TAURANGA.

Observer, Volume XVI, Issue 947, 20 February 1897, Page 22

TAURANGA.

Who is the man who came home from Waibi with a sprained ankle and long physog ?. . We were most glad to welcome back our most genial friend J K once more. His friends of the Strand were happy to see his smiling face agam... Mrs M wishes to inquire whether S D prefers selling lollies to horsedealing ?..Cl loves the Gate Pah Eoad. What is the attraction — the school teacher or the Endeavour?.. Lost, a red visaged masher. Eeward on returning same to MJ. Last seen crossing the Wairoa bridge. .What makes F L and Nlt hang fire ? are they waiting for the boom ?..JJ is waiting anxiously for M B to go to Auckland, as the tooth biz. is slack. What will the Sydney girl say?. . What will D A say, L B, witen he hears of your Sundaywalks with the toff ?... Didn't M W and D L have some fun with the boys before they left for Auckland rt . Who sang ' I don't want to play in your yard ?' Quite a teminine voice, so says the public. . A H, of Pongakawa, does it nicely with H A on Sunday evenings. .J K looks as if he has given F G the cold shoulder. .E W look 3 all right now" since D J has come home. .What takes J F out to the jubilee pump bo often nowadays ? Jubilee pump every time... A S looks happy since W B has been walking her around.

.. There is a Chinaman down at Palmerston North who is perfectly, convinced that 'marriage is a failure:' After six years' experience of it he applied for an order of separation from hie- wife Eliza. He said hie better half's periodical desertions from hearth and home were more easily borne than the periodical assaults she inflicted upon him. The Bench was sympathetic, and granted the order. . ■ The servant girl, God bless her, affords one wives and womenkind many a happy '. hour of conversation, for Mary Ann's sins and wickednesses are a continual feast. But occasionally one hears .a story on the j other side which makes one smile a few. Here is one concerning that most wretched of bondswomen, that servant without a servant's privileges, the lady help. A wellknown' society dame of — no, her whereabouts shall not be divulged — advertised recently for a ' useful companion,' who was to be domestic, musical, an early riser, of good appearance, and to have experience in nursing. The advertisement concluded 'No salary; comfortable home.! -Two days passed, and the paragon of domestic virtue failed to show up. Perhaps the brilliance of the prospects dazzled her. The lady was disappointed and kept on saying so, so when on the third morning a hamper arrived in the middle of breakfast addressed to her, her busband breathed a heartfelt prayer of gratitude to heaven. 'It may,' he whispered, • change the subject.' The basket, being opened amid much excitement, was found to contain a large tabby cat and the following note : — ' Madam, in answer to jour advertisement. I have the honour to supply you a useful companion. She is domestic, and as you will admit before she has been with you twenty-four hours, both a good vocalist, and an early riser. She is of an amiable disposition, is of good appearance, she has had excellent experience as a nurse, being most regular with her kittens and always bringing up large families. I need scarcely add that she is a total abstainer, she expects no salary, but will thank you for a comfortable home.' -A suburban publican gave a little ' birthday ' party on a recent Sunday evening. The guests enjoyed themselves so well that the host became anxious lest, when they were leaving, they should give him away So he said to his Irish new chum ' rouse-about,' just before the party broke up, ' Now, Tim, just slip outside and see if the sergeant is anywhere about ' Off Tim started, and in about 10 minutes' time he actually returned with a constable, brought him bang into the room where the company, and Mr Publican were having a ' dhoc-an dorish,' and proudly said to his astounded boss : 'Oi couldn't foind the sargint, sorbut begorra Oi shpotted Constable O,Rourke meandherin' about and Oi pershuaded him to come along instead. Sit down, Mishtur O' Bourke ; it's alittle jollificashun we're havin' here t'night you'll notice !' Tim got his ' notice ' there and then, of course, but the wonder is the company didn't run him out and drown him in the gutter.

Those who require to use Spectacles will find a very large assortment to suit almost any sight at Miller's Fancy Repository, 110, Victoria-street. Prices to suit any pocket, viz , 6d, 9d, 1/- and 1/6 per pair ; Real English. Pebbles, 3/9 per pair. Coloured Spectacles for sun and dust, 6d and 1/- per pair, Bent poßt free to any address in New Zealand. Anyone mentioning this paper when purchasing or sending will have a case value for 6d presented to, him. — Advt.