OUR LOCAL BODIES

Observer, Volume 2, Issue 39, 11 June 1881, Page 424

OUR LOCAL BODIES

" Nothing extenuate, nor set down auglvt in malice."

No. I—The1 — The City Coujncil.V'V

It lias been more than once sixggeste'd to me that profitable employment could be found for my pen, and matter provided for the delectation of the readers of the Observer, in a series of independent critical articles upon our corporate bodies, their modes of doing business, and the personal peculiarities of the members. My mind readily perceived the excellence of the hint and the suitability of such a work for a Society journal to undertake ; but for some little time I was delayed from giving the scheme serious attention. Latterly, however, the difficulties in the way have disappeared, and I now address myself to the task with a light hearc, an impartial mind, and a settled determination to write down men and things as they really are. Ido not intend to ingratiate the Observer into the graces of anyone by resorting to a system of advertising puffs, neither have I any inclination to sacriiice truth and honest conviction in order to add a piquant flavour to the critiques. Avoiding both extremes, it will be my endeavour to pursue "the happy golden mean," and to deal out even justice to all parties. As the first of our local institutions in pretension, influence, and magnitude of operations, the City Council claims precedent notice over the others. It consists of a Mayor and nine Councillors, and its habitation is a suite of ricketty and ancient offices in the upper storey of Messrs Upton's and Cosgrave's premises. Here, separate departments are found for the Town Cleric and his assistant, for the City Treasurer, City Surveyor and his assistant, the Receiver and the Collector, the Inspector of Nuisances and the Inspector of Abattoirs. At the end of a devious corridor are located two rooms — that on the left hand being carpeted and reserved for the Mayor, and that on the right bearing the imposing name of "The Council Chamber. " It was night on the occasion of my visit of inspection, and I entered to find the elect of the burghers seated and prepared for business. The apartment was small and narrow — not more, certainly, than 20ft by 10ft — and the whole of the accommodation appeared to be taken up. A large oblong table ran nearly the entire length of the room, and the Councillors were seated around it on ordinary cane-bottomed chairs, while the Mayor fidgetted uneasily upon a large leather-covered and low -backed contrivance, having on his left and slightly to the rear, a small table for the accommodation of the reporters, and on his right a reading-desk for the convenience of the Town Clerk. The door and the window were so situated as to afford exceptional facilities for raising draughts of wind, and as they had therefore to be religiously closed against the ingress of air, the atmosphere was decidedly stuffy, while the flaring gas-jets diffused around a most unpleasant warmth. The proceedings were commenced with the reading of the minutes. They were most voluminous, and the Clerk went through them at such a desperate, break-neck pace that his hearers ears must have ached in the effort to catch their purport. Such a furious wagging of a tongue was surely never before heard. The officer, dashed at the minutes, yelled out the words with a rapidity of utterance which baffles description, and only paused when he was obliged to take breath. No attention was paid to punctuation, no regard shown for vocal modification, and no idea seemed to be entertained that anyone wished to understand what was being read. Mutilated English harrowed my soul by its piteous appeals to my distressed tympanum. Chopped syllables, deoapitated words, and shockingly-dis-figured phrases passed in sorrowful review before my mind's eye, while deep and spasmodic suspirations of breath informed me how vigorously the executioner was hacking and maiming his phonetic victims. At last the carnage was temporarily suspended. Then the reading of the correspondence began. There were about twenty-five letters on tilie list, none of them of any particular moment, and very little time therefore was used in getting through them. They were not discussed. Some were simply received, and the remainder referred, almost without comment, to various committees. All this time the Councillors were exchanging remarks with one another, indulging in intermittent badinage, and laughing ; while the Mayor, intent only upon the business before him, spurred on the voluble Clerk to tremendous vocal exertions. After the correspondence came the presentation of several petitions, which were spoken to and referred to committees ; then the reading of committee reports, which were adopted ; and finally the submission of certain returns, the opening of tenders, and the discussion of motions set down upon the order paper. The array of business proved to be long and petty, and one could not but admire the methodical way in which it was despatched, as well as the close acquaintance _ which the Councillors seemed to have with all the matters before them, their evident familiarity Avith established 1 forms and regulations, and their manifest desire to deal fairly and consistently with all th applications sent in to them The debates, however, were atrifle prolonged, and the speakers ' were unduly discursive. The reading of the rough minutes at a killing pace was listened to by a bare quorum, and then the civic representatives adjourned from labour for refresh* ment. And now for a few personal remarks. The Mayor is a thorough business man, and he presides ably at the meetings, though rather disposed to relax the stringency of recognised rules for the exclusion of irrelevant matter and the interchange of small talk. He does not ' speak too often, and when he does deliver him self his speech is not fhient. It is slow and hesitant, but so far as the language is concerned, lucid and correct. He speaks sensibly, fravely, and to the point, invariably eviencing a full knowledge of what he is talking about. As a Mayor he worthily sustains the repute of the city, and he is botli liberal in his benefactions aud hospitable in his social life.

