FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XVIII, Issue 1023, 6 August 1898, Page 5

FRETFUL PORCUPINE

The directors sat in solemn conclave." They were face to face with an ominous and serious situation. The auditor who was called in as the result of a former meeting had submitted his report. It waa as the directors had feared— startling •discrepancies or deficiencies. Perhaps £1500 would represent the monies not accounted for. "Whole pageß, too, were missing from the books. ' There must be some mistake, maintained the manager. Wonld the directors permit another audit to be made by an accountant whom be would nominate ? Thia sounded fair enough. The second accountant was called in. The examination would occupy several days. Might he take the books home with him ? This also seemed to be a reasonable request. It did not occur to anybody that it , would be imprudent to let the books go ont of their poaßesaion. . Home the second accountant carried the i booka. But he never carried them back again. The second accountant a house waa mysteriously destroyed by fire. The booka, being in the house, were destroyed also. Strangest of all, the house burnt down was owned by tbe brother of the company's manager. And the ' elect,' of whom the manager ia one, went down on their kneea and prayed. The hand of the Lord, they said, was in that fire.

It was carrying the war into the enemy's camp with a vengeance for Mr Edmund Bell, the President of our very own National Aas., to address the Bingle-taxers on taxation in New Zealand. Mr Bell is said to have spoken ont very straight, and naturally rapped it into the Government aa much as possible. But to reduce customs duties to a revenue basis, and to make np the deficiency by increasing the tax on incomes, does not savour of the National Ass. stable.

It will be news to a great many people to learn that the Bank of New Zealand pays £15,000 per annum for wages in connection with the various trading concerns nnder its management. ' Would you have these trading concerns- Bhut up ?' asks an indignant correspondent in reference to a recent article in the Obseeveb. No, not shut up, perhaps, but we would like to see them in the hands of private individuals. The aame amount of money would still be paid in wages, and probably more.

It ia about time that the variouß items in the expenditure of several companies and public bodies we could name should be more closely looked into by auditors. Several illegally-constituted meetings have been held at which business was transacted. This, ot course could not, if questioned, hold good as the conducting of legal business. Directors have accepted payment for presiding at meetings improperly called in some instances, and lacking quorums in others. Generally, things have been conducted in a very loose style.

A funny incident occurred at the last meeting of the Auckland Education Board. One of the members was discoursing on the evils of intemperance, and referred to the temptations placed in the way of members of clubs. ' Some of these so-called clubs have been the ruin of many working men,' he said, ' and some of these places are hells on earth,' or words to that effect. This raised the ire of one of the reporters present. He did not intend to remain quiet and hear working men's clubs maligned. And he astonished the members of the Board by jumping to his feet and asking what abont the aristocratic clubs, where there waß just aa much drinking, and where a certain gentleman waß discovered with cards up his sleeve ? This was a canlker for the Board. The members roared with laughter as the indignant pressman resumed his Beat with the remark : 'It doesn't do to let them have it all their own way 1'

Is there to be a reconstruction of a certain mining company when the gentleman returns from the New South Wales capital? It was not unexpected, as the shareholders who rushed madly for contributing shares could not possibly have believed they could Btand the milking process for ever. However, experience teaches fools, and shareholders Bhonld always make a few inquiries about the future, especiaily when all the other crowd are on velvet.

Wbat was wrong with the dacriptiv lecturer at a kinematograph entertainment given in Auckland recently ? When the andience are informed that the next solo will be a band selection, that a troop of military horses are ' negr«es bathing,' and that a sacred song is a piccolo solo by Mendelsohn— well, let us charitably put it down to the weather.

Another baker haa filed his schedule because of the low price of bread. But is the price of bread not in the hands of the bakers ? The customer is not allowed to fix it.

