WAIKTO WHISPERINGS

Observer, Volume 2, Issue 34, 7 May 1881, Page 366

WAIKTO WHISPERINGS

— Notwithstanding the late rains the milk cart still pays its daily visit to the iron cow. — Billy is the hero of the hour, having made the highest agregate, and scoured the bat. — The instrumental music at St. Peter's has fallen off during the last fortnight owing to the absence of the organist. —The "Pukeko" has flitted from his accustomed nest, which is not now even a mare's nest, as the charming boy has taken his stud with him. — Trooper Gresham, the emhryo adjutant, is very indignant at the Government withholding his fifteen bob, and counsels agitation. — The charming Miss G., much to everybodys surprise, is "hitched up " at last. After breaking the hearts of every Adonis in the Waikato, she has thrown in her lot with the modest and retiring Willie. — J. B. S. is so pleased with the little reference to his projected change in life that he has bought a dozen copies of the Obsep.ver for transmission to his relatives and friends. — 'The principal source of attraction in Victoria-street, Hamilton, during the past week has been Messrs. S. and W.s puppet show. Even the milkman has "found timo" to stop and enjoy the show. — I hear that the Waikato cricketers intend getting up a " round robbin " to express their thanks to the Auckland clubs for the kindness and courtesy shown them in arranging matches and in various other ways. — The "great" calico hall is the all-absorb-ing topic of conversation. Sam says he has too great a regard for the pockets of the tradesmen in these dull times to go tick for six yards of calico. What virtue in a degenerate age ! — The annual hall given hy the Hamilton oddfellows came off on Friday. \ The hal! was nicely decked out with evergreens and bunting .vith mottoes, &c. Tho company was very select, . Even two or three of the recognised loaders of tim, were omitted from the invitation list. . - — Oh, dear I oh, dear ! .vhat dreadful things happen now-a-dayst To think of that promisingbachelor, John M., having fallen' a victim, to ■ the hymeneal fever ! His great hallucination is that he has at last discovered the " Mayne" thing that was wanting for his happiness, and he declares he will shortly take legal steps to make it his own for " better and worse."

— At a very early hour on Sunday morning information was given to Constable Wild that the body of a man supposed to have committed suicide was hanging by tho neck under the Hamilton traffic bridge. The constable procured assistance, and went immediately to the spot, when he found that the rope was fastened to the rail of the bridge, over which the unfortunate man must have jumped. A nearer inspection of the body, however, completely upset the current of ideas which was running in the worthy constable's mind. He saw that he was " had," for the " body " was nothing more nor loss than an ingeniously constructed dummy — a man of straw and rags ! In hauling up this interesting specimen, very little ceremony was used ; indeed, so roughly was the job done that Sergeant McGovern, who, at this point, put in an appearance, called out in a rather severe tone " Handle the poor fellow gently." The sweet deprecating smile which answered this admonition may be imagined. The authors of the diabolical plot are at present, luckily for themselves, unknown. When discovered they will doubtless be placed in a position to become acquainted with the internal economy of Mount Eden Gaol — The bridge opening at WhataAvhata AA r as an immense success. The speech of the hon. member was pithy and to the point, and Miss Day smashed the customary bottle— l was going to say of champagne, but truth requires that it should be stated that the cork and the liquor had been previously drawn and water substituted — was broken in the most graceful manner by Miss Day. I ought of course to say that the dinner, which followed, was " got up in the worthy Host 's usual style," &c, &c, but here again my natural aversion to what is false forbids. There was, however, plenty to eat, and with the crowd of hungry visitors the quality counted for very little I suppose. The speeches were the usual commonplace affairs except that delivered by Mr. John Abbott, which was, and 1 am a judge of these things, one of the most brilliant oratorical efforts which it has been my lot to hear. Such gorgeous diction, such facile imagery and sucli warm and polished humour fairly electrified the bucolic assembly. What a pity 'tis that John so persistently keeps his light under a bushel ! A dance followed, but as the "munseer" quarrelled with his bandsmen the music was only so-so.