The Observer.

Observer, Volume 2, Issue 31, 16 April 1881, Page 324

The Observer.

Saturday, Apeil 16th, ISSI

To the Editor : Sir, — As I am one of those who so "lamely championed" the cause of the assaulted in the article of "Junius," and as you have allowed him and Iris supporters to have two lengthy "says' this "week, surely you will not refuse me the insertion in your next issue of a brief reply. " Junius " whines that I have indulged in personal allusions, but, sir, the article "was so altogether devoid of reason, and so extremely illogical, that there "was nothing left but the writer to attack. "Comparatively few think deeply." Does "Junius" suppose that anyone blessed "with the ordinary amount of reason ■would imagine for a moment that he (the ■would-be "Junius") is a man of "deep thought ?" Preposterous ! Why, sir, it is self-evident that his productions are those of a, superficial and shallow thinker, who makes religion suit himself rather than otherwise. Enough said. I, for one, am content to let the matter rest with the fact that "the truth is great, and will prevail." — Yours, Sec, Brutus. — [No further communication will be inserted on this subject on any pretence. — Ed. Obs.]

.A very strange and unpleasant story is at present being whispered about by Queen-street gossips. These worthies aver that a, notable and "most respected citizen," who is also a Justice of the Peace and a great "stickler " for piety, has gone wrong, and will, in all probability, appear as respondent in a divorce case ere long. The affair commenced, it is said, some months ago, when the wife of Mr. K. found him flirting outrageously with a plump and pretty young woman, somewhat beneath him in station. At first Mrs. X didn't think much of the matter, and contented herself with a curtain lecture or two ; but, finding her remonstrances had no effect, she one morning, not long ago, had recourse to threats. Instead of bettering mattters this only made them worse, for the husband, driven to desperation, openly delied her, and absolutely brought his lady friend to live in the house. Of course the wife wouldn't stand such treatment as this, and she has left her home and is now living in the suburbs and collecting evidence preparatory to sueing for a divorce. It is not likely the husband will offer much opposition to this course, as he is said to be too anxious to many his new beloved.

The action of the Auckland Jockey Club in disqualifying Golden Crown's owner and jockey deserves the highest commendation. Our only regret is that the bookmakers, who were the prime movers in the affair, have got off so easily. Many people are of opinion that the unfortunate ßyers was "rushed " into the fraud, and would not have carried it out if there had been time for thought. Of course this doesn't mend matters much, but we think it quite likely that if he would consent to confess the whole truth to the Jockey Club and say avlio his accomplices were, the punishment might be partially commuted.

The departure of Hermann and his troupe for the South reminds us that a very nice little swindle was worked in connection -with one of the iinest suit en of furniture given away by that gentleman. It was managed thus. A. and B. having talked the matter over, went to the theatre and purchased 2s. 6d. worth of tickets. Amongst these there "was one number (say 247), for which A. received a small prize. After the distribution of the lesser gifts, Hermann called, as usual, for the tickets to be handed in and placed in the lottery-box, but A., instead of giving his Tip, slipped it quietly into 15. 's hand. Hermann then asked one of the audience to come and draw the numbers for the big prizes, upon Avhich 8., with 247 skillfully concealed in the palm of his right hand, went on to the platform, and, dipping his hand into the box (apparently) drew out a ticket and handed it to the entertainer. Hermann of course read out, "247, first prize, suite of furnihire, Mr. A." and the thing was done. The ventriloquist was as much deceived as anybody, and when he heard he had been "had," he was very wrath indeed.

We have received from Messrs. L. D. Nathan and Co. some samples (in prime condition) of Head Brothers famous " Dog's Head" beer, which is unquestionably the best bottled ale imported into the Colony. The great reputation this brand has obtained has naturally lead to a great many imitations. It was first of all called "Bull Dog," but another firm having adopted a trade mark of a similar character, — namely, a terrier's head — Messrs. Read Bros, have thought it desirable to change the name to "Dog's Head." Accompanying the samples is an interesting, and neatly got-up, pamphlet describing clearly and concisely the process of brewing, etc. Those who take an interest in such subjects, should procure a copy from Messrs. Nathan. It is well worth reading.