What ia the little game on foot concerning the repreaentation of the Devonport Borough Council on the Harbour Board. The Mayor of the borough haa consented to take the position. This would unseat Mr Niccol, who is the Chairman of the Board, and who holdß his Beat there as a representative of the Devonport borough. Is there a purpose in it? Are the Witheford supporters strengthening their position ? Of course it does seem anomalous that the chief opposition to the Calliope Dock and Admiralty Bcheme.whioh means so mnch to Devonport, should come from the Devonport representative on the f Harbour Board,

Who waa the exhibitor at the recent ponltry show who tried to ' nobble ' the judge ? The Obsebveb has an idea that it could name the man. But Mr Dacre, though he listened intently, only smiled when suppositious statements as to what benefits could be derived by ah • obliging ' judge were made. 'He smiled a smole and thought fa think, but nary a word said he.' And thus what promised to prove a decidedly interesting interview came, to a termination.

The Editor:' Sir,— Leßt your paragraph in last week's issae of the Obsebveb should lead to a misapprehension, allow me to state there is no truth whatever in the statement that I want our headmaster removed. He is a good, capable teacher, and one whose example is a living object lesson to our scholars. In certain complaints made by a parent, I could not agree with tbe action of the other members of committee, and I thought our headmaster was wrong in one or two instances. All the other members of committee thought otherwise, bnt I feel quite sure if a change were made in the head mastership of tbe Remuera Sohool, we should get a less capable man than our present master (Mr Herlot).— l am, yours truly,. Jas. M. Lennox, Chairman Remuera Sohool Committee.

The tenders of the musical gentlemen, written to in connection, with taking in hand the conducting at Exhibition concerts seemed to astonish the committee. ■Ninety guineas was considered to be a pretty stiff price to pay these dull times. But there must necessarily be a good deal • of hard work in connection with the buainesa. There' was a difference of twenty guineas in the tender prices of two leading conductors.

. The Commissioner says that some of the men in the police force are mentally unfit. Does he mean to insinuate that some of them are ' a shingle short ?'

It occurred out Ponaonby way. He had proposed, had been accepted, and had arranged the matter with mater. Bnt pa stood in the path. 'Go to him, my boy,' said the mother, encouragingly, ' and ask hia consent.' In a few momenta the lover returned. His face told an eloquent tale of non-BUCceBB. 'What did he Bay?" queried the anxious mother. 'He wouldn't hear of it at all,' was the reply, 1 swore and threatened to kick me downstairs, and wound up by telling me to go to the devil.' ' And then ?' said ma. • And then,' he continued ' then I came to you.' Now tbe engagement is off I

The world's greatest statesmen are gradually passing away. Gladstone is dead and gone, Bismarck is also dead, and J. M. Shera is not feeling very well himself.

The unsophisticated Bakewell, in one of his amusing letters to the presß, takes the colonial public into hia confidence, thualy : ' Pray excuse the prolixity of this letter : I feel bound to be dull, as I am writing on Sunday.' Fancy, the doctor being dull 1 Why, he could ' create a soul even nnder the ribs of death.'

It was during the hearing of the Hughes v. Boak land dispute the other day. Mr Campbell, for Hughes, was putting in documents in reference to the original Crown grant in the effort to establish, the case. One document bore the alleged signature of the late Mr M&ston, solicitor. Mr Adam Brock was called to swear to the signature. Mr Campbell: You were clerk to the late Mr Marston ? Mr Brock: Iwaß.Mr Campbell : You know his signature, and can readily swear to it ? Mr Brock : 1 can. Mr Campbell : Now look at the signature on this document. It is the signature of the late Mr Marston, is it not ? Mr Brock (looking) : I cannot swear that it is. It does not look like Mr Marston'B signature. It iB in a heavier hand writing. The Court looked startled. Mr Campbell did not presß the point further. But if that signature waß not Mr Marston's whose was it ? Editor Obseeveb: Sir— , The people of Auckland are ander a debt of gratitude to you for the completeness of your exposure of the tramway and electric lighting schemes, and there is not the slightest doubt that the publication of the facta in connection with the latter was both opportune and effective. Would that the other papers in the colony followed your example, kept an argus eye on all matters pertaining to the welfare or disadvantage of a municipality, and approving or condemning as the circumstances warranted. Were this done, I am satisfied that the days of municipal jobbery would be past. You have .in this direction Bhown an example to the rest of the colony. — I am, etc., Honesty.

