"Pars" About People.

Observer, Volume XVIII, Issue 1017, 25 June 1898, Page 6

"Pars" About People.

Captain ;Pbbcy "Bull, who left theEs.s. Westralia at this port and returned to Sydney, has retired from the sea for the present. He is to remain ashore and fill the responsible position of ship's husband to the Huddart Parker fleet. In the twelve months since he entered npon the New Zealand trade, Captain Ball has made hundreds of warm friends in the coastal ports he has visited, and he and hia ship have become very popular. Indeed, the worthy skipper's genial, unftßauming, and genuine personality unconsciously makes friends for him wherever he goes. While his friends will regret to lose him, they will, nevertheless, be glad to hear of hia promotion. William McCullough paid the Observes an unintentional compliment when he said the whole trouble about the Laishley Autobiography pamphlet was caused through the thing getting into the newspapers. Seeing that the only paper , the ' thing ' got into was the Ub server, and seeing also that £133 of the public money was being squandered to advertise Ut Laiehley and gratify his vanity, the Obsebveb has reason to be prond of the compliment conveyed in Mr McCullough's confession. If we understand the Honorable William aright, he thinks the harm is not in the perpetration of a job so much as in the newspapers getting wind of the job and making it public. Sir Walter Boiler has given John McKenzie a rest and started on Dick Seddon. His delicate attentions have taken the form of a libel action, and Stout's the lawyer who has been engaged to tear Dick to pieces-. Won't he enjoy the pastime ! It isn't very clear just yet in what way the Premier has libelled Sir Walter, but these two have not been swapping compliments for some time past. The appointment of Mr and Mrs Hendre as master and matron of the Coatley Home for Boys waß a very sensible choice. They are both very well qualified for the discharge of the duties required of them, and ought to give every satisfaction. We take it that Mra Hendre will see the wisdom of giving up active politics. They don't pay at the best, and it would not be prudent to quarrel with a comfortable position such as the one she is in, and ifklob she is so well able to fill, simply to gratify a natural inclination towards the exciting but unsatisfactory game of politics.

They are laughing just now on the ferry steamers concerning an awkward fix into which a well-known prohibitionist got hhnaelf the other day. Going to the Shore by the late night boat, he bought a single ticket, whicn was not collected from him before he left the steamer. Next morning, after travelling acrosß to town, he tendered the ticket of the night before to the man at the gates. Bat the man only smiled. ' What's the matter ?' inquired the prohibition gentleman. 'Yesterday's ticket— won't do,' was the laconic reply. 'Oh, yea,' stammered the prohibition gentleman, ' bo it is. Must have lost the other one. Where can I bny a fresh ticket ?' They showed him the ticket; office window, and he paid up his fonrpence like a man and a prohibitionist.

Albert Lucas tells the Bulletin an anecdote of Bemenyi, who was a great artist and a great boasterr and particularly proud of being Hungarian. Lucas was at an hotel in Johannesburg when the violinist came in and introduced himself thusly : 'I, Remenyi, artist, musician, Hungarian.' Whereupon Lucas struck an attitude, and exclaimed : 'I, Lncaß, actor, artist, thirsty.' Bemenyi took the hint, and they drank.

Mr G-. M. Heed's efforts to introduce reforms in the Charitable Aid Board's 'system of distributing relief have been defeated. The majority of the Board didn't want any reform, and the only result of Mr Seed's crnaade haa been to perpetuate the present system and benefit Strathern by finding a billet for his wife as well as himßelf. But the action of the Board finds no sympathy with the general public, and the Board being amenable in some degree to publio opinion, . it may safely be reckoned that the reforms are postponed wither than defeated. Time will tell.

Frank La wry Bays the police force of New Zealand is the best in the world. He hasn't Been any other police than the Maoriland one, but that doesn't matter. Frank's pride in the force is attributed to the fact that he has had a big hand in appointing it since he became a politician, ana it would be an odd thing if he was not proud of his own handiwork.

Mrs Parnell, whose death under Bad circumstances ia reported, was ligbthearted to the last notwithstanding her troubles, which would have crashed many another woman. When sitting for her portrait* a couple of years ago the artist, while sketching her face, asked Mrs Parnell to shut her mouth. With a laugh and a twinkle she answered, 'It is unnatural for me, and it is almost impossible for any woman to do that.'

The Coastguard Artillery's commander (Captain Napier) is 5 feet 6 inches, and the lieutenant (Mr Rußsell) is 6 feet 6 inches in height. That's the long and the short of it.

Where on earth is Mr L. W. Cooke, formerly of Otorohangar? His frienda are advertising that he has come in for a large snm of money, bat the news does not seem to stir up the fortunate Cooke. Any ordinary man, under similar circumstances, would be taking out a prohibition order againat himself and convening his friends to a, ginger-ale supper, but Cooke ia not an ordinary man. He is extraordinary. Possibly, though, he doesn't read the newspapers.

