The FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XV, Issue 821, 22 September 1894, Page 7

The FRETFUL PORCUPINE

A Quill for Everyone.

The bank -amalgamation has been the talk of the week, and opinion is still divided upon it. . There is some doubt how it will affect, trade, but, in any case, one sound bank is better for all concerned than two shaky ones. Of course, it is denied that the Colonial is in any way shaky, but the evident anxiety of the management to go in for amalgamation looks queer. Then, again, for years we have been told at each annual meeting that provision had been made for bad and doubtful debts, and yet provision is specially being made now to investigate the bad and doubtful business of the bank, prior to amalgamation. One thing is certain, and that is that the colony ia bound sooner or later to take over the landea estates of the Assets Company.

"What will become of the businesses now being run by the banks against their own customers ? Take, for instance, T. and S. Morrin and Co.'s. Surely we shall no longer have the anomaly of a bank running a retail business in keen competition with private enterprise. The principle is wrong, and one of the first actions of the amalgamated bank should be to clear itself of these retail concerns.

It looks now very much as if the policy of the Government will be to eventually tax the other banks out of the country, and leave a clear field to the reconstructed Bank of New Zealand. In any case, they are pretty sure to legislate by-and-bye with regard to the note issue, in the direction of keeping it in their own hands. The process of gradual evolution towards a State Bank is unquestionably open to greater objection than an instantaneous change from one system to the other would be. But time alone will tell whether the present policy will work out satisfactorily.

Some time ago we related in these columns how ' Sophia ' the well-known Maori guide at Botorua had complained that after showing His Excellency Lord Glasgow around the ' lions ' of the hot springs district His Lordship departed without even leaving her his blessing. Since that par appeared ' Sophia ' has received a letter or thanks from His Excellency — and a sovereign. Here's reckless generosity.

It is cabled from Madrid that the Duke San Carlos haa suicided. Cause : ' Distress at his inability to attain moral perfection.' It is well for the world that we are not all so solicitous on the subject of moral perfection as the dead Duke was or there would soon be nobody left alive.

Auckland's famous 'measles and jealousy' verdict still stands as the boss monument of jury stupidity, but a Picton jury tried hard to wipe it out last week. An unknown's body was found on the ranges. Its condition and the position in which a revolver was found pointed pretty clearly to suicide. So the jury found. But that didn't seem to round off the verdict enough. So, though no one could even identify the body, the sapient half-dozen solemnly certified that the stranger had suicided ' under temporary insanity.'

Orthography was not a strong point with the writer of a letter received by the Deputy Official Assignee at Blenheim a day or two ago. The envelope bore the inscription : Mr Dunn, A Fishel Arcence, Blenheim. And yet the letter found its way to its destination. Who says there is nothin phonetic spelling.

The bakers are still sad. They complain that it is perfectly impossu y e to torn out bread of a uniform weight. Why all thia fuss? The English ji>lan is surely the simplest and best. The English baker doesn't attempt to bake loaves uniform in weight to the fraction of an ounce. He simply weighs all bread before delivery, and makes np the ' shortage,' if any, by throwing a bit cut off another loaf on to the scale. Many people refuse to take the odd piece. That is their look-out. The baker offers it to .them and thus complies with the law without inconvenience to himself.

float us into a syndicate of 10,000 shares of £100 each. Several of the crowned heads of Europe are said to be thinking of proceeding to Coolgardie instanter in order to recruit their shattered fortunes. But for all we know there may be a dozen Coolgardies in New Zealand. The goldfields of this colony are by no means worked out yet. A surveyor who knows the country assures us that there will be a big run to the Urewera country after gold one of these fine days. Traces of gold have been met with in half the creeks in the Urewera district, but the greater part of this wild and auriferous-looking country is not yet even explored. Systematic prospecting ought to reveal treasures- down that way. The Maoris object to gold-prospectors on principle, just as they object to survey pegs and dog-taxes, but once gold is found in the Urewera territory the natives may go hang for all the prospectors - care. The gold hunger conquers, all things! The Government promised to prospect the Urewera for gold sometime ago, but they have apparently forgotten all about it over their Shipping and Seamen's Bill, and other philanthropic measures.