Apropos of the Lord Mayor of London's refusal to allow dancing at the Mansion House, a London contemporary lias the following : — "Mr. Lord Mayor McArthur is a Methodist, and there may therefore be something consistent, and to that extent admirable, in his refusing to allow dancing at the Mansion House — that particular form of calisthenics being strictly forbidden by the founder of the sect. For my own part, 'however, I am so morally oblique as to believe that there is something much more reprehensible in the eating and wine-bibbing, which Mr. McArthur does not repress, than in a few hundreds of pretty boys and girls going through the intricacies of Roger de Coverley. To see half a hundred fat aldermen guzzling like pigs— " wallering in it," to quote the expression of one of them — does offend me. To see the terpsichorean evolutions of an equal number of little people pleases my, no doubt, weak mind."

An ingenious fraud was perpetrated on one of our Avell-known publicans the other day. A seedy - looking gentleman with a big coat walked into the bar, looked all round him, and asked for half-a-pint, putting down the necessary spangle. Presently he pulled a glass brandy flask from his pocket and requested the barman to fill it with whisky. This done, the seedy individual replaced the Lottie in his pocket, and made for the door merely saying, "I'll call in the mornin« and pay you for this." But the barman wasn't "on, and replied that if he didn't brino- that whisky back at once he'd give him in cnaro-e The seedy one sorrowfully returned, pulled the Lottie from his pocket, put it carefully on the counter, and remarked in an injured tone '-Oh very well, if you won't trust me, I'll leave the stutt here while I go home and get the money " A few moments after the barman was heard talking English in a horribly expressive manner. He had pulled the cork out of the flask and discovered that he had been victimised. The seedy one had palmed off a flask of water upon him having had two flasks alike, one full and the other empty, in his pocket.

Of all the Avilcl goose chases that ever took place, the recent one of a widow and her daughter in .search of a fortune was about the wildest and moat anserous. They received vague information that a fortune was awaiting them in San Francisco, where some of their relations reside. They were too eager to obtain it to wait replies to letters of inquiry ; but, sending a letter by one steamer announcing their intention to leave for San Francisco by the next, they realised what little property they were possessed of and took saloon passages to the Californian City. When they arrived, there was no one to receive them, their relatives were enjoying themselves at a ball, and, upon enquiry, they discovered that the story of the fortune was without the slightest foundation. Nearly destitute of money they returned as soon as possible to Auckland, but this time they were steerage passengers. Was the report in the Star of last Friday of Mr. Smallfield's lecture on Cyrus the Great, meant an grand serieux, or merely as a subtle joke ? If the latter, it served its purpose fairly Avell and need provoke no comment. But if the former, who, in the name of common sense, is responsible for the ridiculous jumble? What are "syeles," and what is "Sanscrit love?" Perhaps "Sanscrit lore" is intended, but if so, what has that to do with Cyrus the Great ? He never spoke Sanscrit, it was never the language of Persia ; in all probability he never Knew there was such a tongue. Then again, what connection is there between Cyrus and Sophocles? The playwright lived a good hundred years after tho mighty monarch. Why "the theme of Sophocles?" and which "theme?" He wrote upwards of a hundred plays, so there are a variety of themes to choose from. What on earth does the "ij)se elicit" of Antigone mean ? For one thing, Antigone — a character in one of the chief plays of Sophocles — was a female, and jpse is masculine. Where's your Latin, 0 conceited scribe in the Star ? But even supposing the A. A. had written ijjsa dixit, there would have been the same want of sense and meaning. The writer goes on to drivel about seductive scenic plays. " Did he ever read a Greek play, and if lie did was it "seductive?" At any rate they were certainly not "scenic" in the usual sense of that term. They were entirely destitute of those theatrical effects which painted pictures produce now-a-day.s. One might proceed (to criticise some of the other expressions of the effusion (such as "Colero"(?) and " appassionato "(! !), but enough space has been given to fooleries like these. Surely it is high time that the Star's columns were shut against the mad ebullitions of pedantic and brainless

A.A's,

An amusing episode occurred at the Lunatic Asylum the other day. Dr. V., in company "with another gentleman, paid a visit of inspection to the institution. They "were "walking along one of the passages, when they "were confronted by a tall powerful man, "who barred their progress and inquired their business. "We wish to see Dr. Aicken," was their anuouncement. "I am the Superintendent of this Asylum," was the reply, "and I discharged Dr. Aicken because he and I could not agree as to the best method of peeling potatoes." "We beg pardon ; we forgot Dr. Aicken was not here; we wish to see Dr. Young." "Dr. Young is my subordinate," said the man, " and any information you want you must get from me. " "Who are you ? We are Dr. Y. and Mr. IS., "replied the doctor ; and, as his interlocutor was getting rather impertinent, he .added, " Who the d are you, sir ! Make way and let us pass !" The man drew himself up to his full height and said, " I am the Superintenden of this Asvluni, but that's only one of my titles ; I am a' little Almighty ! Go to h !" He seemed as if he were about to assist the gentlemen thither, but a warder appeared on the scene, and " the little Almighty " vanished with as much celerity as if he had seen the Devil.