AN OLD-TIME CRACK THREE-QUARTEB. An ex-Gisborne man who is now a resident of Auckland tells a good one Recently, he met a new arrival from Grisborne, a farmer's son, who was in anxious search of something to do= So anxious was he that he declared he would go mad if he did not succeed. The ex-Gisbornite made enquiries and got him a job worth ten or eleven shillings a day. To his astonishment, however, the new-comer did not jump at the opportunity. He required to know first something about his prospective workmates, whether they were gentlemen, and what were their nationalities. That job went elsewhere.

So Mr Prank Lawry is the editor of the Licensed Victuallers' Gazette. No wonder he makes snch a vigorous fight for beer. It keeps him in Parliament and has established him in journalism. Mr Huddart is said to have been hit very hard over the "Vancouver service which he was recently jockeyed out of. It iB reckoned that his interest in the HuddartParker Steamßhip Company was worth more than £40,000, and all this he is understood to have put into the Vancouver service, only to lobo it. Huddart was a smart man, but this time he got in with a crowd much cleverer than himself

Tarns about the G.O.M. are beginning to circulate. Here is one of them : — Gladstone had been cutting down a tree in the presence of a large concourse of people, including many ' cheap-trippers.' When the tree had fallen, and the eminent woodman and his family were retiring, there was a rash for the chips. One of the 'trippers ' secured a big piece and exclaimed, ' Hey, lads, when I die this shall go in my coffin !' Then up spake his wife, a shrewd, motherly old woman, with a merry twinkle in her eye. Quoth she — ' Sam, lad, if thou'd worship - God as thon worships Gladstone, thou'd stand a better chance of going where thy chip woaldna born.'- > , .

MrLawry boasts of the fact that it >aB been laid down that no young woman will be taken on in the telephone or telegraph office unlesß she ib the daughter of a widow in indigent .circumstances. But is this not very unfair to girls in indigent circumstances whose mothers are not widows or who have no mothers at all ? ' Eev. Joseph Parker lectured the Berea-ford-atreet Congregationalis ts the other night on 'Japhet in .Search of a: Wife,' since which time there has been a big augmentation of the congregation' by eligible young women! We are afraid they are taking, the reverend gentleman too seriously. ■ ' . Neville Forder is still sub-editor of " Sydney TrutJi, &ni on the memorable day when Truth's editor, John Norton, won the Fitzroy Beat it was a sight to remember to see Neville here, there and everywhere, - with a knot; of electors around him, denouncing in vehement terms the Beid Government and its corrupt practices and expounding his reasons why John Norton should be given a show to flesh hia knife in the condemned carcase of the Government. John Norton has got his showl Stipendiary Magistrate Northcroft says he has seen a police first-class inspector drjipk on the coach between Te Aroha and Botokohn. Incredible. Police inspectors never get drunk. They only suffer from explosive bronchial catarrh. Commissioner Tunbridge, if we may judge by the trend of some of bis questions before the Police Commission, does not believe that gaol is the place for immoral women and persons addicted to drunkenness. Many people will agree with him there. Such people should be reformed rattier than punished. Who was the city councillor who refused a sweetener of fifty sovereigns in connection with the tramway negotiations ? Also, who were the parties who placed the sovereigns on his table, and what was the purpose they had in view ? Adolph Kohn was one of the local citizens who received the Spanish circular offering to disclose the existence of buried treasure a few miles out of Auckland city, and asking him to undertake the guardianship of a beautiful Spanish maiden. ' The girl was supposed to be the daughter of che writer, and the writer himself was supposed to be in prison, and Adolph was invited to Bend funds to release the papers concerning the ' treasure, and bring the - girl to Auckland. Needless to say he didn't. He wanted to see the young lady in the flesh and blood before he paid his money. John Bdson, the well-known chemist, also received a. circular, but he reckons he has tamily enough of his own without investing capital in Spanish maidens. Neither was he taking stock in buried treasure. Wesley Spragg, according to the Star's London correspondent, has gone to Paris for a few days' dissipation. ' Alas, my friends, where are we all going to ?' Let's hope, however, that J. H. Witheford is not showing him round. Sister Francis writes to the Star to say that she cannot understand how it is possible for the Hon. William Jennings and Labour Inspector Ferguson to vouch — and that on oath— to the chastity of the three thousand and odd factory girls in Auckland. It's beyond us altogether. W. Warbrick, the well-known footballer, is the proprietor of the baths . and boating sheds at Lavender Bay, Sydney, and is coining money. ' Here's luck I' Premier Seddon is explaining through the press correspondents that he went to Akaroa by the Government steamer Hinemoa to save the country the fare by Union Steamship Company steamer. Either the Hinemoa is being run just now at no cost at all, or else the Union Company's fare between Wellington and Akaroa must be an almighty big one. It is said that Mrs Woodloch, now awaiting trial on a charge of fraudulent practices towards her creditors, assumes all the airs of a 'saved* Weß'eyan, and makes a rigid point of attending chapel in every to«vn the pair and their son strike during their peregrinations. By-the-way, there is more than one goody-goody Wesleyan amongst her creditors. Maui Wi Pomare, a half-caste native from the Manawatu, is one of the medical Btudents at Battle Creek, Michigan. The story goes that as an antidote to the dry-as-dust science of the dissecting room, Pomare gives his fellow-students an occasional up-to-date Maori hafea, with a touch of the war dance to wind it up, and then the other fellows thirst for gore, and .go out and imagine that- the nearest icecream shop ia a Spanish port, and smash the sign-board and play up all round as twenty-five-carat warriors.

