Pars About PEOPLE
Staxlaxb Henry Batson is a remittance man of apparently expensive tastes. He arrived here in 1894. and, although Lord Rowford — whoever he may be— furnished a cottage for him. and his aristocratic relatives in England sent him oat about £12 a month, he could not exist on so paltry an income, and therefore got into debt to the tune of £312, which is not at all bad as a two years' record. Moreover, Mr Batson has followed no occupation since he came to the colony, and presumably he has no assets,- seeing that Lord Bowford's thnmb rests on the furniture. Mr Fowlds had a rather humorous audience to deal with at his last meeting in the Ponsonby Hall. Plenty of clucking and crowing and other ' fowl ' noises went on from time to time. But it was off one of the candidate's supporters that the jokers scored most heavily. He was speaking to the motion of thanks, and said, 'Now let me take two or three pints.' Whereupon a voice from the gallery roared out, ' One pint at a time, old man, is quite enough ; go slow.' This rather shook up the orator, and with a gasp he proceeded to say, ' I think you will admit that Mr Fowlds has proved himself to be ' ' A rooster,' yelled out the wag upstairs, and the house exploded in laughter.
Wife of Mr Alfred "Weippert, photo, enlargement specialist, of St. George's Bay Road ; winner of house and grounds, worth £150, in the Eight Art Union. One of Auckland's candidates is ?>u'»«s an arm, arid another has but one eye Still he has that eye steadily fixed on the honorarium, and the other man made a stout fight. ' Pbseton ' confesses in Saturday's Herald that an invitation to viait Tom Morrin at Wellington Park ia always hailed by the sporting critic with feelings akin to delight. Candid Archie ; what's your tipple ? And when does the sale of ' the young quadrupeds ' come off? Anyhow, the account given of that visit to Wellington Park is really too precious to be missed. All the interesting horaey gossip that Tom Morrin had treasured np for his faithful scribe is truthfully recorded Take this delicious morsel as a sample of the rest : — 'As we stood admiring Cissy's colfc, Mr Morrin told me that np to a few days previously Frailty, with ber foal by Hotchkis?, had been located in the same enclosure as . her daughter, but Cissy's foal having adopted the unusual course of sucking his granddam, the latter, though apparently quite willing to allow her grandson some of the lacteal fluid, had to be shifted.' How interesting, and yet how sad !
Mr W. J. Napier has had a torn of very serious illness. His affliction is said, to be a very comprehensive one, embracing influenza, pleuriay and congestion of the lunge, but we hear that he is now progressing rapidly towards recovery. ■ Mr Bntton was addressing the electorsoutside the Free Public Library on Thursi day evening when the clock began to chime. ' Oh,' said Mr Button, interrupted in his argument, ' someone else is speaking' ndw.' \Yea,' cried a wag of an elector, ' and he is speaking the truth.' When Dr. Ullathorne, formerly wellknown in Australia, was Catholic Bishop of Birmingham, a young cleric came to him with : ' Tour Grace, I find I cannot conscientiously go on with my priestly functions.' Ullathorne: 'Who is she?' Dr Bakewell informs the public that ' of the drinking that went on before election day, I can only say that it far exceeded anything I have ever seen in the colony before.' But where has the doctor been r anyhow? Surely not in the path of temptation ? Scobie Mackenzie has quite a large fcitfnl of pointß of order to take with him to Wellington next session to shy at Speaker O'Rorke. He has been living on Brskine May, Bourinot, and other Parliamentary authorities for some time past. ' Faylix ' McGuire has proved too tough a nut for the Premier to crack. All those long railway journeys to the enemy's country, and all those fiery speeches at Inglewood, Stratford and other places in the garden of New Zealand, failed to put the ' comether ' upon Faylix at Hawera. Erin-go-Bragh ! Mr Sam A. Brown, of Glevedon, has arrived at the conclusion that now the new year is so cloße at hand, the farmers should ' get some new thoughts to think.' Samuel himself appears to be hard-up for something to think about, and so he writes to the papers. That is usually the way with people whose ideas are played oat. Still there are a good many people in this community who are doing a lot of hard thinking at present. It chiefly runs in the direction of raising the wind to pay their mining calls. • 8 » »*• .