THE REV.

PETER MASON,

A correspondent writes : — "The readers of the morning ' Twaddler ' must have been considerably astonished the other day when, on opening out their papers, they found that they were treated to a supplement. I know that I was, and I wondered what could have caused this unwonted display of energy on the part of the old woman of Wyndham-street. On picking up the sheet I found to my amusement that it was a report of the lecture given recently by Mr. Kennedy Brown, the Government Life Insurance agent. Having been present when this lecture was delivered, and having a lively recollection of the extremely comical nature of it, I at once abandoned the ' Twaddler's' main sheet and devoted myself to a perusal of the supplement, foeling convinced that there was a treat in store for me. I was not disappointed. I had hardly read a dozen lines before the whole scene in the lecture-room came so vividly before me, and again so tickled my fancy, that I found myself compelled — for fear my chum, who was breakfasting with me, should think me a lunatic — to drop the paper and explain the cause of my cachination. Auckland owes the old woman aforesaid a deep debt ot gratitude for coming to the rescue in these sad times, and for once giving its readers

a happy hour. Heigho ! It is almost a pity that there should be anything but a comic aspect to everything. Unfortunately there is, and life insurance is of itself by no means a comic subject. For this reason 'it would have been wiser, or at all events it would have been better, if this lecture of Mr Kennedy Brown's had never been published. As it has been published, and as there are one or two things connected with life insurance offices in general, and the Government Insurance Office in particular, which Mr. Kennedy Brown has omitted to mention, it is clearly the duty of the OBSERVER, in order that the public may not be misled, to supply the information which the ' Twaddler's ' report of his lecture lacks.

mm bhowxixg,

It will be seen on reference to the supplement alluded to that it is stated that at the close of the lecture an ' unimportant ' discussion took place between Mr. Metcalfe, agent for the Mutual Provident Society, and Mr. Kennedy Brown. The unimportant discussion was on the subject of the bonus, or profits, likely to be divided amongst its policy-holders by the Government. The subject of the divisible profits of a mutual insurance company is by no means unimportant ; on the contrary, next to the stability of the society itself, it is the one tiling that is considered of the greatest importance. Mr. Metcalfe asked Mr. Brown whether the £12,191 which, according to the actuaries'report, was the profit made by the Government during their iirst quinquennium, was a profit that would be divided amongst the Government policy-holders? Mr. Brown most emphatically declared that this amount was divisible, and certainly would be divided. So far so good ; but unfortunately for Mr. Brown there is in existence, and now before us, a report on the New Zealand Government Insurance Department, by two eminent English actuaries, Mr. Arthur H. Bailey and Mr. "W, P. Patterson. (By-the-way, isn't it queer that the Government Insurance books have to be sent to England and worked out by English actuaries, when we have a highly-paid and heaven-born actuary, Mr. Geoffrey Knight, at the head of our Government department?) However, be that as it may. These English actuaries, reporting on this profit .of £12,191, deliver themselves thusly, "Having regard to the rates of premium charged, we think that this result is satisfactory, but we wish to add, that in our opinion, this surplus would not be properly divisible." So much for the past(and yet undivided) profits, and so much for Mr. Brown's assertion. They then deliver themselves thusly concerning possible future profits, "No considerable surplus is, we think, likely, under any circumstances, to accrue." This is rather warm for the Government Insurance. What it means is, that policy-holders under the Government must not expect any profits whatever, such as are divided in large sums among policy-holders in properly worked mutual companies. These same actuaries also report on the Government Industrial Branch of their Insurance Department, they say " the money transactions of this branch show a deficiency of £501 3s. 7d. " ! !