'Dr' Laishley' was once a Bmart. little assistant in an Auckland ; grocery store. But that"waa some' few.'yeara before 'the Germans -discovered what , a profoundly learned man he was, and conferred a title; on him. '•■:'■. '/■ ,"" --. '•.■'•,'/ '.' ' ' ' '' • ' The average ppliceman may. take some consolation for his harrowed feelings, 'after the. Police . Commission, from the sentiment of Josh Billings that 'abuse iz safe, for if a man deserves it* it may do him sum good ; and if he don't deserve it, thare iz nothing so good for him.' W. H. Churton catches it hot from 'the Wellington Guardian on account of the reallotment of scrip to shareholders. The Guardian has seen an envelope containing the circular inviting fenders for the shares bearing the Auckland post-mark of 28th May, which shows that it was not pat into the post until two days after the date of the circular. The post-mark of the Wellington office is 31st May, and the circular, in the ordinary course, reached the recipient the first thing on the morning of let June. This proves that it could not have reached Wellington until after the time for lodgment, of tenders had expired, namely, noon of the 31st; of May. The consequence was that the recipient lost the opportunity of tendering for any of the 888 shares offered. Ethel Humphries has had a somewhat unique experience in matrimony. She appeared as a six weeks' bride before the Invercargill magistrates to claim maintenance from her husband, George, who had contributed a total of eighteenpenoe to her maintenance from the wedding-day till the isßne of the summons; George reckoned a wife was an expensive luxury ha conld afford to do without, and, aided by his mother's tongue and parasol, he opposed the bride's demands. But George found, like many a better man before him, that it is not so easy to get out of the matrimonial noose as it is to get in. The authorities were willing enough that he should put aw&y his wife if he choose, but. they aho laid it down that he must also put away twelve shillings a week for her maintenance.

jit wan Arthur Edwards, an bldPonaonby boy" now in, Sydney, who invented the bijoycle that recently broke the world's record. At the present time, negotiations , are far advanced for the sale of an eighth of hie patent for £5000, which looks as if. he is going to make money out of it. By the way, Arthur Edwards is an elder brother of Mr C. Edwards, the well-known local schoolmaster. The late Joseph LlcMnllen Dargaville, who in the mid-eighties Bhared with 'Tom' Fergus the beanty championship of Maoriland House' of Representatives, once made art attack upon Premier Atkinson and his colleagues with regard to the Bank of New Zealand. He compared Atkinson to Poloniua, and then, waving bis hand with scornful comprehensiveness: along the whole Ministerial bench, added— he was a great stickler for the proper Latin plural wais Dargaville — ' These Polonii !' This brought ' Jack ' Kerr —to whom the illusion was incomprehensible — to his gouty feet with a point of order. .' May I ast, Mr Speaker,' he croaked, ' if me annerable fri'nd is in ordher in referring to the Mimbers of the Government as polonies ?' — Bulletin. Sergeant Scully is a beauty. Wanting a bottle of gin, and not wanting to pay for it, he stole on tiptoe into the bar of a hotel at Alexandra when the landlady was out. But the landlady had her eye on the bar all the same, and saw Scully,, and now Scully is no longer a member of the police force. Perhaps we shall have him petitioning the House this session for compensation. By-the-way, the Police Commission would almost find it sufficient to sit down with its hands in its lap and let the secretary record the police achievements from the daily paperß. They would get at the truth of things better then than by examining witnesses who don't want to tell -what they know, and who wouldn't be allowed by the police to tell it if they were bo inclined. There is only one Official Catalogue for the coming Auckland Industrial and Mining Exhibition, and Geddis and Blomfield have the Bole rights to it.