is likely to be oftener broken than observed, if New Zealand follows British precedent the hospitable ones will suffer. In an English Court recently the "shouter" was fined £5 and costs, the man for whom he shouted was fined £3 and oosts, and two barmaids, who supplied the liquor were fined £2 each and costs. Statisticians infer that the consumption of liquor in England alone has been reduced by £20,000,000 worth per year—at least they assume, this to be an average on a three months' calculation.

A yarn was recently told about a New Zealand officer who had been ill in France, hearing that his regiment was engaged, borrowed a horse and "deserted" in order to get to his unit in time for the scrap. Lord Kitchener was just that sort of chap. He went to school in France and was sent home to England to be "crammed" for the -Army. He always rushed away to France whenever he got a chance. On one of these trips while he was still a Woolwich cadet he enlisted as a private in General Chanzy's second army of the Loire, at the beginning of the Franco-Prus-si|an war. Private Kitchener wasn't long in tlu3 French Army, and he spent most of his French service in hospital with pneumonia, and very nearly died. The British authorities regarded Kitchener's enlistment in the French Army as. a breach of discipline and at first refused to take him back at Woolwich, so that his military career stood a good chance of being ended before his 19th year. Only on the pleading of his father, Colonel Henry Horatio Kitchener, was he readmitted. So his earlybreach of discipline almost robbed Britain of the greatest soldier since Marlborough.