*. The friends of Mr Andrew Hanna will be interested to learn that he has retired fiom the firm of Buddie, Button and Co., and has commenced the practice of his profession of barrister and solicitor in chambers on the ground floor of the premises at the corner of Swaneon and Queen-streets. Mr Hanna enters into business on his own account with the brightest of prospects. He is a young Ancklander, and as such is well-known and deservedly esteemed^ while his professional career haa already been an exceptionally successful one. He has grown up from boyhood in Auckland, and has won the high regard of all classes of the community by his thorough integrity and his professional acumen. While connected with the firm of Button and Buddie, he has ' had to carry on a large share of an extensive and highlydiversified practice, and the experience he has gained thereby will prove of the utmost value to his future clients. • • • • « • • ■ « A local firm of coach builders entertained its employees at a wedding dinner the other evening, and the newspapers in recording the event state that a number of toasts were drunk in non-intoxicatii g bumpers. Bumpers, eh ? Just imagine bumpers of raspberry syrup and gingerpop. «•. Recently, a female resident took her son, age 19, to Doctor Wilkins. For Borne time back he had been suffering from partial paralysis of the lower extremities, which i was gradually getting bo much worse that he had great difficulty in walking short distances, and was obliged to give up his billet- Dr Wilkins, believing the paralysis resulted from spinal mischief, had the youth's clothes removed, when he immediately saw a tumour the size of a large cocoanut sitnattd at the bottom of the spine. It bad been sfhall at birth, but now was as large as described. It was a case of ppina bifida, which really means a hole from birth in the spinal column from deficiency of part of the bone structure, or, in a word, a freak of nature. The result to the child is a tumour varying in size from a walnut to a child's head, situated mostly in the lower part of the spine. The tumour is distended by fluids from the brain and ppinal column. Pressure upon the tumour forces the fluid back "again into the column and brain ; a little continued pressure causes insensibility from its action upon the brain. The patient may live to adult age. It is usnally fatal, the child dying of convulsions, or of something equally as bad. In this case, the trouble might have been cured in childhood, but no attempt was made in that direction. Dr Wilkins undertook the cate, and has effected a complete cure, the only apparent weakness remaining beit g in one leg, which is gradually strengthening. The youth has resumed his occupation again, and both the woman and her eon are very gratified to the doctor.
'Do you believe in the bare majority ?' Mr Hose was asked at an election meeting in the Marterton district. ' No,' thundered Hogg in a voice loud enough to be heard from end to end of the Forty Mile Bush, 4 I don't believe in the bare anything. Everything 'ought to be decently clothed.'
Two men who entered one of the city polling booths at the same moment on Friday were astounded to find that they had been • personated ' hours previously, their votes having been recorded for them in their absence by somebody unknown. Truth to tell, there were a lot of people jockeyed out of their votes on Friday.
Noblesse oblige. So Chief Justice Prendergast thinks when he remembers how the chimney of his house in Wellington took fire the other day, and contemplates the prospect of being haled before an ordinary Police Magistrate, check by jowl witn common Bill Smith, for off ending against the municipal by-law.
Rev. G. H. Garland has apologised to the New Plymouth publicans for unfounded charges which he made and could not prove. G. H. is sorry now that he spoke. But, after all, nothing does the temperance cause so much harm as these reckless statements that cannot be proved when it comes to a pinch. Too many persons of the Garland kidney think the hotelkeeper fair game to be abased or slandered, when the opportunity offers itself to them. Would they think it fair if the publican slandered them and their friends so glibly and with such utter recklessness ?
Mr C. E. Major, of Hawera, has formed a very poor opinion of human nature since he waa defeated for the Mayoralty. At the declaration of his poll, he said 'he had calculated on a majority of 100 at least. It had been said that " all men areliara," bnt he would not like to include women in that category. He did not say that all men were liare, but he must say that a good many of them were.' Since then, he has also been defeated for the House, and you may safely bet that Major is now prepared to swear that ' all men are liars.
Dr. Newman, who has jast been thrust into outer darkness at Otaki, was denouncing the sin of gambling afc one of his election meetings, when a knowing elector asked him, ' Now, doctor, is it not a f tcb that yon pat a pound on the totalisator at the Otaki races last week ?' Afber a blush and a smile the doctor admitted the impeachment, saying, ' Well, yon know, everyone likes to have a little on.' 'And, doctor, what is your opinion on raffling at Church bazaars ?' came the next puzzle. Quick was the reply, ' Oh, they, as a rule pay very poor divs.'