Now, to arrive at the value of the ordinary business of the Government Insurance appears to be a matter of simple aritmetic, — viz. , if the Industrial branch, valued at so much, shows a deficiency of £500 odd, what will be the deficiency in the general business. The actuaries, indeed, go on to say that " a valuation of these (Industrial) risks, made on the same 'principle as for the ordinary branch, increases the defieiemey to £554." This is not the place to point out how, and where it is such societies as the Australian Mutual Provident, invest their funds, and make such enormous profits, which profits eventually find their way into the pockets of their policy-holders, but the Government Insurance is, under an Act of the Assembly, forced to invest its funds in New Zealand Government securities. This class of security may be, and, of course, is perfectly safe, but it is, at the same time, far from profitable. To prove this it may be mentioned that the Australian Mutnal Provident Society is compelled, in order to be allowed to do business in this colony, to invest a certain amount, in New Zealand Government debentures ; and, strange to say, this is the only class of security upon which they lose money. The actuary of the A.M.P. Society in his last report, now before me, says "The Investment Fluctuation Fund shews a decrease of £8062 55., as compared with

the amount standing at the credit of the fund five years ago. This reduction in value is entirely attributable to the depreciation that has taken place in New Zealand Government debentures. These are a few highly important facts that the insuring public should know before determining in what office they shall insure their lives. Mr. Kennedy Brown acknowledged in his lecture that he was no actuary, but, no doubt, he can do a sum in simple proportion. So I give him this :If the A.M. P. Society lose £8062 ss. in five years through investing an infinitessimal portion of their funds in New Zealand Government debentures, how much must the Government Insurance Department lose through investing the whole of their funds in the same debentures ?"

We often hear a great deal about " light reading" and "light literature;" but it would seem as though these luxuries "will ere long he not mere phrases, biit veritable realities. A daily paper is about to be brought out at Turin, printed with a newlyinvented ink, which, in the dark, becomes luminous, so much so, and so far superior to a glow-worm light, that the newspaper can be read with the greatest ease, without the aid of lamp or candle. This startling invention reminds us of the line, in the capital imitation of Crabbe in the " Rejected Addresses :" —

" Start into light, and make the lighter start." People will be walking out into the darkness in order to read their daily newspaper; or taking the paper to bed with them, so that while Angelina is snoring — for even Angelina snores occasionally — Edwin can sit up in bed and read the news in the darkness. But Avhat would be the effect if Angelina should suddenly awake and see the flaming characters of the illuminated sheet ? A curtain lecture or hysterics ?

— «>__

It was our intention to devote half-a-column or so to the exhibition of the Society of * rts, Init tlie daily papers have "piled on the agony" so unconscionably that the public are quite sick of the subject. By-the-way we can't congratulate our contemporaries on their art critics. More rubbishy notices than those which appeared in the Herald it has seldom been our lot to peruse. The writer (who, in reality, knows as much about high art as Balaam's ass) seems to have been anxious to impress people with the idea that he is a very refined and aesthetic person "existing beautifully" amongst a horde of philistines. Well, lie may be so for all we know to the contrary, but one thing is certain, he blunders lamentably. Take, for instance, the case of Mrs. Albert Burcher. Now, this lady really has some pretensions to a knowledge of art. She was brought up amongst artists, taught by Mr. Roberts, A.R.A., Mr. Finney, and other distinguished painters, and is generally admitted to be one of the most capable teachers in Auckland. Her pictures at the exhibition were A r ery generally (we might almost say universally) admired, and yet this precious Herald man, who doesn't hesitate to use a small dictionary -full of eulogistic adjectives about a trashy little water colour sketch by the Mayoress, or a hopeless daub by another "society " swell, damns Mrs. Burcher with the faint praise which is worse than silence. Luckily people have eyes, and the splenetic maunderings of an incapable scribe (probably influenced by some personal motive) are not likely to deceive them. Let Mrs. Burcher take comfort, her work speaks for itself. She is not Vicat Cole or Birkett Foster, but her pictures are passably good, and (the Herald notwithstanding) compare most favourably with many of the abortions exhibited by the Society of Arts.

