Auckland Pavement Studies.

Observer, Volume xi, Issue 667, 10 October 1891, Page 4

Auckland Pavement Studies.

(By • Saunteker.')

No. IX.— LEATHER LUNGS.

Wending his way home on Saturday evening, Saunterer saw a placard bearing in large letter ' Colonel MeOhee,' a portrait of that warrior, and in bolder type still ' has saved twenty-five thousand souls since he commenced his work some eight years since '—mark that : neither more nor less than 25,000 ; ago od solid number, and all by one man — he certainly has broken the record of Salvationists. But who's the actuary that verefies the figures, and from where are the returns received that certify that through the ex&rtions of McGhee 25,000 souls have passed from this world to eternal bliss. We always thought this a subject beyond finite knowledge, and have no hesitation in saying that the man who has the effrontery to make such an assertion as this, is as much a quack as BeJphegor in his chariot selling nostrums of bread- pills and coloured water to cure all the ills that flesh is heir to. Ghee is the Hindostanee word for butter— perhaps our friend is a jokist and a slimy, buttery kind of young man — or is it a new kind of draw of the enemy's to raise the wind from the flinty-hearted Aucklanders.

There is a story told of an itinerant preacher, representing some charitable institution in the old country, who, having to preach in a chapel in a Midland County town, was informed the congregation were bard cases at parting, although wealthy. Amongst other arguments to effect his purpose, he pleasantly observed, ' Such was the importance and excellence of the institution he was pleading for, that no man could possibly be prevented from bestowing liberally, according to his ability, but by some distress of circumstances. Whoever, therefore,' he added, ' shrinks from his duty on this occasion must be inevitably concluded to be in debt.' The consequence was such a plentiful contribution that they had to send to h. neighbouring conventicle for more plates*. Now that's ,a, wrinkle that may be used to advantage in Auckland, perhaps ; if so, it is to hoped the preacher will send a fair' ps-x centage as commission to Saunterer, care of the editor. * .

We have been told lately' v.hat, like all other occupa tions in Auckland, there is rnuc& among preachers, and a meeting was held,' papers read, etc., about having fewer churches and more utnity and funds — particularly the latter. JNow there always has been competition for the loaves and fishes of divinity. At the commencement of this century it was the fa&bion in London to have what were termed ' Proprietary Episcopal Chapels.' Sir Robert Peel's Ecclesiastical Distinct Acts to a great extent broke this system up. Th\e congregations appointed their own ministers, who\ had to preach according to order, and to please the old j ladies and their poodles, biped and quadruped. At Woburn Chapel, West Central, London, there were two candidates — one named Adam, the other Low. They had to preach probation sermons. Low preached in the morning, and, possibly being a clerical funny man, and thinking he was going to knock his opponent into a cocked hat, took for his text, ' Adam, where art thou? and made a very excellent fermon, with which the congregation went away much edified. Mr Adam, who was present, preached in the evening, taking for his text the passage immediately following that of his rival — ' £0, here am I.' The congregation listened to his sermon, and seeing he was a lively kind of joker, gave' the last man with the first man's name the billet. The clerical darkie walked round and took the cake. From time to tioie, in all things mundane, history repeats itself, although the events may be modified I by circumstance and place. This is particularly true of so-called religious movements and revivals, till what j should be approached with thoughtful respect simply ] becomes grotesque. There is but one step from the sublime to the ridiculous, says the old saw, and the recent letter to the Town Council from a habitue of the Western Park, complaining of the preacher with lungs of leather that disturbed the writer's Uptonian Sunday, verifies this. It is to be hoped, if our respected Mayor has his attention called to the above paragraph, he will not sit upon Saunterer as he did upon the Rev. Mr Chew, for using the term Uptonian, and order poor Saunterer to be incarcerated in the lowest dungeon in the castle-keep of Mount Eden.

Some few Saturday afternoons ago, Saunterer stood on the pavement and watched a procession. It was raining. The procession was headed by a brass band, who piayed most infamously out of tune, and a tall man, whom I would back against themost perfect of Lord Chamberlains for walking backwards. This individual, from the painful faces he made, the yells of agony he frequently gave forth, the spasmodic jumps he executed, and the position he placed his clasped hands in, must have been suffering from the diseasa known as the collywobbles. Following their leader were a number of men and a much larger number of women. The procession looked exceedingly imposing, walking under umbrellas ; and the roads being dirty v.nd puddles abun. dam, there was much alaciity and skill displayed by frisky young matrons of sixty and upwards in jumping from one dry spot to another.

As the female performers were holding up umbrellas with one hand and their skirts >vhh the oilier, ie necessarily followed that there wa& a great show.of ihat part of the pedal extremities which in shape a.iid make would be described by an lriah grazier as being ' like a Mullingar heifer, beef to the heels. ' As these people were also breaking forth into song - save the word 1 —using names and terms sacred yet to many millions of thinking men, iv the most familiar and commonplace manner, the spectacle was not edifying to some of the

onlookers, particularly as there was a fringe, of chaffing boys and girls.

Parsons and elders, you have no need to seek far for causes that keep your young men from church, when your streets are perambulated by very inferior acrobats and musicians who - the lea iers from a desire to make a monetary living, and their dupes from a wish for notoriety — make buffoons of them.selves and a mockery of pure and undefiled religion.