The perversity and sometimes the simplicity of the household drudge is the neverending theme of the average mistress. Take as an instance the experience of a young housekeeper of which we heard the other day. Her abigail was young and unsophisticated. To the door there came a visitor whom it was'nt convenient for the mistress to see just then. ' Tell her I'm not at home ' was the direction of the of the house ' Very well mum ' acquiesed the domestic ; then, to the caller, ' Mrs Blank says I'm to tell you she's not at home.' Thus 'given away,' the mistress had no choice but to make her appearance in person somewhat shame-faced, and after such explanation of the ' white lie ' as was possible. We may be sure that that slavey was hence forward made more acquainted with the little tarradiddles of polite society.
The features of the election contest in and about Wellington were the restless activity of the Premier and the prominent part taken in the battle by the candidate's fsmale relatives. King Richard was every, where. One day he was heard of in his own domain at Westland ; next he had got to Dunedin, speaking at Ashburton as he new through ; then back to Lyttleton (another speech) ; on to Wellington, where he was on the stump at all hours of day and night. On the Monday evening in election v?eek he spoke at 7.30 away out at Taita, rushed into a cab at the close of that meeting, and drove into another great gathering held in the city ; next morning was in the train at daylight and whirling off to Taranaki, where he spoke the same night at two public meetings and a banquet ; next day two more speeches, and then off at midnight back by special train to the capital, keeping up the fire upon the enemy day and night daring the last two days. No other Premier that New Zealand has ever had has shown such extra ordinary staying power or resourcefulness. Towards the last the King's voice wa& ■worn away till it became a mere echo of the robustness that usually characterises it. Then, as to the political new woman, Mrs Newman, Mrs Wilford, Mrs Hislop, and Mrs Hornaby, all took a hand at the platform bellows, and Mrs and Misses Seddon did their share of speaking in the Wairarapa district in the interests of the Government nominee, while all the other candidates' wives were active as canvassers.
'Archibald the Allright ' has gone under in the struggle for Wanganui, and ' Carson the Wobbler,' as the Government Herald calls him, comes out on top. But Carson can afford to smile. He is nsed to defeat, having had to sap his grael in half-a-dozen bitterly fought election fights, but Wanganui has taken compassion apou him at last. There is great staying power in cold tea.
Exceptional presence of mind was shown by a Grafton Road yourig lady at a recent evening party. She was seated in a window recess, beside a handsome young man, with her little niece on her knee to play propriety. Suddenly the company was electrified by the exclamation of the child : ' Kiss me, too, Aunt Alice !' But the sudden shock was succeeded by a feeling of relief as Aunt Alice calmly replied: ' You should not say " Kiss me two," dear ; you should say " Kiss me twice." '
Dr. Hatherly, of the Wairarapa, says the remedy the Prohibitionists propose for drunkenness is something like amputating a man's leg to cure his chilblains.
' Ironsand Smith ' is wiped oat at last, and his screeds of alleged poetry will no longer enliven the pages of Hansard. He has been done ' Brown,' and will now have to go back to his ironsand and petroleum. HaDd down the office lyre.
Hee Hem puts off his weskit white, And bares his arm for toil ; Brown's knocked him out in election fight, So Smith must bore for oil
A well-known Melbourne actor, who always wears a wig, is the proprietor of the queerest gambling- machine kuown He ia afflicted with 'peripatetic baldness.' One day he has a bald area over his left ear ; a few days later the drought-stricken plain will be found perhaps on the crown of his head, while the formerly unvegetated patch will be carpeted with a rich thicket of down ; in another week the desert will be found on his right temple, or at the top of his spine, or in the middle of his parting He goes to bed at night speculating as to where he'll be bald next morning Melb. pros, who know of this freak actually gamble and get np sweeps on the race, dividing his head into compartments, and the one holding the number of the area containing the patch as settling time scoops the pool. It is a joy to see an excited crowd grab him on settling day, drag off his hat, and finger his pate.
THE GENERAL OF THE LIQUOR FORCES IN THE LOCAL OPTION CAMPAIGN IN*