THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXVI, Issue 49, 12 August 1916, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That the "slime.fi" case in Waihi isn't quite dead yet. More anon! —That a cheering headline is, "New Zealanders Engaged." Those charming French girls again! —That the City Fishmonger intends to tax fish. What scale? Don't spell trawler with a "c" ! —That Conan Doyle, suggests armour for the troops. Even Sherlock Holmes wouldn't be. able to pierce it. —That the Conscription Bill is now law—so anybody who knows a politician should get'busy or he'll be for i*i. —That with the anti-shouting laws beneficiaries under Supplementary Votes won't need so much money. —rThat this is the crack headline of the week: "Atrocities of the Germans — Punishment of Authors." Well, they have written some rotten books in their time! —That Pharisees, like politicians, "pass by on the other side." Tht latter also pass the Supplementary Estimates —for politicians. —That Sir Joseph Ward will locally borrow £8,000,000 this year. Journalists have offered to take the whole issue up—on paper. —That Mr Cutte.n frankly admits that the umbrella he took is not his. If it's a better one than the one that isn't ours—we'll swap. —That the bravery of our citizens on the occasion of the war anniversary is most inspiring. Every Mayor will fight to the last word.

—That Parliament has extended its own life in order that it may give its accumulated salaries to the Patriotic Funds. (Loud laughter.) —That in China the big jobs are only open to highly educated men— so that if this were China there would be nearly four men in Parliament. —That, vide a local journalistic authority, "New Zealand cavalry have been engaged in Egypt." The dailj' papers' knowledge of soldiers is extensive and peculiar. —That police officials and others show the Dalmatians to be so superior to the mere British citizen that it's a wicked shame a couple of dozen are not in Parliament. —That the brewers have, of course, nothing whatever to do with the postponement of the general elections for two years. It doesn't pay the Beer Party. No! No! —That, vide Mr Gunson, it will take some time to "break the House of Hohenzollern." In the meantime the City Council is practising on breaking the House of Sanford. —That it would be interesting to know what philanthropist supplies the "waterproof" sheets for the New Zealand troops, and the profit made out of these death dealing articles. —That some Turkish guns are to be presented to Auckland. These are probably the guns won by Mr Massey's war anndvereary motion. Other guns may be captured by the singing of patriotic hymns. —That Mr Massey believes that the spot on which Mount Eden gaol stands will be. the future centre of Auckland. A land boom has broken out already, and a mrmber of gentlemen are unwilling to cell. —That, apropos Mr W. Hohenzollern :— "Your fate can't be mistaken, It is just like Irish bacon— Not worth a Continental Till it's hung!"

—That Germany wants wool—but hemp is even more necessary. —That the war Nonsense ! Who's going to win the Pahiatua bye-election ? —That Roumania may intervene. Potumahoe has already thrown down the gauntlet. —That in the latest list of V.C.'S very few New Zealand M.P.'s indeed are mentioned. —That Americans plan to rebuild shattered France. They are already studying Norman architecture. —That 70 per cent, of the V.M.C.A. have enlisted. Muscularity beats afternoon tea every time. —That the German defenders at Pozieres were picked troops—picked off by British and Colonial Tommies. —That recruits for the 29th reinforcement swear they will leave no stone unturned to win the Battle of Mons. —That £10,000 worth of Chinese eggs were consumed in New Zealand last year. The Yellow Peril and the Foreign Yolk! —That somebody puts up a headline, "Educating the Worker." Great heavens, why ? He owns the country already. —That the Irish problem is still a problem. Can a leopard change his spots, an Ethopian his skin or an Irishman his shillelagh? —That the proposed merging of large shipping companies is denied; but the use of this device to raise freights can't be denied. —That the Ministers' Association will hold its annual "quiet day" at Takapuna. Will local residents kindly "shout" in a whisper? —That the gentleman who advertises for an "experienced cutter" forgets that all the experienced cutters (and carvers) are in France. —That a "blouse folder" is advertised for; but when a young gentleman describing himself as a "blouse enfolder" applied for the job he was rejected with scorn. —That £300,000 is to be spent in bonuses to Government employees. Politicians who expect to reach the next general elections hope the beneficiaries will be civil servants now. —That Sir Joseph will give us a metallic telephone circuit round Auckland, Paeroa, Waihi, etc. It is considered that Sir Joseph has decided not. to retire from politics after all. —That the business of overseas M.P.'s at Home is. over. New Zealand soldiers in France expect a speech from Mr Parr at. any moment —but their courage will never forsake them. —That quite a number of eminent citizens wish racing to continue in war time. If a chap's got a horse or so in training, you know—its's a pity to waste oats just because, of a little old war.

—That it would be awfully kind of the daily papers if they wouldn't refer to dead soldiers under "Careers of the Fallen." The battlefield isn't Grey Street, and soldiers are men. —That it is hoped the new movie picture censor will get an adequate salary. He may have to reject nearly a film every six months. What politician is running a candidate for the job? —That, although the mud is very, very deep at Featherston camp, it was surely very, very wrong for the soldiers to say that if they had Colonel Allen there they'd roll him in it. Tut! Tut! —That the gentle Auckland milk vendors who find it. necessary to add harmful preservatives to their milk should be the especial care of the Auckland police—at once! Any need to kill the spring crop of babies? —That a new potato has been called the "Sir James Wilson." What's the matter with altering the name of the schnapper (horrid German word!) to "Entrican"? Gentlemen who take an interest in piscatorial matters deserve some recognition.