THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXVI, Issue 38, 27 May 1916, Page 7

THEY SAY

ti~T x ' a l sro P os the- war, it is Jikely tliat the next ten years of it will be the worst.

—That nearly everybody is wearing khaki, but lots of men are rushing into divorce suits.

—That Auckland lawyers are all notably loyal. Many have a lien tendencies, however.

—That skirts are fuller than ever tins autumn, but most men have only got a war on.

—That an advertiser soulfully remarks:—Wanted: A ladies' cutter. Hie lust for operations!

—lhat although a certain enemy alien doctor was annoyed at being interned he bears his sorrows with patients.

i ~T a lady latel y P ulled her husbands hair in a restaurant. JNow that hair in the soup is accounted for.

—That many men are still getting married to escape war service. 1 hey,'hope to raise a corps of in-hinti-y later.

—That the cost of living havin" gone up about 75 per cent., the cost of dying is to be risen, so the undertakers threaten.

—That a pair of sox knitted by tlie superb Julius Knight lately fetched over £3. Must (have had the customer (by the wool.

XT the game season, JNew Zealand soldiers in France will find French peasants, (as -plump as partridges) very plentiful.

—That Auckland police are so keen on their work that several middle-aged sergeants are taking steps to "arrest falling hair."

—That New Zealand horse soldiers have had a brush with the enemy—but not in New Zealand contract saddles, thank Providence.

—That the White Star Line has paid a dividend of 65 per cent., and could have paid 120 per cent. It must be feeling the loss of steamers badly!

—That Income Tax papers have been circulated, and many of our wealthiest citizens arc getting poverty stricken ones to fill them in, while the taxed ones sign with an A..

—That since the change of mayors at Devonport progress has absolutely leaped. Electric light posts (which are on the footpaths) painted white, so that—er—churchgoers shan't run into them.

—That the young gentleman who recently boxed eighteen hard rounds and explained that lie wasn't a soldier because he was physically unfit is hereby invited into the infants' ward of the children's hospital.

—That there is a deal of satirical suggestion in the fact that British justice in Auckland is dealt out close to Coburg Street. Quite a compliment to our dear, kind relatives in Central Germany. Why not change Queen Street to "Kon ingen Strasse" ?

—That Colonel G. W. S. Patterson, 0.C.D., has opened negotiations with a twelve-year-old bugler to play the next 200 recruits down Queen Street. He perhaps believes that a bugle band of one eleven-year-old boy to 200 men is hardly spectacular enough.

—That the Governor having specially asked Parliament to cut out personalities and get on with the war, those delightful gentlemen are doing it by calling oach other "common brutes" and "miserable curs" and so on. Charming fellows, those cash patriots!

—That the Kut. at Amara was off the j oint—horse j oint.

—That Miss Pankhurst is just the kind of. little party to cause Adela trouble.

—Thai there .is a, strike of clerks in Sydney. , Same iii Auckland. I hey have all struck—a balance. .

—That clergymen are not to enlist. They are to so on fighting their own flesh and blood as "usual.

—That New Zealand soldiers in France will wear steel helmets. They always did show their metal!

—That there is a shortage of lady boot factory hands. And they belong to the "upper" classes, too!

—That a motor cyclist lately rode 18£ miles in 17 minutes. He describes the scenery as magnificent.

—That if one dared one would point out to tlve "Star" that Petrograd" is the name of the Russian capital.

—That if the threatened cardboard famine takes place boot manufacturers may have to fall back on leather.

—That the meat kings of New Zealand are combining for a gigantic enterprise. They have much at steak.

, —That prison warders are to be uniformed in khaki. They can be distinguished' from their guests by the blue cap. '

—That when the. war is over several Kings will be out,- of. a. job— so if anybody has any milking on shares to let out *

—That Parliamentarians want Webb, the soap-box M.P. to enlistbut there isn't a regiment in the service that wants him.

—That the New Zealand Tiinnellers in France are amid "congenial surroundings." In fact, beer is about quarter New Zealand prices.

—That dense fogs have been common in Wellington. The Defence headquarters are there, and it is the official home of Colonel James Allen.

—That a "tucker commission" i.s to "search out cases of exploitation." Sounds as if they were going to reduce their oavA salaries, doesn't it?

—That many M.P.'s attended church service, in "Wellington on a recent Sunday. Among the most , appropriate hymns was "Here we. suffer grief and Payne." *

—That there have hecn hardly any cases of peculation by public servants for nearly 24 hours. The morality of the service is evidently being improved by the war.

—That the sale of alcohol is "paralysing the national resources of France." This is the alcohol the New Zealand prohibitionist declares France abolished a year ago.

—That when an alleged "recruiter" demands to know what reason a blind man with one leg has for refusing to enlist he should be promoted to a mayoralty at once.

—That bread in Tasmania is OJd a loafj in new Zealand 9d. The uason for the New Zealand superiority is that the New Zealand Gov«rnmen is so fond of "commissions.''

—That the Board of Trade is sitting in Auckland. It is enquiring into the cost of living, and it finds that being a Board of Trade helps a fellow nicely over the war, thank you.

—That a knowledge of the French language is not common to New Zealand, but, apropos of Ncav Zealand soldiers in France, "La langue dcs beaux yeaux"—ah, it is so simple!

—That returned soldiers are not permitted to do guards over German prisoners. The jobs are wanted for young men who will later boast that they have been "on active service."

—That for a medical men without specially brilliant attainments 1o be promoted to a majority after four months' service in the N.Z.M.C. is just about as brisk as the best politician can make it.