Some of the details in connection with the termination of a scholarship held by a Maori scholar at St. Stephen's School, and diseased in committee at the meeting of the Auckland Grammar School Board, have been related to us. The charge against the lad waß that of theft, but as the accused and several other lads deposited their money in the one desk, might not a mistake have been made? The inquiry, if such it can be called, by the Board must have been a one-sided one, anyhow, for we do not read of the scholar being present or represented. It is a serious matter to him, and that being the case, the Board Bhould have en* quired into all the circumstances before terminating a hard-earned scholarship.

Mr W. W. Collins writes as follows :— Permit me to state that there ia not a word of truth in the paragraph which appeared in the laat iaaue of your nsually accurate paper to the effect that ' I have an eye to one of the Auckland seats.' Immediately after my defeat in tho contest of 1896 I announced my candidature for the next. general election, and nothing wonld induce or persuade me to relinquish my efforts to regain my old position as one of the representatives in Parliament for Christchnrch City, a position I have always felt I had done nothing to forfeit, and which I feel assured another contest will retarn tp me,

The spirit of philanthropy, ia abroad oh the Auckland Exchange.- You can aell shares there at five shillings in the fnll and certain hope that the broker will pay yon 5/6 for them and aak for no. commission. What is the little game at all, at all ? What became of the elderly quartette who had been partaking of several convivial glasßeß at 'the club' the other evening ? It was a touching Bight . to see fonr highly-respected citizens on the hi-tiddly-hi-ti. The . interesting scenes enacted when the hnbbiea reached the bosom of their respective families mnst have accounted for the gloom that had settled on tbeir faces on the following day. It's always safest to take a cab, for, as the leader of the party now nndcratands, ' cabby knows hia faze.'

The profits of the drapery business mast be fat when two local haberdashera can afford to run 'little Bethels ' at their own cost. The opposition draper has trumped the Central by, having a steeple and bell, which knocks the other clean out, and he isn't 'in it,' far, as another William says, ' Now, by St. Eichard, the work goes bravely on.' There is a quaint blending of religion and business in the announcement that the latest donor has constituted himself sole trnstee, and expresses his determination to ' run the Bhow.' Richard no doubt thinks now that if he had ' Our Only Staff Officer ' the bill would be completely filled.

It would be well if the exact dates of certain payments into and withdrawals from a certain mining company's . banking account could be ascertained beyond doubt. A certain trip to England intervened, and the books were in somebody else's care. Mistakes certainly were made, but bo far the 'other party' has been kept well in the background.

It was after a ' business meeting ' of the clnb had concluded. - There waa a good deal of the ' Linger longer, Loo,' style about the company, and at last they* became slightly elevated. Three Aackland residents, who usually comport themselves with Seat dignity, made a short cat by means of c banisters, and nearly fractured their skulls at the bottom. The fourth — well, aa the Bong saya, 'We ain't agoing to tell !'

He is the worthy engineer of a coastal steamer, and a rattling good sort of fellow. Bnt Fortune has never smiled upou him as Bhe might — not that she has been unkind — but her smiles have not been too sunny. However, all that is changed. Fortune grinned a broad grin at our friend the other day. He felt that grin in the form of a gift of twins. Twice blessed man, he ia the envy of his comrades. Bat he has sulkily turned his back upon playful Fortune. His family cradle is only a single atall one, and he will have to go to the expenae of altering the family pram. Fortune. is too much given to playing larks on people, he says.

FrasT Ponsonby Besident: Did you see me at the funeral yesterday ? They say I looked well in my new bell-topper. _„.,_, „„ Second Ponsonby Besident : Funeral be jiggered. Look here, my good fellow, if you died to-morrow it'B a mighty poor fnneral you d have.