Two recent Auckland sentences : Police Court, Monday: Elizabeth Black for obscene language, six months imprisonment with hard labour. Supreme Court, Monday: Jas. Beard, manslaughter, six months imprisonment without hard labour ! !

The übiquitous ' O.M. was talking about the weather and other exciting topics the other day with one of Auckland's oldest identities. Somehow the conversation drifted into sanitary matters. * Bless you, 1 said the old identity, ' I remember Auckland when the odours wafted on the breeze were enough to knock you down. We had no drainage system here then. There may have been a sanitary inspector, but if there was he was never en evidence. There was an open sewer running past the Thistle Hotel. Typhoid? No! that is the funny thing. Nobody ever had typhoid in those days. It is only since we have gone in extensively for sanitation, and all the rest of it, that typhoid has made its appearance. Funny, isn't it? I have often tried to reason it out, but it is one of those things that the more you think about the more you get fogged.'

We, have, just inspected a very pretty specimen; from the 'White Feather ' inine, Coolgardie^. It was shown to '■ us, by Mr George Walker. It scales 2Jozs. It is nearly pure "gold. Loots- just as if yon had poured molten, gold over a little bit of -quartz. It was found near the surface. A second specimen is a piece of quartz dotted with gold. There doesn't seem much gold in it, yet stone of this description yields 20 oza to the ton. By the way, Mr Walker tells of four New Zealanders who sometime ago clubbed together £200 and entrusted the money to a 1 man who was. leaving for Coolgardie. It proved a good investment. The lucky quartette have, lately refused an offer of £30,000. for the mine purchased with their £200. *.' * *

There are some hungry thieves over Freeman's Bay way. The other night St. Thomas's Church had a social, during the progress of which it was found necessary to fall back upon a large reserve hamper of sandwiches that had been kept in the basement of the school. But, alas, when the sandwiches were sought for they had vanished, never to return. Probably they formed the provender of a larrikin moonlight picnic. And ever since Dr. Walker has been regretting that those sandwiches were not medicated. Ah, if he had only thought.

A ' drunk ' admitted in court the other day during the hearing of an assault case against him that he and the complainant had had ' drinkfor drink.' He also stated, on being pressed, that he had a wife and three little children, and that his wife went out washing. Whereupon Mr Northcrof t waxed wrath : ' Half you men, 1 he said, 4 don't care a bit so long as you can get beer and tobacco. Your wives unfortunately suffer, for they have to work hard to keep you.' This is perfectly true, and it is a pity that the law cannot be amended so as to admit of lazy drunken loafers who have wives and families depending upon them being punished as they so richly deserve.

She asked him the other day for money to buy a new dress. He said times were too bad and the old dresses would have to do for the present. When he came home that evening he found no tea ready and his wife reading a novel.. He asked for an explanation. 'The explanation, 1 she said, 'is that this is a strike. I have struck for a new dress,' He begged of her not to be ' absurd,' but she merely went on reading. So he got his own tea. While he was eating it he drew her attention to the fact that the fire was nearly out. ' Then make it up, yourself,' she said, ' this is a strike. 1 He made it up. He came home late that night but the nouse was in darkness. His wife was next door spending the evening. He went upstairs. His bed was unmade. His wife came in just then. 'Yes,' she said, ' the bed is unmade. This is a strike.' At 12, midnight, he gave in, and the strike ended. She got the new dress next day.

More squabbles between the nurses and the medical staff at the Auckland Hospital ! God help the unfortunate patients while these rows are going on. But what a contrast our Hospital is in this respect co the Wellington Hospital. There.all is peace.love and harmony so far as the relations of the lady nurses are concerned, and such a thing as a quarrel with the doctor or the lady superintendent or between themselves is never heard of. Here, these quarrels and bickerings are of constant occurrence, and the Hospital - and its administration are brought into disrepute in the popular estimation. Is efficiency compatible with such a state of things ? We doubt it. But who is to blame ?