Councillor David Golclie, a timber merchant and zealous Good Templar, occupies the nearest seat on the left of the Mayoral chair. He has served the burgesses in his present capacity longer than .any of his colleagues (except perhaps Councillor Waddel), and as he rarely misses either a committee or a Council meeting, and is besides of a most inquisitive turn of mind, no one can challenge competition -with him in a general knowfedge of municipal affairs. He speaks upon every topic that crops up, and as he has an inveterate weakness for replying to and commenting upon every speech which follows his own, the Mayor has his hands full to keep him in order. Mr Goldie's special vocation is that of official prosecutor. Whenever, by letter or in casual remark, the slightest reflection is thrown upon any of the officers, he pricks up his ears at once, seizes upon the allusion with avidity, and in a frenzied manner "goes" straight for the unfortunate minion. He gives no quarter, but, satisfied that lie has providentially dropped upon the clue to some dreadful laches, some rascally malversation, or some gross instance of official arrogance and misconduct, he declaims, assails, and impugns with energy and persistence. The Town Clerk is his bete noir. Apologies from such a source are but the whetstone to Councillor Goldie's suspicions. Explanations are contemptuously spumed by him, and mild protests only provoke defiant rejoinders. There seems to be an established vendetta between the two, and the effect is certainly to keep the Clerk vigilant and exact, though this might probably be done without hectoring at him. Still Mr Goldie is a disinterested and hard-working Councillor. Councillor Fleming (carpenter, and fervent Oddfellow) — a little, squat, elderly, Scotchman, who sits next him — may be equally diligent in the discharge of his duties, but he lacks his coadjutor's ability. His opinion is generally that of the majority, and when lie speaks he usually repeats or paraphrases what someone lias said before him. His utterance is rapid, and he invariably collapses suddenly after penetrating into the mazes of some involved sentence from which he is unable to extricate himself. Integrity was doubtless his principal recommendation for office. Councillor Hemus (boot manufacturer, Sunday-school superintendent, and Methodist) is one of the latest additions to the Council. He has a most woe-begone countenance, and when he smiles — which he does only under powerful stimulus — the effect is ghastly. The tone of his voice is a melancholy drawl, but his remarks are pithy and practical, and he seems to be animated by a conscientious desire to discharge his duties in a way that will offend no one. He speaks but seldom, and speaks only when he has something pertinent to say. Councillor Montague (toy merchant) comes next to him in this respect. He listens to the " talkee talkee " of his fellows with patience, and, being possessed of a sjiortive disposition and a keen sense of the ridiculous, finds much matter for entertainment. In cast of mind and manner he is the very antithesis of Mr Hemus. He speaks jauntily and with a smile upon his face, and promptly rejriies to any asides or interjectional comments which he may chance to overhear, while his good temper never fails him. Councillor Graves Aickin is the youngest, most impulsive, most energetic, and most enterprising of all the Councillors. His hobby is to do everything possible to enhance the repute of Auckland, to extend her greatness, and to augment her importance ; and when he once gets upon this favourite topic, lie is for the time being in nubibus. Councillor Aickin (though an exceptionally shrewd business man, and by no means prodigal in private life), scorns the impedimenta of pounds, shillings and pence, loves a little gush and sentiment, and abhors alike tiresome detail and excessive caution. In line, he is a true Irishman, and, like the majority of his compatriots, he speaks upon the spur of the moment, and reflects after he resumes his seat, not infrequently having his opinions changed in the course of debate. Councillor Thompson (a grocer, and Highway Board chairman), is an Irishman of another stamp. He has all Mr Aickin's warmth of feeling, is far more hot-tempered and "huffy," and shows greater judgment and deliberation in debate. He is also clear-sighted, resolute, and just, while in his attention to duty he gives place to no one. He is always at his post, and, though disposed to take affront upon very slight provocation, is a sterling representative. He sits at the foot of the Council table, and speaks frequently and pointedly. Councillor Waddel (baker and confectioner) is the recognised humourist of the select coterie. He gets off numerous sallies of attempted wit in the course of the evening, but only occasionally scores a hit, though everyone has got into the habit of laughing mechanically at his observations. Whenever he feels inclined to speak he always rises indolently with both hands in his trousers pockets, and then with an abrupt manner he opens Avith some sarcastic but apparently serious remarks, the application of which to the matter under consideration is not always apparent. Mr Waddel is not a good speaker, but his opinion always carries weight with it; and his attention to business is sustained, and notfitful. Councillor Crowther (livery stable keeper and city marshal at civic pageants) is the Josh Billings of the Council. He is a shrewd, practical, and unostentatious man, wholly indifferent to banter and utterly callous to any compunctious twinges of conscience for his heartless treatment of aspirates. He is longwinded, and though he appears to have had only a rudimentary education, speaks with some fluency and much rugged energy. His practical mind and economical predilections serve as a foil to Councillor Aickin's impetuous enterprise. Councillor Offer (boot importer and Freethinker), the last of the nine, is a conceited little man, with decided obliquity of vision and an eye-glass. His elevation to the Council at first somewhat unsettled his mind, and he put on such exaggerated airs towards the officers that matters soon came to a crisis. He haunted the Corporation offices and authoritatively ordered the officials to compile returns for him, ignoring altogether the Town Clerk's authority in his own domain. That officer objected to .this interference, and the matter was brought j