The American papers are full of stories relative to the practical jokes played by the late Mr. Sothern. Here is one, told by the popular comedian, John T. Raymond, about a scare he and Sothern got up when in Paris playing Dundreary. Mr. Raymond says : — "The celebrated bill poster of Paris and London, Willing by name, was in the green-room, and made some remark as coining from Southern concerning me, which I purposely construed into a most grevious insult. Dashing impetuously into Sothern's dressing-room, which was just off the green-room, I demanded in a loud tone that could be heard by everybody, instant satisfaction or his life, ■whispering to Ned to keep up the joke. Always as quick as lightning to take a hint, he presently emerged, kicking me out of his apartment into the centre of the iioav thoroughly alarmed people in the green-room. I rushed off to get a Knife, swearing vengeance. Everybody appealed to me to be quiet and tried to hold me back, while I contended that nothing but his life's blood would wipe out the insult, Of course the play had to continue, but the actors were almost afraid to go on the stage, looking on me as a wild American who, with, bowie knife in hand, was about to commit a horrible murder. Meanwhile Sothern had quietly sent a note, telling me to slip into his dressing-room again, get some stage blood there, lock the door, and that as soon as he came off we would have a 'time.' I followed the instructions, and after the act he came and joined me. The people in the green-room were on the alert, and between Ned and myself we gave their listening ears a full chorus of moans, groans, imprecations, struggles, and other sounds of distress, among which every now and then my knife could be heard sticking into some conveniently soft substance that sounded very like a human body. Willing, whose remarks had been the cause of all this commotion, frightened almost to death, rushed after the gendarmes. When the latter came they demanded entrance in French. A low groan was the only response. Believing that one or both of us was nearly dead, they burst open the door. Willing was the first man to rush in, and was followed by the soldiers and such of the company as Avere not on the stage. You can imagine their feelings when they saw Sothern and myself covered with blood lying upon the floor, with the gory knife near by, the entire apartment in confusion and bearing evidences of a desperate struggle. " 'Poor fellow,' said one, 'has he not a pulse ?' ' He must be dying,' Avas the remark of another. ' Go for some stretchers.' ' What aAvful fighters

these Americans are !' 'Don't touch the blade!' and other similar expressions were also to be heard.

" Willing, with a horror-stricken face, stooped over and felt Sothern. Ned partially raised his head and feebly whispered, "A glass of champagne —quick. 5 The poor billposter didn't stop for a glass, but knocked off the neck of a "bottle, and in his haste, to the great disgust of Dundreary, nearly choked him to death as he poured it down. ' At this instant I lifted my head in the same way, and faintly called 'Some wine, too.' Then we both rose up on our elbows and asked for more wine, and then to our feet, until finally, with a hearty laugh at the success of our joke, we invited the whole party to join us in a potation."

To the Editor of the Observer : Sir,— ln your last Saturday's issue you state that a correspondent informs you " that a contractor at Mahurangi named Davies is being persecuted in a most cowardly and disgraceful manner, because of the action lie took in a recent school fight." lam sorry that you have been misled into inserting into your valuable and able journal such a gross misstatement. As Chairman of the County Council, I feel compelled to give this statement an emphatic denial. So far from Mr. Davies being "persecuted in a most cowardly and disgraceful manner" he lias received at the hands of the Government the greatest consideration. Mr. Davies took fiom the Government a tender for parts of a road from Waiwera to Warkworth. The first portion of these works were not performed within the contract time. Through representations made by myself to the Government the penalty for the non-fullillment of his contract was not enforced ; but Mr. Davies Avas then informed that he would be required to fulfil his contracts on the remaining portions of the road in the required time, or have to pay the penalty. "When the contract time had concluded, Mr. Davies applied to Mr. Chaplin, the Inspector of Works, to pass the voucher for the work as "being finished. The Inspector very justly refused, stating that the contract had not been carried out according to the specification and plans. Mr. Davies then, told the Inspector he had issued cheques, and unless he signed, the vouchers the cheques would be dishonoured. The Inspector, in reply, stated, in justice to the Government, he could not give a certificate. The contractor said he was aware the work was not finished, but if Mr. Chaplin would sign the voucher, he would give him a written guarantee to finish the contract. The work still remains unfinished. Now, sir, I can thoroughly understand why your correspondent favoured you with such a paragraph. It is no use blinking matters, it emanated from the liev. Robert McKinney.* It can be no secret, as he made the statement at the children's school feast. The truth is the scene he speaks of, (which was a most disgraceful one), was brought about by the reverend gentleman himself, and his coadjutor, Mr. Davies, The "persecuted" individual spoken of brought a large number of his workmen a distance of seven miles to vote in Mr. McKinney 's interest at the school meeting. The "persecuted" contractor is an elder of the reverend gentleman's church, and helped to carry illegally a vote whereby the school dtetrict was divided against the wishes of the bona fide settlers. As an instance I would inform you that an old and respectable settler was grossly insulted at the meeting by the reverend gentleman, who termed him an "old fool." This was said to an elder of his own church, who, with a large number of other settlers, has resented his behaviour by declining any longer to sit under his ministrations. I regret to trespass so much on your space, but it is only fair that an explanation should be made, as what has appeared in your journal reflects on those who have been ever doing their duty to advance the interests of the Mahurangi settlers. — I am, &c, Henry Palmer. *[This is pure assumption on Mr. Palmer's part. — Ed. Obs.]