There is much pharasaical insincerity about this opposition to Sunday tramß. Th« j very people who oppose them most drive their private Buggies on Sundays — aye, and drive them to church. Other towns run Sunday trams, as for instance, Wellington, and I find them to be a great public convenience, t and we ourselves have steamers, trains, busses and cabs plying on Sundays. Then why bar trams? They would be a benefit to the poorer classes, and especially t» those of them whose walking powers are limited. As for the drivers and conductors, it cannot deprive them of their Sunday. The staff would be increased, and the hours re-arranged and regulated. But why all the concern for tram-drivers alone ? Donot bus and cab-drivers, steam-boat hands and railway officials have to sacrifice & little for the public convenience ? Do not even the printers of morning newspaperswork on Sunday evenings? Sunday trams would be a convenience to many, and while leading lights of the churches use ferry boats and drive buggies on Sunday they should be consistent and allow those who require it to have the benefit of amodified system of Sunday trams.

He was an indiscreet Auckland batcher who, to attract attention, headed his advertisement, in the Star on Friday night, ' Found, a torn cat,' and then went on to announce ' sausages, the cheapest in Auckland.' We are not taking sausages just now, thanks.

Fa%r Play jMnoiiflly .presents its readers with a picture of Mr Frank Lawry as ,the portrait of Mr Flatman. Flat man; indeed! There is nothing flat about Frank Lawry. We expect to hear now " of yet another libel action against Fair Play,

Here is a crisp" little story which is vouched for as gospel truth by a writer in a Christchurch paper :— When the brothers Redmond came out to New Zealand, an enthusiastic Irishman in Auckland laid himself out to show them every courtesy and kindness. He drove them hither and -thither, he had them treated right royally — in fact gave them a true Irish welcome. When the news arrived in this colony as to the _ part the Redmonds were taking in affairs at Home in opposition to the Liberal Ministry and the Irish Parliamentary .Party, the same Irishman wrote home to the elder Redmond, reminded him of the welcome he had received in Auckland, and the beautiful drives they .had had together. • I have now only one regret,' he added, ' and that is that I didn't drive you over an embankment and break your neck.'

Distant fields look green, and naturally Coolgardie gold is attracting hundreds to Western Australian deserts with its seductive glitter. We wouldn't mind going ourselves if some of our friends would only

>. The intention of Mr Harry. Wrigg to .dispose of his wonderful pen-and-ink picture by arfc_union recalls the fact that he did a similar bit of work in the sixties, and that it was also raffled and won by the late Mr H. Oberlin Brown, at that time organist' of St. Matthew's. The Duke of Edinburgh, however, took a great fancy to the drawing, and Mr Brown was persuaded to give it to him, His Serene Highness promising that on -his return to' England he would bear Mr Brown's kindness in mind and make him an adequate return for the picture. But, as may be imagined by those who remember the royal Alfred, that was the last Mr Brown ever heard of the matter. His Highness of Edinburgh was nothing if not stingy.

In fchia connection some good stories are told. One relates to a consignment of pheasants sent by the Old Auckland Acclimatization Society to Tahiti. For safety, they were forwarded by H.M.S. Galatea, which, as most people mow, was under the command of the Duke of Edinburgh. But the birds did not survive the voyage. News came ere long that they had all died on the passage down. But, in the fullness of time, the further information leaked out that the pheasants died violent deaths and that they were eaten and much enjoyed by His Highness and the officers of his ship.

Lawyers Jackson Palmer and Hudson "Williamson contemplate Coolgaxdie in search of sold. ' Bio,' ma prophetic vein, furnisheß us with this view of the future. 'Gold Jackaon, it s real gold, and worth more than forty blooming briefs in the best Supreme Court ever buiit.'