"before the Council, when the great little man was severely and properly sat upon. Then for a time he quite outvied Councillor Goldie in the role of fault-finder, but with this great difference, that, in Councillor Offer's case, the malice pre2Je>ise was so patent that he invariably overreached himself, and the Council defended its officers. He is now more reasonable, and may eventually turn out a good Councillor. In religious matters he is heterodox, but it does not suit his interests to allow the fact to be publicly known. This article has extended to such a length that there is only space for a word or two each about the Corporation officers. Mr P. A. Philips (Town Clerk) will be remembered as the owner of an "all sorts store" in Queenstreet, who ten or twelve years ago, after securing and retaining Mayoral honours for three years, passed into his present comfortable little office. He is, the reporters say, dreadfully afflicted with cacoethes scribemli, and as his sentences are tortuous and awfully intricate, the poor editor whom he patronises should be comp assion ated . Mr Anderson (City Surveyor) is a taciturn Scot with a fondness for Volunteer display. Mr Goldie (Nuisance Inspector) is a cautious Gael with a welldeveloped an d highly - coloured nasal promontory and an ancient gingham that accompanies him on all his travels. Mr Woollield (Inspector of Abattoirs and Waterworks Clerk) is a clerical Bombastes Furioso, good - naturedly pomnous towards inferiors and very gracious towards superiors. Mr Payne (Clerk) is a siim young man who sports a goatee and loves the fair sex. MrEller (Collector) is the darling tootsicum of the ladies. Mr Aic ki n (Surveyor's Assistant) a thirsty youth with a ferretty look ; and Mr Thos. Tant (messenger), an elderly and garrulous old gentleman who has seen better days. This, I believe, completes the list, and as the exigencies of space are in exorable, I must conclude at once. Therefore, gentle reader, ait, reooir. v ;

Ixgomar